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MAMA WELLNESS + MINDFULNESS

STATE OF GRACE: WHY AND HOW TO BE KIND TO OURSELVES

 Modern Mommy Doc


PUBLICATION DATE:

January 11, 2021

STATE OF GRACE: WHY AND HOW TO BE KIND TO OURSELVES

 Modern Mommy Doc

CATEGORY: MAMA WELLNESS + MINDFULNESS

“I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…”

 

There’s a reason why The Little Engine That Could is a classic. Its message of dogged determination in the face of seemingly impossible odds has long resonated with parents looking to teach their children they can do anything — ace the spelling test, outwit the bully, become president — for as long as it’s been in print.

 

It is, in some ways, a precursor to our culture of affirmations, and thank goodness for it. Children, after all, need to know that there are people who are always in their corner, so to speak. People who believe in them, who are rooting for them, who are there to guide them through life. That’s our role as parents. The thing is, we parents also need the same support!


When Life Gets in the Way…


Consider this. What would you do if your child started a new school year and, where he once brought home A’s and B’s on his math tests, he started bringing home F’s? Would you call him stupid? Ask him how could he not get this? Tell him everyone’s better than he is, and he’ll never amount to anything?

 

Mama, those words are hard even to type let alone say with regard to our children. Yet we do this to ourselves on a daily basis.

 

When we mess up, at home or at work, we don’t usually give ourselves a hug, tell ourselves we did our best, and consider ways to improve. No, most of us say things to ourselves like, “Ugh, of course he got the promotion — he has so much more experience. Maybe I’m in the wrong career.”

 

Or, “Why am I so frustrated with my kids? What’s wrong with me? I’m definitely not the mother I thought I’d be.”

 


…Silence the Inner Critic


No matter how you slice it, motherhood is hard. Whether you’re balancing a career with your family, or fully immersed in the day-to-day operations of family life, there are demands made on us that we can’t foresee and therefore can’t always prepare for. It’s easy to criticize the results of your parenting performance. But that’s not where happiness — or success, for that matter — lives.

 

Our culture celebrates the idea of being “our own worst critic.” You see it referenced in every success story, an association that perpetuates the myth that to be exceptional, you have to tear yourself down first.

 

For so long, I saw it that way, too. When I became a pediatrician, I learned from books and mentors everything I needed to know to be a good mom. Or so I thought. Once I had my own baby, I felt so much shame that I couldn’t follow to a T all the advice that I had shared with other mamas. That, even when I did everything “right” with my daughter, her individual needs and temperament often meant my efforts at sleep training, toilet training, discipline, you name it, seemed fruitless.

 

Carina Devi from Mindful Mamas echoed this experience when I talked with her during our podcast taping (click here to listen now). As a trained yogi and meditation guide, Devi didn’t expect to welcome motherhood with severe postpartum depression. She felt scattered and stressed, but most of all, she felt SHAME. She was ashamed she couldn’t be the kind of Zen person or mother she always thought she’d be.

 

Mindfulness — and particularly the kind of mindfulness that promotes grace and self-acceptance — taught her how to shift her attitude away from being hard on herself for her mistakes and in a direction of kindness.




How to Find Grace


Ultimately, that commitment to grace over shame made Devi even stronger. And science supports her intuitive shift. According to Stanford’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education, practicing self-compassion builds greater resilience, strength, and happiness.

 

Luckily for us, extending more grace to ourselves is a learned behavior. And it starts with mindfulness. Here’s how to do it:


 

1. Pay Attention:


Tune in to the situation when your inner critic pipes up. You don’t need to judge or evaluate anything. Just notice that a shame cycle is starting.



2. Acknowledge without judgment:


Instead of getting angrier with yourself (for being unkind to yourself — yes, it happens!), try simply saying to yourself, “This is happening. It is neither good nor bad. It is not my fault nor someone else’s.”



3. Identify the feelings:


Name the feeling that’s causing you to be so hard on yourself. For example, “I feel ashamed that I yelled at my son,” or, “I feel disappointed in myself that I’m not doing well guiding my child through distance learning,” or even, “I feel scared that things will never go back to normal.”



4. Validate your feelings:


Just like you would with a friend, explain to yourself why you get it. “It makes so much sense that I would feel that way, because…”



5. Find the commonality:


Imagine a room full of other moms who feel exactly the same way as you do. Then remind yourself, “I’m not alone. Others feel the same way.”


 

Because we do, Mama, we do. No matter what you’re facing, others have been there before you and others will be there after you. What would they say to you? Or, perhaps more importantly, what would you say to your children if they were in your shoes?


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About the Episode: In this episode of the Modern Mommy Doc Podcast, Dr. Whitney sits down with Miyaeva Renae—full-time creator, business owner, and intentional mom—to talk about the real side of new motherhood. Miyaeva opens up about the anxiety and overwhelm she faced after having her son, Stetson, and the rituals that helped her navigate postpartum life with more calm and self-compassion. From calling on her mom and her village for support to learning the importance of asking her fiancé for breaks, she shares how she learned to prioritize her own mental health while caring for her baby. You’ll also hear: How social media both fuels perfectionism and provides unexpected mom-to-mom support. Why ASMR and organization videos became part of her “calm the chaos” toolkit. Her honest take on breastfeeding, weaning, and the bittersweet milestones of a first year. The behind-the-scenes of life as a creator—and why she’s shifting from picture-perfect posts to more authentic, supportive content for moms. The story behind her new clothing line, Every September, created to fill the gap for boy moms who want neutral, stylish mommy-and-me outfits. This conversation is equal parts refreshing and relatable—a reminder that no mom has it all together, and that sometimes the best gift we can give ourselves is permission to be real. Key Takeaways: Motherhood isn’t perfect—and that’s okay. Miyaeva shares how postpartum anxiety pushed her to let go of perfection and focus more on the present moment with her son. Support systems matter. Leaning on her mom, best friend, and fiancé helped her find calm during stressful moments. Self-care can be simple. From eye masks to slippers to a warm shower, Miyaeva shows that little rituals make a big difference in mental health. Authenticity over perfection. Social media can amplify pressure, but it can also create powerful connections when moms are honest about the highs and lows. New ventures come from lived experience. Her clothing line, Every September, was born from her own frustration as a boy mom looking for stylish, neutral mommy-and-me outfits. About Our Guest Miyaeva Renae is a full-time digital creator, entrepreneur, and mom to her one-year-old son, Stetson. Known for her organizing hacks, “day in the life” videos, and calming ASMR routines, she has built a supportive online community of moms who value honesty and relatability over perfection.  Beyond content creation, Miyaeva is the founder of Every September, a clothing brand designed to make mommy-and-me matching accessible and stylish—especially for boy moms. She’s passionate about helping moms feel seen, supported, and less alone in the messy, beautiful reality of parenthood. ✨ Follow Miyaeva: TikTok & YouTube: @miyaevrenae Instagram: @miyaeva Clothing Line: everyseptember.co Want to Start Raising Body-Confident Kids Today? 📘 Pre-order the Book Order your copy of My One-of-a-Kind Body before it launches on October 20, 2025. 👉 www.raisingbodyconfidentkids.com/books 🎁 Claim Your Free Bonus When you pre-order, you’ll also get access to a FREE video mini-course with five bite-sized lessons for parents. In just 25 minutes, you’ll walk away with: Simple, script-style ways to respond when your kid says, “I hate my thighs” How to talk about health without weight talk What to do when your own inner critic shows up How to interrupt diet culture at home The first step to raising a body-confident kid—even if you didn’t grow up as one 📩 Subscribe to The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast for more episodes on parenting with confidence and clarity. Leave a review using the hashtag #ModernMommyDoc.
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