Have you ever bought a planner thinking it was going to fix all your problems? Or made a chore chart for your kids, just sure that this would be the thing that would motivate them to do their jobs with happy hearts?
Two weeks in, the planner has never made it out of your purse and your kids are already complaining about which jobs they have to do that week.
Been there.
That’s the problem when we’re trying to solve things in our lives by looking microscopically.
There’s a reason that planner isn’t going to turn you into a whole new person. We’re trying to bandage the symptoms rather than digging into what the problem is as a whole.
Instead, we need to find areas in our lives that, when they’re done well, allow pretty much everything else to fall into place–at least in that area. And when we find those, I’d bet a billion dollars that there’s going to be things that we
thought would be
the thing that aren’t. And that we need to just ease up on.
Determining your “lynch pins”
A lynch pin in your life is what keeps that whooole thing turning. Without it, the whole system breaks down. But when it’s in the right spot, *chef’s kiss.* Now, I’m not saying one habit or system will give you all your heart’s desires, but there’s certainly areas that will fall into place.
Those lynch pins become your hills to die on. The things that are non-negotiable in your day that make your life just work.
One of my lynch pins is going to bed with a clean sink and clear counters every night. I know that sounds over the top or maybe that it can’t possibly be
that big of a deal to make such a huge difference. Lemme explain.
I’ve talked before about how
visual clutter can raise cortisol levels, specifically in women. If I walk into the kitchen in the morning and see a sink full of dirty dishes and junk all over the counters, I can physically feel my body grow tense. It’s like a sink full of reminders that I’m not living up to my own or the world’s expectations of me. Who knew dishes had such power?
If those dishes are sitting there while my girls are getting ready for school, inevitably, my oldest daughter’s favorite bowl for oatmeal or my youngest’s water bottle for school will be at the bottom of the pile. If there’s backpacks flung everywhere, there’s for sure papers I haven’t seen or reports I haven’t signed. And all of that makes chaos while we try to get out the door.
And a chaotic mom eeeeasily turns into a yelling mom.
The clean sink is what allows us to actually enjoy (as much as we can) the process of getting ready with our kids in the morning. Or at least doesn’t make us hate it.
Maybe you need to find your lynch pin in your finances. Just like clutter invites clutter (if they see someone else’s dirty clothes on the floor, they’re more likely to just drop theirs there too), unwise spending invites more unwise spending.
So one week of eating out every day for lunch makes it 100x easier to just roll that habit into the next week. Or just assuming there’s money left in the entertainment budget without checking helps you justify going to the movies…and then dinner. And then drinks. So the lynch pin is a weekly 15 minute budget check in. Then you’ve set yourself up for success and you can head to sushi after work totally guilt free.
Maybe you need to let go
For me, those are what I hold on tight to. It’s a very rare occasion that we wake up to dirty dishes, but it’s not because I think my house has to look like a museum. It’s because everything goes SO much more smoothly when it’s done.
On occasion, though, it’s actually a good idea to loosen the reins in some areas in a way that will help other things fall into place. Look at parenting. Let’s say you’re trying to work on your daughter making it through dinner, sitting in her chair the whole time. While you normally wouldn’t allow her to talk with her mouth full or maybe have a little toy in her lap, this might be the season to let that slide.
When you’re first starting to make a budget, you might think you need to tell your husband that he needs to cut his drinks out with his buddies, his subscriptions to gaming, as well as cutting cable. That seems like it might get you to your goals faster.
And, well, it might.
But he would be miserable if you took away all the fun. Which, in turn, would make YOU miserable.
What are the things at home, at work, in your marriage, with your kids that you need to just let go of? What expectations do you need to throw off?
And what do you need to put in place in order to get your systems to be running like a machine? That would bring peace into your home?
I write about how to create these lynch pins and how to decide what to let go of in my new book,
Doing it All. It just launched and I can’t wait for it to get in your hands!
I know first-hand that working mom life is hard, but I also know it doesn’t have to be impossible.
Trust me. The best way to get unstuck isn’t to work harder. It’s to use a framework that gets real results, no matter what area you need to tackle first.