Can you remember back to the holidays when you were in elementary school? I remember parties in class where we got to bring in treats and watch a movie. I remember either a Christmas play or a concert at school. And that was about it.

Now it’s not a play, it’s a pageant. It’s no longer just line by line of “The Night Before Christmas,” but it’s 12 songs to memorize with choreography and costumes. And then there’s the reception after (that you signed up to bring snacks to.) Then the Christmas concert (that is somehow different from all the songs you listened to at the pageant.)

Then classroom parties. Teacher gifts. Classroom gifts (didn’t know that was a thing!) Class parties after school at friends’ houses. And parties at gymnastics. And girl scouts. And for the soccer team.

What in the actual hell?

This week’s Working Mom’s Guide to the Holidays takes on school obligations...and I’m basically adding in there any obligation that comes from having children 🤣 All the plays and extra parties. All the things you’d NEVER be doing if you didn’t have kids (bless their sticky little hearts.)

How do you manage all the expectations that come home every day in your kids’ backpacks in the form of a brightly colored flyer? There’s no way you can say yes to them all (and you definitely don’t want to say yes to them all. Trust me.)

As always, start at your Centered Vision. This time, we’re not only going to ask what matters most to us, but what matters most to our kiddos. If they’re at an age where this would be appropriate, it’s a great opportunity to give a bite-sized lesson on boundaries. 

Ask them what they love most about the holidays: baking cookies, movie nights on the couch, going out and seeing lights, etc...and explain that those things would get skipped over or maybe rushed though if there was something every night that you had to go to (including your own stuff--make sure they know that you’re limiting your obligations as well!)

Before you get to this next step, you need to do some self-evaluation. What does your capacity for kid stuff look like this year? Because we all know saying yes to something for your kids isn’t usually just as simple as dropping them off and picking them up. There’s usually a whole host of other things coming your way. 

First, take a look at the things that are basically a given that they’re happening and require little on your part. Classroom party that’s already happening at school? Sign up for your snack and then go right to your next grocery delivery and add to cart. Automation for the win!

With all the rest, figure out your magic number (and it can be different for everyone!) How many can you reasonably see yourself being willing to participate in? That’s your magic number. Now your kiddo gets to choose. For instance, if you decide that you could add one thing per week, give them their options for each week and let them choose which one they want to be a part of. If it’s three for the whole season, they get to pick three.

Pro-Parenting tip #1:

if there’s something you DEFINITELY don’t want to do (I’m looking at you, caroling with the cul-de-sac) don’t include it on the list! No sense in putting something on there that you’re dreading from the second it’s on the calendar. 

Pro-Parenting Tip #2:

before you give your kiddo their options to choose from, do the same thing for yourself (and be looking for our blog soon about how to manage work obligations). You have to make sure that the work party you definitely have to be at or your mom’s annual Christmas party isn’t on the same night as your daughter’s cookie decorating party. Or even just REGULAR work obligations.

Let me save you the hassle of having to have that conversation with your kiddo to tell them, “I KNOW it was your number one thing on the list, but I just realized we can’t actually go because mommy has to go to work.” Been there. It’s terrible.

Want to see how other working moms are handling the many, many school obligations during the holidays? Come join the conversations over at the Modern Mamas Club. Join through a virtual event and your first month is free!