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WORKING MOMS + MAMA WELLNESS

HOW TO BE A GOOD WORKING MOM (ACCORDING TO THE WORLD)

 Modern Mommy Doc


PUBLICATION DATE:

Dec 17, 2019

HOW TO BE A GOOD WORKING MOM (ACCORDING TO THE WORLD)

 Modern Mommy Doc

CATEGORY: WORKING MOMS + MAMA WELLNESS

The World Keeps Telling Me:


You can have it all. You just have to do a few things:


Lean in at work. Lean in so hard you think you can’t lean in any further. Then lean in some more. Make sure your colleagues can count on you. It’s not enough to be a part of the team— make sure you have a front seat at the proverbial work table. Fight for equal pay by showing them you deserve it. Don’t let them see your weaknesses or your insecurities. You’ve got to “man up.” Take the lead. Speak up in meetings and take charge in your decision-making. Take every opportunity they give you. If you feel like you’re about to break, you’re doing it right.


This is especially important when you have a newborn. If you choose to breastfeed, you're going to need to pump at work. Every day. Every three hours. If that seems like a lot, don’t worry, there are laws to protect this special time—I’m sure your employer will follow them to a “t” without any pushback. The time may not feel special because, instead of having a tiny infant suckling at your nipples, two giant cones attached to a suction machine will be milking you like a cow at a corporate dairy farm. Enjoy your free time while you’re pumping, though. Or, better yet, get some work done— you don’t want to fall behind your male partners. 


When it comes to comes to free time, it's so important to take full advantage of it. Every spare moment you have is a chance to get something else done, to make a check mark on your to-do list. If you’re organized and focused enough, this shouldn’t be an issue. Make sure you keep up to date on all the new apps designed specifically to make balancing your work and home life the most efficient possible. You might need to get up an hour earlier than everyone else in your family every day, including weekends, to make your hard work pay off. 


Speaking of sleep, you really need it. Don't skimp. Take care of yourself by getting to bed at a reasonable hour each night. Never mind the laundry piling up, the dishes in the sink, or the 30-minute Netflix comedy special you’ve been waiting all day to enjoy. They can wait. Sleep matters most. Unless your kid wakes up and needs you. You don’t want them to develop a separation anxiety issue. After all, you are a working mom—you need to spend as much time with your child as possible—even if it means you show up to work a little haggard. 


Appearance. Super important. Sorry, you may be modern but the world will still judge you on one thing first as a woman: your looks. So, make sure you look polished at all times and you wear Spanx if you haven’t gotten back to your pre-baby body by three months postpartum. Though you really should be able to fit in all your pre-pregnancy outfits by then. If not people WILL talk. Even your friends. 


Oh yeah, friends. You’re going to need them. Never mind that you’ve forgotten how to hold a conversation about anything other than baby spit up. This is THE TIME to connect with other moms and, if you don’t do it in the next few years, everyone will already be all buddy buddy with each other and you’ll miss out. In fact, it could seriously affect your child’s networking opportunities as they look into employment options down the road. 


By the way, you’d better start looking into ways to prep your toddler for college admission now. These days, it’s very competitive. You’re going to want to sign your child up for piano (or violin) lessons as soon as they become available — the younger the better! Sports are an absolute must, too. Maybe your kid will get a scholarship if he’s better than everyone else on the team. How else are you going to pay for his education? Don’t push too hard on the athletics, though. Your child could grow up to resent you and hate you if you over-stress him or if you don’t challenge him enough. There’s only a small margin for error either way. 


If you can, volunteer whenever possible. Who cares that you’re working?! You have a whole hour at lunch available—that’s the perfect time to drive across town to participate in this month’s Halloween, Valentine's, May Day or Just Because It's Tuesday Celebration at the elementary school. This is YOUR CHILD we’re talking about, after all. You can never get this once-in-a-lifetime memory back again.


Memories! Pay special attention to making every Christmas morning and the Easter Basket as memorable as possible. After all, Susie’s mom down the street is at home every day making milk and cookies. You (please remember or I will need to remind you again) are not. This is the least you can do for your poor kid—she’s missing out on so many other bonding moments with you. Search Pinterest for hours until you find the best handmade rainbow unicorn birthday cake recipe to serve at your sweet angel's celebration — the one that requires buying a special pan for $59 even though you have eighty pans in your pantry. This should be easy for you. You are a woman, right? Baking should come naturally to you, as should folding underwear and interior decorating. 


Which reminds me, you need to keep a spotless house. Make sure it's perfectly organized and clean. What if someone comes over? Of course it may take five hours to scrub from top to bottom but what else could you possibly be spending your time on that you can't make more of an effort in this area? 

DON’T FORGET TO SPEND TIME ON YOURSELF, THOUGH. You don’t want a major illness, do you? Better make it every year to the doctor for a Pap smear and a skin check. Also, work in exercise seven days a week, make your own farm-fresh, five-course meals, drink 8 glasses of water a day, and go to therapy. Go even if it’s not covered by insurance. Some things must be put to the top of your list! Don’t go into debt over it, though. That will really mess you up. 


OH, COUPLES CARE! THIS IS CRITICAL. Get a babysitter! But go out after your kids go to sleep so you don’t steal time away from them to make it happen. They need you! You’ve been gone all day and they miss you, remember? So what if you’re too tired at 9 pm to hit the town? Your marriage depends on this! Sometimes you have to push yourself to your limits to make time for what matters. Stay sexy. Resentment is unattractive. Who cares if you're doing way more than half of the work to make your family's life run? That's just the way it is. There are even studies to prove it. You can do anything for 18 short years. Suck it up. 


Above all else, stay balanced and happy and content. After all, this is the life you always dreamed of. You're just going to need to work a little harder to make it a reality. 


What I Say Back: 


If having it all means missing out on what matters, I'm out. If leaning in means sacrificing joy and contentment, I quit. If working so hard to achieve  perfect balance means I never make it to my top priorities, I just can't abide. I'm tired of performing. 


Mama, I'm not willing to lose myself, my authentic relationships with my children, my love for my partner or my sanity for some version of happiness someone else defines...and neither should you. It's time to learn how to truly win at parenting without losing ourselves. 


Know a mom-to-be or a new mom who could use some help caring for herself while she cares for her little one? 


Grab the book! Out March 17, 2020.



The Overwhelmed Working Mom Freebie

DOWNLOAD
By SYSTEMIC CHANGE 18 Apr, 2024
About Our Guest: Whitney Casares, MD, MPH, FAAP, is a practicing board-certified pediatrician, author, speaker, and full-time working mom. Dr. Whitney is a Stanford University-trained private practice physician whose expertise spans the public health, direct patient care, and media worlds. She holds a Master of Public Health in Maternal and Child Health from The University of California, Berkeley, and a Journalism degree from California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo. She is also CEO and Founder of Modern Mommy Doc. Dr. Whitney advocates for the success of career-driven caregivers in all facets of their lives, guiding them toward increased focus, happiness, and effectiveness despite the systemic challenges and inherent biases that threaten to undermine them. She speaks nationally about her Centered Life Blueprint, which teaches working caregivers how to pay attention to what matters most amid pressure, at multibillion-dollar corporations like Adidas and Nike, and at executive-level conferences. She is a spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics and medical consultant for large-scale organizations, including Good Housekeeping magazine, Gerber, and L’Oreal (CeraVe). Her work has been featured in Forbes, Thrive Global, and TODAY Parenting. She is a regular contributor to Psychology Today. Dr. Whitney practices medicine in Portland, Oregon, where she and her husband raise their two young daughters. About the Episode: Dr. Whitney shares the principles she's learned as a solopreneur in the health and wellness space, the failures she's faced, and the truths she wishes she would have known from the very beginning. Episode Takeaways: This is not an episode about “how to grow a multimillion dollar business” or how to double your following overnight. I really shy away from talking about business because it’s disheartening to see that most of the people making online are people who are trying to teach you how to make money online. This is an episode that comes from many conversations I’ve had recently with people who are wanting to start a side hustle or even a full blown business, but are curious how to do that with the rest of life that’s going on around them. I’ve recently made a hugely drastic shift in my career and have moved from private practice into a company called Blueberry Pediatrics . It is a shift that still allows me to practice medicine as well as still running Modern Mommy Doc full time. The thinking behind this shift really is born out of these 8 tips I have about running a business while you’re working full time or maybe still taking care of your family. 1) Know your why. We’ve heard it a thousand times, but if we don’t know the driving force behind why we want to do a certain thing, it’s infinitely easier to stop doing it when things get hard. Ask yourself why you’re so committed to this one particular area. In my business, my why is to help, support, and encourage women (specifically working moms) so they don’t feel alone in their journey. So when I’m pulled away from my family for a time period or I’m exhausted from traveling, I remember the greater mission behind what I do. 2) Expect that you’re going to fail. I just pulled the plug on a project we had been working on at Modern Mommy Doc for two years: the Modern Mamas Club app. I thought it was going to be so valuable for moms, when in reality it was just duplicating what we already had. I learned so much through that process and at the beginning, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Failure is a natural part of growth. 3) Prepare to invest in your business. With your time, with your money, with your emotions. People ask me how I grew and I told them it took a lot of time and a lot of my own money. There were times that that was discouraging, but because all of this was tied to my why, I was able to push forward. 4) Figure out what you can outsource and what has to be done by you. At the beginning you might not have any money to outsource with. But set yourself up for success and know what you’ll hand off when you get to that point. Don’t waste time trying to do it all. 5) Network based on what you love & pay for good PR. When you want to grow your business, network with the people that you genuinely connect with, not just because you might get a sale. Figure out who it would be mutually beneficial for you to get to know. And when it comes to PR, you’ve gotta pay to play the game. PR isn’t for instant leads, but is also a long game like networking. You show up, do the interviews, and every once in a while something will pop and you might get a ton more exposure. 6) Prepare for other people to not be on your level and to try to pull you back down to theirs. No one wants the homeostasis to change. That’s why it’s so important to surround yourself (even virtually) who believe in you and/or who are on the same journey with you. It doesn’t have to be in the same industry, but look out for other working moms that you can get to know. 7) Give something back to yourself along the way. If you aren’t making a single dollar and giving it all away to the business, you’re down a quick path to resentment. I understand all the moms who just over-function and grind it out to get things done (I was one!) but you’ve got to get a reward from the thing that you’ve been putting so much into. A small way I do this is by working at a coffee shop a couple times a week. It reminds me that I’m so grateful for my job, that it’s flexible so that I work where I want, and that I’m in control of my life. A big way I do this is through a travel rotation with my kids and husband. Each trip I go on while consulting, I’ll rotate through taking one daughter, then the next, then my husband, then I’ll do a solo trip. These are trips they never would have been able to take on their own, and it’s a cool way my business gets to give back to my family. 8) The way you set up your business is a marker if you will be successful. Not the way you structure it, but the mindset you have around it. In fact, there are so many parallels between the way I run my business and the things I taught in my newest book, Doing It All: trying to build efficiency into how I do my tasks, batching my work, not spending extra time on stuff that doesn’t matter at all, swapping out for what others can do for me, pairing things that aren’t enjoyable with things that are, not letting things contaminate my time, and making sure my desk, home, and calendar are decluttered. More Blogs on this Topic: T he forgotten boundary: setting limits with yourself Thanks for the cookies in the breakroom, I’m still tired Wake up, working mama. Are you wasting your life? More Podcast Episodes on this Topic: T ranslating “mom skills” into “boss skills” How to be an ambitious, out of the box, career maker and an engaged mom How to claim your confidence as a working mom
By No More Hot Mess Moms 05 Apr, 2024
You're not helping anyone by constantly abandoning yourself.
By Building You and YOUR Family's Best Life 04 Apr, 2024
What if just ONE thing could be the difference between your misery and your happiness?
By Body Love 28 Mar, 2024
It's time to balance teaching our kids to love their bodies with teaching them how to take care of them.
By Systemic Change 21 Mar, 2024
Basic wellness programs aren't enough to change the game for modern day workers. What we really need is systemic change.

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ON THE PODCAST


By SYSTEMIC CHANGE 18 Apr, 2024
About Our Guest: Whitney Casares, MD, MPH, FAAP, is a practicing board-certified pediatrician, author, speaker, and full-time working mom. Dr. Whitney is a Stanford University-trained private practice physician whose expertise spans the public health, direct patient care, and media worlds. She holds a Master of Public Health in Maternal and Child Health from The University of California, Berkeley, and a Journalism degree from California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo. She is also CEO and Founder of Modern Mommy Doc. Dr. Whitney advocates for the success of career-driven caregivers in all facets of their lives, guiding them toward increased focus, happiness, and effectiveness despite the systemic challenges and inherent biases that threaten to undermine them. She speaks nationally about her Centered Life Blueprint, which teaches working caregivers how to pay attention to what matters most amid pressure, at multibillion-dollar corporations like Adidas and Nike, and at executive-level conferences. She is a spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics and medical consultant for large-scale organizations, including Good Housekeeping magazine, Gerber, and L’Oreal (CeraVe). Her work has been featured in Forbes, Thrive Global, and TODAY Parenting. She is a regular contributor to Psychology Today. Dr. Whitney practices medicine in Portland, Oregon, where she and her husband raise their two young daughters. About the Episode: Dr. Whitney shares the principles she's learned as a solopreneur in the health and wellness space, the failures she's faced, and the truths she wishes she would have known from the very beginning. Episode Takeaways: This is not an episode about “how to grow a multimillion dollar business” or how to double your following overnight. I really shy away from talking about business because it’s disheartening to see that most of the people making online are people who are trying to teach you how to make money online. This is an episode that comes from many conversations I’ve had recently with people who are wanting to start a side hustle or even a full blown business, but are curious how to do that with the rest of life that’s going on around them. I’ve recently made a hugely drastic shift in my career and have moved from private practice into a company called Blueberry Pediatrics . It is a shift that still allows me to practice medicine as well as still running Modern Mommy Doc full time. The thinking behind this shift really is born out of these 8 tips I have about running a business while you’re working full time or maybe still taking care of your family. 1) Know your why. We’ve heard it a thousand times, but if we don’t know the driving force behind why we want to do a certain thing, it’s infinitely easier to stop doing it when things get hard. Ask yourself why you’re so committed to this one particular area. In my business, my why is to help, support, and encourage women (specifically working moms) so they don’t feel alone in their journey. So when I’m pulled away from my family for a time period or I’m exhausted from traveling, I remember the greater mission behind what I do. 2) Expect that you’re going to fail. I just pulled the plug on a project we had been working on at Modern Mommy Doc for two years: the Modern Mamas Club app. I thought it was going to be so valuable for moms, when in reality it was just duplicating what we already had. I learned so much through that process and at the beginning, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Failure is a natural part of growth. 3) Prepare to invest in your business. With your time, with your money, with your emotions. People ask me how I grew and I told them it took a lot of time and a lot of my own money. There were times that that was discouraging, but because all of this was tied to my why, I was able to push forward. 4) Figure out what you can outsource and what has to be done by you. At the beginning you might not have any money to outsource with. But set yourself up for success and know what you’ll hand off when you get to that point. Don’t waste time trying to do it all. 5) Network based on what you love & pay for good PR. When you want to grow your business, network with the people that you genuinely connect with, not just because you might get a sale. Figure out who it would be mutually beneficial for you to get to know. And when it comes to PR, you’ve gotta pay to play the game. PR isn’t for instant leads, but is also a long game like networking. You show up, do the interviews, and every once in a while something will pop and you might get a ton more exposure. 6) Prepare for other people to not be on your level and to try to pull you back down to theirs. No one wants the homeostasis to change. That’s why it’s so important to surround yourself (even virtually) who believe in you and/or who are on the same journey with you. It doesn’t have to be in the same industry, but look out for other working moms that you can get to know. 7) Give something back to yourself along the way. If you aren’t making a single dollar and giving it all away to the business, you’re down a quick path to resentment. I understand all the moms who just over-function and grind it out to get things done (I was one!) but you’ve got to get a reward from the thing that you’ve been putting so much into. A small way I do this is by working at a coffee shop a couple times a week. It reminds me that I’m so grateful for my job, that it’s flexible so that I work where I want, and that I’m in control of my life. A big way I do this is through a travel rotation with my kids and husband. Each trip I go on while consulting, I’ll rotate through taking one daughter, then the next, then my husband, then I’ll do a solo trip. These are trips they never would have been able to take on their own, and it’s a cool way my business gets to give back to my family. 8) The way you set up your business is a marker if you will be successful. Not the way you structure it, but the mindset you have around it. In fact, there are so many parallels between the way I run my business and the things I taught in my newest book, Doing It All: trying to build efficiency into how I do my tasks, batching my work, not spending extra time on stuff that doesn’t matter at all, swapping out for what others can do for me, pairing things that aren’t enjoyable with things that are, not letting things contaminate my time, and making sure my desk, home, and calendar are decluttered. More Blogs on this Topic: T he forgotten boundary: setting limits with yourself Thanks for the cookies in the breakroom, I’m still tired Wake up, working mama. Are you wasting your life? More Podcast Episodes on this Topic: T ranslating “mom skills” into “boss skills” How to be an ambitious, out of the box, career maker and an engaged mom How to claim your confidence as a working mom
By Body Love 28 Mar, 2024
It's time to balance teaching our kids to love their bodies with teaching them how to take care of them.
By No More Hot Mess Moms 14 Mar, 2024
Getting your little one to sleep is about sustainability and evidence-based strategy.
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