Whether you’ve been a mom for one minute or one decade, you know this: taking care of yourself matters — not because you "deserve" a latte or a spin class but because being a mom to young kids means inevitably living with some chaos. To deal with that chaos, to live with it, not just through it, to give yourself fully to your kids, whether you're a stay at home mom or a working mom, you have to back away from it sometimes. You have to fill your cup before you can fill everyone else's. That means you have to practice self-care as you take care of all your other obligations and priorities.
Self-care does not happen in a bubble, impervious to real-life factors around us like illness, scheduling hiccups, and last-minute interruptions. When I wrote the first draft of this chapter, I was sitting in a beautiful bed and breakfast king-sized bed on what was meant to be a romantic getaway with my husband. Turns out the stomach flu had a particular interest in attacking my entire family on that exact day. I spent the first thirty hours of the “vacation” making multiple trips to the deluxe bathroom. I never enjoyed the spa jetted tub, but the toilet and I became close friends. Not to fill you in on all the gory details, but let’s just say my self-care plans were more than thwarted.
Not every attempt to find balance is quite so viciously attacked by life’s forces but, let’s face it, we can all use all the help we can get to avoid mishaps along the way and to minimize hassle for ourselves and for everyone around us. I make my self-care rituals work for me by doing four things in advance:
Simplifying and Enjoying Expecting and Planning for Barriers Learning How to Filter Getting Realistic
This week we'll talk about the first, and most important step:
simplifying and enjoying
When my first daughter was born, I really could not wait to get out of the house. She was colicky and exhausting and, in turn, I was a hot mess. It was obvious that I needed a bit of time away from her but I felt guilty about it so, instead of using minutes and hours away from her to actually spend time on self-care, I spent time doing chores. It helped me feel like I was accomplishing something, like there was a reason beyond self-preservation for getting out and away. Unfortunately, my plan of cramming a bunch of tasks into each free hour I had quickly backfired. Instead of feeling relaxed and ready to parent when I returned home, I felt like the family servant. I did all the work when I was at home with her, when I was at work, and when I was away from her in my “spare time.”
I’m not alone in filling up hours away from my kids with to dos, obligations, and tasks. I see moms every day in my office weighed down by the items on their lists, by the check boxes that have yet to be checked for the day. Sometimes you feel like you’re on top of the world when you run a ton of errands all in one day so you can feel accomplished and, because, sometimes things just need to get done. But sometimes, you feel run down and even more stressed after running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Instead, pick some times for you that are only about taking care of yourself so you can come home refreshed. Think about the activities you do that bring you real happiness, the appointments on your calendar from the last month that made you happiest.
Next week, we'll dive into Step 2: Expecting and Planning for Barriers
I know first-hand that working mom life is hard, but I also know it doesn’t have to be impossible.
Trust me. The best way to get unstuck isn’t to work harder. It’s to use a framework that gets real results, no matter what area you need to tackle first.