Blog Layout

MMD BLOG


CATEGORY:

PARENTING + KIDS

TODDLER TANTRUMS | THE CRAZY THING THAT HAPPENS WHEN WE GIVE IN TO OUR NEEDY CHILDREN

 Modern Mommy Doc


PUBLICATION DATE:

Dec 22, 2017

TODDLER TANTRUMS | THE CRAZY THING THAT HAPPENS WHEN WE GIVE IN TO OUR NEEDY CHILDREN

 Modern Mommy Doc

CATEGORY: PARENTING + KIDS

I worked all weekend, and the weekend before that and two weekends ago, too (plus my normal weekday schedule). It’s been a rough month for downtime in my family. I bundled weekend clinic coverage recently to make room for summer trips I took earlier on in the season. By Saturday afternoon, I could tell my body and my mind were paying the price.


So was my daughter. Cue the toddler tantrums (by the way, sign up for our free toddler tantrum guide here if you're struggling with your young one).


I came home at 1 p.m. that day, ready to play and to be present. I was hoping that I’d be met with excitement and energy. Instead, my little girl was a hot mess. She was sitting there on the floor when I walked in, fully dressed in her mermaid costume with a jeweled crown and black, glossy rain boots. She was sobbing.


“I DON’T WANT TO GO,” she screamed when I walked through the door.


“Oh, hello little angel child,” I thought to myself.


We were supposed to attend a housewarming party for one of our friends an hour later and she had been acting up about going for the past three hours while she waited for me to return from work. For about 20 minutes (my mistake), I tried to convince her that we would all be together there, that it would be fun, that she would be happy.


But, when we finally had everyone in the house dressed and ready to go (which seemed like an eternity later), she was still in toddler tantrum mode and kept talking about how she just could not do it.



I had a decision to make.


I could push her to do the thing I wanted her to do so I could fulfill all of my social obligations, or, I could listen to what she was asking for. On the surface, it felt like I would be giving in to her by not going along with my original plans. There are definitely times I know I need to stick to my guns despite her loud protests otherwise (like when she wants brownies for dinner or when she doesn't feel like going to school). Most times that’s the case, actually. Other times, though, I can tell we’re in a different zone.


After all that time spent reassuring her, I stopped to listen to what she was really telling me: I miss you and I want to spend time with you - just you. Will you please give me your undivided attention for a few hours?


My husband and I talked by ourselves. We made sure that my daughter was in control of herself (some deep breathing while she counted to 10). I sat her down and let her know it was daddy and I deciding what we were doing today and we decided it would be better for everyone if little sister and daddy represented us at the party. Then, I gave her a few activity choices for our time together. I was NOT about to be swindled into some ice cream sundae escapade.


We ended up spending four amazing hours together, just the two of us. We went to the park and had a mommy-daughter lunch date. Then we came home and read books all snuggled up on the porch.


The crazy thing?


I was nervous at first that she might take her “win” on our day’s activities as an opportunity to walk all over me. But she was the most well-behaved, grateful toddler ever for the the whole outing.


Even more amazing?


When I took the time to treat her like an actual human who had real needs (like ALL of us have), she spent the whole evening running around the house doing imaginary play in that mermaid outfit, entertained almost entirely by her dolls. She was almost annoyed when I asked if I could jump in to play.


“Uh, I’m really playing with my mermaid friends, mom.”


Okaaaay. Wow. It was a 180-degree change.


Yep, by attending to her very sincere request for TLC, by giving her the time she deserved, I was the one who lucked out THE ENTIRE REST OF THE DAY. It blew my mind. It will for you, too, if you take a moment to consider if there is some underlying issue going on when your child is acting particularly “needy.”


I’m not prescribing that you allow yourself to be held hostage by your child's every whim. I'm definitely not saying that when a toddler whines hard and long enough, that is a sign that you should change your set plans the vast majority of the time. Quite the opposite. I’m just offering a more complex view of the way our kids behave and what their protests sometimes mean. If we pay close attention to the nuances, if we try our best to make sure we’re not missing some deeper need, we’ll all be happier in the end. I know I am.


The Overwhelmed Working Mom Freebie

DOWNLOAD
By No More Hot Mess Moms 25 Apr, 2024
Not sure how to navigate your next visit with your child's pediatrician? I've got you.
By SYSTEMIC CHANGE 18 Apr, 2024
About Our Guest: Whitney Casares, MD, MPH, FAAP, is a practicing board-certified pediatrician, author, speaker, and full-time working mom. Dr. Whitney is a Stanford University-trained private practice physician whose expertise spans the public health, direct patient care, and media worlds. She holds a Master of Public Health in Maternal and Child Health from The University of California, Berkeley, and a Journalism degree from California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo. She is also CEO and Founder of Modern Mommy Doc. Dr. Whitney advocates for the success of career-driven caregivers in all facets of their lives, guiding them toward increased focus, happiness, and effectiveness despite the systemic challenges and inherent biases that threaten to undermine them. She speaks nationally about her Centered Life Blueprint, which teaches working caregivers how to pay attention to what matters most amid pressure, at multibillion-dollar corporations like Adidas and Nike, and at executive-level conferences. She is a spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics and medical consultant for large-scale organizations, including Good Housekeeping magazine, Gerber, and L’Oreal (CeraVe). Her work has been featured in Forbes, Thrive Global, and TODAY Parenting. She is a regular contributor to Psychology Today. Dr. Whitney practices medicine in Portland, Oregon, where she and her husband raise their two young daughters. About the Episode: Dr. Whitney shares the principles she's learned as a solopreneur in the health and wellness space, the failures she's faced, and the truths she wishes she would have known from the very beginning. Episode Takeaways: This is not an episode about “how to grow a multimillion dollar business” or how to double your following overnight. I really shy away from talking about business because it’s disheartening to see that most of the people making online are people who are trying to teach you how to make money online. This is an episode that comes from many conversations I’ve had recently with people who are wanting to start a side hustle or even a full blown business, but are curious how to do that with the rest of life that’s going on around them. I’ve recently made a hugely drastic shift in my career and have moved from private practice into a company called Blueberry Pediatrics . It is a shift that still allows me to practice medicine as well as still running Modern Mommy Doc full time. The thinking behind this shift really is born out of these 8 tips I have about running a business while you’re working full time or maybe still taking care of your family. 1) Know your why. We’ve heard it a thousand times, but if we don’t know the driving force behind why we want to do a certain thing, it’s infinitely easier to stop doing it when things get hard. Ask yourself why you’re so committed to this one particular area. In my business, my why is to help, support, and encourage women (specifically working moms) so they don’t feel alone in their journey. So when I’m pulled away from my family for a time period or I’m exhausted from traveling, I remember the greater mission behind what I do. 2) Expect that you’re going to fail. I just pulled the plug on a project we had been working on at Modern Mommy Doc for two years: the Modern Mamas Club app. I thought it was going to be so valuable for moms, when in reality it was just duplicating what we already had. I learned so much through that process and at the beginning, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Failure is a natural part of growth. 3) Prepare to invest in your business. With your time, with your money, with your emotions. People ask me how I grew and I told them it took a lot of time and a lot of my own money. There were times that that was discouraging, but because all of this was tied to my why, I was able to push forward. 4) Figure out what you can outsource and what has to be done by you. At the beginning you might not have any money to outsource with. But set yourself up for success and know what you’ll hand off when you get to that point. Don’t waste time trying to do it all. 5) Network based on what you love & pay for good PR. When you want to grow your business, network with the people that you genuinely connect with, not just because you might get a sale. Figure out who it would be mutually beneficial for you to get to know. And when it comes to PR, you’ve gotta pay to play the game. PR isn’t for instant leads, but is also a long game like networking. You show up, do the interviews, and every once in a while something will pop and you might get a ton more exposure. 6) Prepare for other people to not be on your level and to try to pull you back down to theirs. No one wants the homeostasis to change. That’s why it’s so important to surround yourself (even virtually) who believe in you and/or who are on the same journey with you. It doesn’t have to be in the same industry, but look out for other working moms that you can get to know. 7) Give something back to yourself along the way. If you aren’t making a single dollar and giving it all away to the business, you’re down a quick path to resentment. I understand all the moms who just over-function and grind it out to get things done (I was one!) but you’ve got to get a reward from the thing that you’ve been putting so much into. A small way I do this is by working at a coffee shop a couple times a week. It reminds me that I’m so grateful for my job, that it’s flexible so that I work where I want, and that I’m in control of my life. A big way I do this is through a travel rotation with my kids and husband. Each trip I go on while consulting, I’ll rotate through taking one daughter, then the next, then my husband, then I’ll do a solo trip. These are trips they never would have been able to take on their own, and it’s a cool way my business gets to give back to my family. 8) The way you set up your business is a marker if you will be successful. Not the way you structure it, but the mindset you have around it. In fact, there are so many parallels between the way I run my business and the things I taught in my newest book, Doing It All: trying to build efficiency into how I do my tasks, batching my work, not spending extra time on stuff that doesn’t matter at all, swapping out for what others can do for me, pairing things that aren’t enjoyable with things that are, not letting things contaminate my time, and making sure my desk, home, and calendar are decluttered. More Blogs on this Topic: T he forgotten boundary: setting limits with yourself Thanks for the cookies in the breakroom, I’m still tired Wake up, working mama. Are you wasting your life? More Podcast Episodes on this Topic: T ranslating “mom skills” into “boss skills” How to be an ambitious, out of the box, career maker and an engaged mom How to claim your confidence as a working mom
By No More Hot Mess Moms 05 Apr, 2024
You're not helping anyone by constantly abandoning yourself.
By Building You and YOUR Family's Best Life 04 Apr, 2024
What if just ONE thing could be the difference between your misery and your happiness?
By Body Love 28 Mar, 2024
It's time to balance teaching our kids to love their bodies with teaching them how to take care of them.

Welcome! Get the information you need to win at parenting without losing yourself.

LEARN MORE

Doing it All is Finally Here!


Wish your partner would do more to lessen your mental load?


Want to make self-care a priority but not sure how to?


SIGN UP FOR SUSTAINABLE SELF-CARE. IT'S FREE. CLICK HERE




FRESH

ON THE PODCAST


By SYSTEMIC CHANGE 18 Apr, 2024
About Our Guest: Whitney Casares, MD, MPH, FAAP, is a practicing board-certified pediatrician, author, speaker, and full-time working mom. Dr. Whitney is a Stanford University-trained private practice physician whose expertise spans the public health, direct patient care, and media worlds. She holds a Master of Public Health in Maternal and Child Health from The University of California, Berkeley, and a Journalism degree from California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo. She is also CEO and Founder of Modern Mommy Doc. Dr. Whitney advocates for the success of career-driven caregivers in all facets of their lives, guiding them toward increased focus, happiness, and effectiveness despite the systemic challenges and inherent biases that threaten to undermine them. She speaks nationally about her Centered Life Blueprint, which teaches working caregivers how to pay attention to what matters most amid pressure, at multibillion-dollar corporations like Adidas and Nike, and at executive-level conferences. She is a spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics and medical consultant for large-scale organizations, including Good Housekeeping magazine, Gerber, and L’Oreal (CeraVe). Her work has been featured in Forbes, Thrive Global, and TODAY Parenting. She is a regular contributor to Psychology Today. Dr. Whitney practices medicine in Portland, Oregon, where she and her husband raise their two young daughters. About the Episode: Dr. Whitney shares the principles she's learned as a solopreneur in the health and wellness space, the failures she's faced, and the truths she wishes she would have known from the very beginning. Episode Takeaways: This is not an episode about “how to grow a multimillion dollar business” or how to double your following overnight. I really shy away from talking about business because it’s disheartening to see that most of the people making online are people who are trying to teach you how to make money online. This is an episode that comes from many conversations I’ve had recently with people who are wanting to start a side hustle or even a full blown business, but are curious how to do that with the rest of life that’s going on around them. I’ve recently made a hugely drastic shift in my career and have moved from private practice into a company called Blueberry Pediatrics . It is a shift that still allows me to practice medicine as well as still running Modern Mommy Doc full time. The thinking behind this shift really is born out of these 8 tips I have about running a business while you’re working full time or maybe still taking care of your family. 1) Know your why. We’ve heard it a thousand times, but if we don’t know the driving force behind why we want to do a certain thing, it’s infinitely easier to stop doing it when things get hard. Ask yourself why you’re so committed to this one particular area. In my business, my why is to help, support, and encourage women (specifically working moms) so they don’t feel alone in their journey. So when I’m pulled away from my family for a time period or I’m exhausted from traveling, I remember the greater mission behind what I do. 2) Expect that you’re going to fail. I just pulled the plug on a project we had been working on at Modern Mommy Doc for two years: the Modern Mamas Club app. I thought it was going to be so valuable for moms, when in reality it was just duplicating what we already had. I learned so much through that process and at the beginning, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Failure is a natural part of growth. 3) Prepare to invest in your business. With your time, with your money, with your emotions. People ask me how I grew and I told them it took a lot of time and a lot of my own money. There were times that that was discouraging, but because all of this was tied to my why, I was able to push forward. 4) Figure out what you can outsource and what has to be done by you. At the beginning you might not have any money to outsource with. But set yourself up for success and know what you’ll hand off when you get to that point. Don’t waste time trying to do it all. 5) Network based on what you love & pay for good PR. When you want to grow your business, network with the people that you genuinely connect with, not just because you might get a sale. Figure out who it would be mutually beneficial for you to get to know. And when it comes to PR, you’ve gotta pay to play the game. PR isn’t for instant leads, but is also a long game like networking. You show up, do the interviews, and every once in a while something will pop and you might get a ton more exposure. 6) Prepare for other people to not be on your level and to try to pull you back down to theirs. No one wants the homeostasis to change. That’s why it’s so important to surround yourself (even virtually) who believe in you and/or who are on the same journey with you. It doesn’t have to be in the same industry, but look out for other working moms that you can get to know. 7) Give something back to yourself along the way. If you aren’t making a single dollar and giving it all away to the business, you’re down a quick path to resentment. I understand all the moms who just over-function and grind it out to get things done (I was one!) but you’ve got to get a reward from the thing that you’ve been putting so much into. A small way I do this is by working at a coffee shop a couple times a week. It reminds me that I’m so grateful for my job, that it’s flexible so that I work where I want, and that I’m in control of my life. A big way I do this is through a travel rotation with my kids and husband. Each trip I go on while consulting, I’ll rotate through taking one daughter, then the next, then my husband, then I’ll do a solo trip. These are trips they never would have been able to take on their own, and it’s a cool way my business gets to give back to my family. 8) The way you set up your business is a marker if you will be successful. Not the way you structure it, but the mindset you have around it. In fact, there are so many parallels between the way I run my business and the things I taught in my newest book, Doing It All: trying to build efficiency into how I do my tasks, batching my work, not spending extra time on stuff that doesn’t matter at all, swapping out for what others can do for me, pairing things that aren’t enjoyable with things that are, not letting things contaminate my time, and making sure my desk, home, and calendar are decluttered. More Blogs on this Topic: T he forgotten boundary: setting limits with yourself Thanks for the cookies in the breakroom, I’m still tired Wake up, working mama. Are you wasting your life? More Podcast Episodes on this Topic: T ranslating “mom skills” into “boss skills” How to be an ambitious, out of the box, career maker and an engaged mom How to claim your confidence as a working mom
By Body Love 28 Mar, 2024
It's time to balance teaching our kids to love their bodies with teaching them how to take care of them.
By No More Hot Mess Moms 14 Mar, 2024
Getting your little one to sleep is about sustainability and evidence-based strategy.
Share by: