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successful moms, working mom, modern moms of infants and toddlers

POST:

Successful Moms Are Intentional About Investing in Their Mental and Physical Health

CATEGORY:

Parents

Date:

January 31, 2020

We’re on week four of six as we dive into the core areas successful moms are intentional about: their own dreams, spending time on things that matter, making space for themselves, investing in their mental and physical health, parenting in partnership, and the way they parent their kids.

This week, we’re focusing on the fourth core area:

Investing in Our Mental and Physical Health

Moms who take the long view on parenting understand it’s a marathon, not a sprint. They see that they have to invest in their own physical health from the very beginning of their motherhood journeys. They also know they must invest in their own mental health. Why? Because being a parent is just straight triggering. This morning my three-year-old daughter spent an hour sobbing about her afternoon dentist appointment, throwing herself on the floor and yelling, “This is unfair! You’re a mean mom!”

Yeah, that took patience to get through without completely losing it myself. It took mindfulness. It took perspective… and, I don’t know about you, but those things don’t always come naturally to me. They take persistent practice, sometimes in a therapist’s office, sometimes by taking a walk in the fresh air, and sometimes in a dark room on a bike going nowhere as I listen to Jay Z with 30 other riders. When we take care of our minds and bodies, we are less-easily triggered and can more easily respond versus react to our kids’ behaviors and needs.

They Give Themselves Self-Compassion

They recognize the myriad of social forces making avoiding sleep deprivation and stress in the early years almost impossible. Instead of ignoring them or wishing them away, they face them head on by getting educated, working with others in their village to mitigate them, and taking preventive steps to reduce them whenever possible.

They also know the struggles of early motherhood are not their fault. They are watchful for postpartum anxiety and depression, and for the kind of toxic, chronic stress that can pile up after months and years as a parent. They seek out help or let others find resources for them when they’re too overwhelmed to do it themselves.

They Own Their Motherhood Experience

They learn how to take back their motherhood experience to make it what it was meant to be.

Next Week

Next week, we’ll talk about the fifth area successful moms focus on: parenting in partnership. Until then, make sure you check out our most recent podcast episodes:

1. How to Win at Parenting Without Losing Yourself

2. How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids

3. It’s Not the Load, It’s How You Carry It

4. How to Be a Working Mom

5. How to Raise a Kid Who Thrives

Listen to the Podcast

The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast
Successful Moms Invest in Their Mental and Physical Health
Jancee Dunn, Whitney Casares, Lauren Smith Brody, Jessi Duley, Ken Ginsburg

POST:

The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast is Live!!!

CATEGORY:

Parents

Date:

January 27, 2020

Mamas, I can hardly believe it. We’re crazy excited to announce that The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast is live as of this morning.

We dropped (count ’em): FIVE episodes of The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast to start things out and we can’t wait for you to listen to them. Subscribe and listen here so you never miss out on all the information, resources, and inspiration we’ll be sharing.


Dr. Whitney walks through the six core areas successful moms focus on and how to get intentional with your parenting at any stage of motherhood.

Author Jancee Dunn knows being a new parent is hard, but that parenting with a partner can be even harder. She tells it like it is and gives real, practical advice for how to make it better.

Jessi Duley is a powerhouse businesswoman but she’s also a mom to three kids…and a human. She shares her story about how to find joy in the journey and will show you how to do the same.

Author Lauren Smith Brody launched a movement with one goal: help women re-enter the workplace after maternity leave with style, sanity, and big success.

Dr. Ken Ginsburghttps://parentandteen.com/ knows the secret to your kids’ success. He’s on a mission to help parents raise the kind of 35-year-olds we all want to know (and have at Thanksgiving).

tips and advice for modern moms of babies and toddlers

POST:

Successful Moms are a Little Selfish

CATEGORY:

Parents

Date:

January 19, 2020

We’re on week three of six diving into the core areas successful moms are intentional about: Their Own Dreams,Spending Time on Things That Matter,Making Space for Themselves, Investing in Their Mental and Physical Health, Parenting in Partnership, and The Way They Parent Their Kids.

This week, we’re focusing on the third core area: intentionally making space for ourselves.

Successful moms make space for their own needs. On the surface, that makes them seemingly selfish but they don’t do it out of selfishness. They do it out of necessity.

They know that if they don’t take care of themselves well, they cannot take care of anything or anyone else well. That means they take time to reconnect to the deepest parts of themselves.

How does that play out in real life?

They Throw Off Mommy Guilt

When I interviewed Lauren Smith Brody, author of The Fifth Trimester: The Working Mom’s Guide to Style, Sanity, and Success After Baby, for our upcoming podcast, she had a lot to say about mommy guilt. By using the word “guilt” all the time when we talk about how we feel bad we’re away from our kids, or that we don’t have enough time to make homemade cookies for the school bake sale, we imply wrongdoing, she told me. In reality, there’s nothing wrong with pursuing a career for a woman or a man or with delegating baking to the experts at the local pastry shop. We’ve got to stop talking about mommy guilt and instead talk with less shame about the things we want to invest our time in or don’t.

They Have Deep Connections with Other People Who Support Them

This includes friends, family, and, sometimes, professionals.

The moms I know who are living their most authentic lives know their limits. They are keenly aware that they need other people – that our lives were not meant to lived as lone cowboys (or cowgirls, as the case may be). They have learned over time to let other people in their village carry the load when it comes to childcare and mental household checklists, but they also get that they’ll wither on the vine if they carry all of the emotional responsibility in their families.

They Give Themselves and Their Families a Lot of Grace

They know that being a mom is messy (literally and figuratively) and that no one does it perfectly. 

If you still think other moms have got it all together, you’re just straight wrong, Mama. We’re all human and motherhood is hard. Sometimes it’s fun and easy, but a lot of times (especially in the early years) it’s hard.

They Give Themselves the Time They Need

I loved interviewing Carla Naumburg, author of How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids, because she’s so direct as she talks about this topic. “…if you’re really honestly, absolutely convinced that you can’t move your body more or take a break from your phone for an hour every night, then you may have a lifestyle that is incompatible with not losing your sh*t with your kids,” she says.

Yes! This, this, this.

Next week, we’re going to dig deeper on this last point, because it matters so much.

Can’t wait to see you then. Missed last week’s post on spending time on things that matter? You can read it here.

Coming January 27th, 2020:

The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast

Coming March 17, 2020:

Motherhood tips and advice for modern working moms of babies and toddlers
New moms and moms of toddlers, setting priorities, motherhood hacks

POST:

Successful Moms Don’t Waste Their Time

CATEGORY:

Parents

Date:

January 13, 2020

For the past few weeks we’ve been talking about how to actually win at parenting without losing ourselves. Last week we talked about becoming intentional about our dreams.

This week, we’re focusing on the second core area: intentionally spending time on things that matter.

Jamie works full time at a start-up tech company. Her work requires more than a nine-to-five commitment. There are evening meetings, early morning deadlines, and fierce competition among her colleagues for the corner office.

She also has a rambunctious two-year-old daughter – the kind of toddler who tries to climb up into the refrigerator, clumsily pull the orange juice out, and attempt to pour her own beverage into an adult glass every morning; the type of little one who screams “It’s just not fair” whenever she’s told it’s time for bed.

Jamie has a strong group of friends from her high school and college years, but she doesn’t see them or talk with them as often as she’d like. She wants to get back to painting – a passion she spent hours on before her daughter arrived – but there’s never enough time.

“It’s difficult to figure out how to do it all,” she says. “The worst part is, it feels like I’m hardly ever doing what I want to do. Instead, I’m almost always doing what I have to do.”

Jamie, like most modern moms, has a hard time intentionally spending time on things that actually matter, but she doesn’t have to waste her time and energy.

Our Priorities Dictate Our Daily Agendas

Last week we talked about dreaming big. Dreaming big allows us to understand our “why”; it helps us understand where we’re going in the next month or year or even ten years. Figuring out our priorities, on the other hand, helps us to get granular about how much time we’ll give to one area or another on a daily basis.

Remember, this is fluid and depends entirely on the stage of motherhood you’re in right now. When you have a newborn, your priority is making sure you’re taken care of, making sure your baby is taken care of, and …yep, that’s about it. And it’s enough, Mama! When your baby or toddler, or even a little older, you’ll be in a completely different stage, …and with that stage will come more sleep and more brain space for bigger dreams and bigger plans. So, give yourself grace. 

I tell the story of how I developed my own priorities in my upcoming book,  The New Baby Blueprint:

My friend Christie is a business executive coach. She spends all day guiding leaders personally and professionally as they make million-dollar decisions. One night, discussing life at a bar, she took a cocktail napkin and wrote out the major categories of life—kids, spouse, work, exercise, friendships, hobbies, homemaking, travel and experiences, and appearance. For clarification, exercise to me meant releasing endorphins, stress reduction, and meditation, whereas appearance included everything that goes into looking put together (including exercise for the purpose of having a good appearance).

She wrote them in random order and then asked me to rank them in order in the left-hand column according to what I, in an ideal world, would spend the most time doing. “Rank them as a private, honest list, not based at all on what other people would think is the right way to rank them,” she said.

I called it my ideal list.

Ideal List

1. Exercise and stress reduction

2. Kids

3. Travel and experiences

4. Hobbies and sports (including writing and reading)

5. Partner

6. Friendships

7. Homemaking (tasks such as laundry and dishes)

8. Appearance

9. Work

In the next column, she asked me to rank what I thought I spent my time on.

Here is my reality list.

Reality List

1. Work

2. Homemaking

3. Kids

4. Hobbies and sports

5. Partner

6. Appearance

7. Friendships

8. Exercise and stress reduction

9. Travel and experiences

Then, she told me to compare them.

Understanding Your Priorities Will Change Your Life

That comparison was scary, Mama. I didn’t like at all how I was spending my time in the real world versus how I wanted to be spending it in my ideal world. So, I changed it. I switched it up. I decided I would spend way more of my time and energy on the top three items on my Ideal List, as opposed to the top three things on my Reality List. Why? Because joy lived at the top of the Ideal List. Stress and resentment found their unhappy home at the top of the Reality List. 

Putting Your Priorities Into Practice

To put your priorities into action, you’re going to have to get strategic. You’ll need to do three things with the majority of the tasks you feel like you have to get to, but you can’t stand doing (or that suck up way too much time and energy): either delegate them, automate them, or completely forget about them. Too much time on grocery shopping? Shop online at Amazon or Instagram. You’re the only one in your home who does any cooking or cleaning? Time to get your partner or your village involved. Spending a whole lot of effort choosing your clothes every morning and getting yourself ready for the day? Simplify your routine and get strategic about what’s in your closet. You will still spend some of your moments on things that don’t matter, but those things cannot and should not define you. If you give them less time and brain space, they won’t. 

Next week, we’ll dive into the next core area successful moms are intentional about: making space for themselves. Missed last week’s blog on being intentional about your dreams? Read it here.

Coming January 27, 2020:

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Learn More

Coming March, 17. 2020:

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how to be a successful mom to toddlers, babies

POST:

Successful Moms Dream Big

CATEGORY:

Parents

Date:

January 6, 2020

Last week, we defined the six core areas successful moms are intentional about.

This week, we’re focusing on the first of those core areas: getting intentional about our dreams and our goals.

What does goal-setting have to do with winning at motherhood? Everything. It gives us purpose and direction. It helps us keep moving toward the future when the present feels like poop in our hair or sticky fingers on our clothes from those little ones we have in-tow.

Successful mamas dream big – really big. They do it for two reasons:

1) They understand the value of passionate living. They see that, while it’s important to embrace the season we’re in now and to find contentment no matter our circumstances, living just for the day-to-day can be boring and defeating. They know that their lives mean more than laundry and work commutes.

2) They want their kids to live passionately one day, too. They realize they are the most critical educators in their children’s lives. They grasp that when their children see them working toward a goal and resiliently pursuing a dream, they will be inspired to reach further someday, too.

What if Passionate Feels Too Far-Fetched for My Life?

This doesn’t mean sucessful mamas all have crazy visions of being famous rockstars (though, if that’s you, Mama, go for it. I mean, why not?). It means they have visions of what life could look like for them if they had the time and resources to design it more intentionally. It means they have something they want for their lives (a small business concept they can’t shake, a vision of amazing relationships with their families, a dream of financial freedom, an idea they have to make other people’s lives better).

I’m not going to sit here and “self-help” you with a bunch of “reach for the stars” B.S.

Life is Real

There are barriers for each and every one of us to even thinking about the thing we actually want for our lives, much less to go out and grab it. I know that. You know that. And you know the things I’m talking about: things like a mountain of bills or sleep deprivation or a tantruming toddler. Or sexism. Or racism. Or generational poverty.

Still, I’m convinced that it’s not enough to settle for lives that are overwhelming, disappointing, and exhausting. Motherhood was meant to be better than that. We don’t have to all be famous rockstars, but we can rock our lives, despite the chaos that fills them, by living them with purpose.

Understanding where we’re going and why we’re going there is the foundation on which we determine our priorities.

It helps us decide where to place our efforts and how to spend our time day by day. That’s why we have to be crystal clear about the dreams that matter most to us – so clear in fact that we write them down and own them. 

It can be daunting to lay claim to our hopes and dreams for one reason: we’re afraid someone else won’t agree or won’t approve. Think about it, though, Mama. It would be crazy for you to let someone else’s opinions decide how your life is going to ultimately turn out, right?

I have a list of 10-year dreams I go back to day after day as I think about how I want to live my life (to give full credit, I developed these based on Rachel Hollis’ method she describes in Girl, Stop Apologizing).

Here are my 10-year dreams:

  1. I live completely debt-free
  2. I am in the best health of my life —physical and mental
  3. I am a New York Times best-selling author
  4. I work for myself as a speaker, blogger, and businesswoman 
  5. I travel the world extensively
  6. I am an exceptional wife and have a thriving marriage
  7. I have deep connections with my kids and amazing relationships with each of them
  8. I own a home with a view onto open water.
  9. I have close relationships with a community that I love and support and who loves and supports me. 
  10. I give my best talents compassionately and generously to inspire other women to have social-emotional wellness for their families and financial freedom. 

A Little Too Big, You Say?

Some of these may seem totally reasonable to you, maybe even too small. Some of these may seem way too big. Guess what? I DON’T CARE. They’re my dreams. Guess what else? You ALSO SHOULDN’T CARE if, when you write out what you’re hoping and dreaming above all odds for, someone else laughs or comments negatively about them. Why? Because they’re your dreams. No one else should get to tell you what’s silly or too ambitious for your life because it’s your life.

Once you’ve hammered out your dreams, it’s time to focus on your priorities. That’s where we’re headed next week. Join me!

Missed last week’s blog on how to win at parenting without losing yourself and why it matters so much? You can read it here.

Coming January 27th, 2020:

The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast

Coming March 17, 2020:

The New Baby Blueprint
Tips and advice for moms of toddlers and babies for successful parenting

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