Non-binary parenting isn’t about gender roles or gender affirming care. Dr. Whitney is talking about looking at parenting with a whole new perspective in the way that we deal with conflict with our children as well as how we can develop skills for them now that will create successful adults.

Key takeaways:

• Often in parenting we can look at things in a very binary or black and white way of thinking. A behavior is either good or bad. We look at things in a very solutions-oriented manner. If a child misbehaves, here is your punishment. However, there are some circumstances in which our child’s behavior and our response to them are not cut and dry. This generation has the privilege of figuring out if there is a middle ground that can be reached in our parenting or even our experience as parents.

• We can approach scenarios with our children in a “yes, but” or “yes, and” mindset. “Yes, but” tells us that when our child misbehaves, we might think “that was bad, but I’ve got to do something about it.” “Yes, and” allows us to get to the root of the matter and think, “Yes, that was bad, and there was maybe something going on that affected her behavior.” The consequence might end up being the same, but the perspective as a parent is different as well as your level of exhaustion and burnout.

• This non-binary perspective allows me to see both sides of the coin and to be less reactive and more responsive to my child. It allows me to see that the behavior is not okay, but the emotion behind it is. Remember, we’re not actually trying to solve behavior with our child right now. We are actually trying to teach them resilience and skills that will help them when they get to their adulthood.

• Separating a behavior from an emotion reduces shame in our kids. It tells them that they’re not a bad person but we won’t tolerate the bad behavior. And allows them to feel ALL the feelings that they have instead of just stifling them. It gives them the space to learn from their mistakes.
  

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