February 6, 2020
Here’s the thing, mama. You just can’t do it alone. Not even if you think you can.
I’m kind of a Lone Ranger by nature…or at least I would be if I could get away with it. Half the time I feel like it’s easier if I just do everything myself and don’t have to rely on anyone else. The thing is, though, doing it all alone and never reaching out for help means two things: 1. all of the pressure is on us for our work projects, home improvement endeavors, finances, kids’ emotional well being,… fill in the blank… to go well and 2. we over-function, leaving us exhausted and resentful. Trust me, I’ve learned the hard way, it’s better to have a team...and to actually rely on that team.
If you haven’t read Jancee Dunn’s How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids and you have a male partner, you need to, Sister. Her book talks all about how to build a team mentality with your partner based on equity and mutual respect. Notice I did not say equality. Equality is overrated when it comes to partner relationships. I said equity because, in the end, that’s what most of us really want and that’s more realistic. Sometimes in my relationship with my husband, I’m doing ninety percent of the work and carrying ninety percent of the responsibility. That’s perfectly okay as long as, on a regular basis, the scales are fully tipped in his direction.
Successful moms understand they aren’t the only person in their homes or communities who can care for their children well. Hello, grandparents, daycares, nannies, friends, partners!
Easier said than done, right? When we’re used to being the only one in charge, it can be exquisitely painful to do away with our role as the parenting information and expertise gatekeeper. It can also be crazy hard to get out of a martyr mindset, proud of the fact we’re the ones who do the most and carry the heaviest loads.
It’s so worth it, though, Mama. Having a support system is absolutely critical for our own health and for the ultimate health of our kids.
Next week, we’ll be getting into the sixth and final area of focus for highly-successful moms: being extremely intentional about the way we parent. Until then, you can get more information, inspiration, and practical tools to win at parenting without losing yourself on The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast.
February 3, 2020
Um…I’m blushing…but it’s for a good cause. This week, we’re staying true to the mission of our new Modern Mommy Doc Podcast: talking about the hard things AND the things that are hardest to talk about so YOU can win at parenting without losing yourself. So, yeah, I’m blushing. ‘Cause this week, we’re talking about sex…and we’re getting real real with couples and sex therapist Taylor Pierce about it.
I get it: sex is a taboo topic. When we don’t talk about how it impacts our motherhood experience, though, we lose out on the opportunity to learn and grow…so we’re going for it! Taylor and I get into the nitty gritty of this sometimes complicated part of our personal and partnership experience. She shares some amazing resources and real, practical tips meant to encourage moms at all stages and to educate us about the factors that hold moms back from experiencing wholeness in this sensitive area of our lives.
If you’re a new or expecting mom, you’ll definitely want to listen to her thoughtful suggestions for honoring your physical connection to yourself and to your partner and her advice on how to love the body you’re in.
Have a few kids who are a little older? Her wisdom is equally important for not so new moms who might be feeling like making time for sex or getting much out of it is more of a struggle than a joy.
If you missed one of our past guest interviews, you can listen to all the Modern Mommy Doc Podcast episodes here.
January 31, 2020
We’re on week four of six as we dive into the core areas successful moms are intentional about: their own dreams, spending time on things that matter, making space for themselves, investing in their mental and physical health, parenting in partnership, and the way they parent their kids.
This week, we’re focusing on the fourth core area:
Moms who take the long view on parenting understand it’s a marathon, not a sprint. They see that they have to invest in their own physical health from the very beginning of their motherhood journeys. They also know they must invest in their own mental health. Why? Because being a parent is just straight triggering. This morning my three-year-old daughter spent an hour sobbing about her afternoon dentist appointment, throwing herself on the floor and yelling, “This is unfair! You’re a mean mom!”
Yeah, that took patience to get through without completely losing it myself. It took mindfulness. It took perspective… and, I don’t know about you, but those things don’t always come naturally to me. They take persistent practice, sometimes in a therapist’s office, sometimes by taking a walk in the fresh air, and sometimes in a dark room on a bike going nowhere as I listen to Jay Z with 30 other riders. When we take care of our minds and bodies, we are less-easily triggered and can more easily respond versus react to our kids’ behaviors and needs.
They recognize the myriad of social forces making avoiding sleep deprivation and stress in the early years almost impossible. Instead of ignoring them or wishing them away, they face them
They also know the struggles of early motherhood are not their fault. They are watchful for postpartum anxiety and depression, and for the kind of toxic, chronic stress that can pile up after months and years as a parent. They seek out help or let others find resources for them when they’re too overwhelmed to do it themselves.
They learn how to take back their motherhood experience to make it what it was meant to be.
Next week, we’ll talk about the fifth area successful moms focus on: parenting in partnership. Until then, make sure you check out our most recent podcast episodes:
January 27, 2020
Mamas, I can hardly believe it. We’re crazy excited to announce that The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast is live as of this morning.
We dropped (count ’em): FIVE episodes of The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast to start things out and we can’t wait for you to listen to them. Subscribe and listen here so you never miss out on all the information, resources, and inspiration we’ll be sharing.
Dr. Whitney walks through the six core areas successful moms focus on and how to get intentional with your parenting at any stage of motherhood.
January 19, 2020
We’re on week three of six diving into the core areas successful moms are intentional about: Their Own Dreams,Spending Time on Things That Matter,Making Space for Themselves, Investing in Their Mental and Physical Health, Parenting in Partnership, and The Way They Parent Their Kids.
Successful moms make space for their own needs. On the surface, that makes them seemingly selfish but they don’t do it out of selfishness. They do it out of necessity.
They know that if they don’t take care of themselves well, they cannot take care of anything or anyone else well. That means they take time to reconnect to the deepest parts of themselves.
How does that play out in real life?
When I interviewed Lauren Smith Brody, author of The Fifth Trimester: The Working Mom’s Guide to Style, Sanity, and Success After Baby, for our upcoming podcast, she had a lot to say about mommy guilt. By using the word “guilt” all the time when we talk about how we feel bad we’re away from our kids, or that we don’t have enough time to make homemade cookies for the school bake sale, we imply wrongdoing, she told me. In reality, there’s nothing wrong with pursuing a career for a woman or a man or with delegating baking to the experts at the local pastry shop. We’ve got to stop talking about mommy guilt and instead talk with less shame about the things we want to invest our time in or don’t.
This includes friends, family, and, sometimes, professionals.
The moms I know who are living their most authentic lives know their limits. They are keenly aware that they need other people – that
They know that being a mom is messy (literally and figuratively) and that no one does it perfectly.
If you still think other moms have got it all together, you’re just straight wrong, Mama. We’re all human and motherhood is hard. Sometimes it’s fun and easy, but a lot of times (especially in the early years) it’s hard.
I loved interviewing Carla Naumburg, author of How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t
Yes! This, this, this.
Can’t wait to see you then. Missed last week’s post on spending time on things that matter? You can read it here.
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