It’s Christmas morning. You’ve just sat down with your favorite mug to watch your kids open their presents. It’s chilly outside, but you’re feeling so cozy and grateful for this time. Nothing could ruin this moment.
And then the tears start.
“I didn’t get the art set I wanted! That’s what I wanted the most! I hate Christmas!”
Well, that’ll snap you back into reality.
As much as we’d love it if they could, kids don’t automatically fast forward into maturity just because it’s Christmas time. Disappointment, overwhelm, and exhaustion are all normonal feelings for kids to have in this next month. And they’re probably not ready to handle that on their own just yet.
Can you imagine? “I think I’m going to lie down for a bit. All of the people and the noise are overstimulating me. So I’m going to take some time to rest so I can come out later and be at my best.”
Every mom would fall over dead.
So how can we help set our kids up for success when it comes to their expectations and emotions around Christmas?
Be very clear on what you know.
There’s so many surprising and unexpected things that happen in the month of December. Drop-by visitors, seeing people you only visit once a year, later bedtimes. All of this can throw kids for a loop. And while you want to maintain as much of the magic and mystery that you can surrounding the season, if there are concrete things you can tell your kids, do that!
Let them know the schedule for the day/week/month in advance. Help them to see when new things have been added to the calendar and where you’ve got nothing planned so they can recharge.
If things will look different this year for Christmas, it’s best to be upfront about that too. Lots of families are feeling the stretch of their budget not going as far right now, and buying gifts only makes that worse. Although you probably don’t want to delve into the ins and outs of your portfolio with your kids, don’t be afraid to have those conversations.
If this year there’s only room for either Christmas morning gifts OR the lots of little things you add in throughout the month, let them choose. That way they still feel like they’re getting what they want out of the holiday season. Or if you can only afford 1-2 gifts per child, ask them to tell you their top items on their Christmas list so you can avoid meltdowns on Christmas morning.
Ask for their input.
Not only do you want to find out their top gift ideas, ask them what an ideal Christmas season looks like. Is there an activity that they love that makes it feel like Christmas to them? Planning out things for your Elf on the Shelf to do every day makes NO sense if your kid couldn’t care less and only wants to bake cookies and watch Christmas movies.
It’s also a great idea to talk to them about how they’ve experienced their emotions about Christmas in the past. And don’t be afraid to be truthful with them–it will only help both of you understand how they feel. I have one daughter who would be disappointed on Christmas no matter what I do. If she got a pony, she’d be sad she didn’t get a horse. It’s not really about entitlement, that’s just how she processes all the things that the holidays bring.
So this year, I’m trying to have a conversation with her about it. Something like, “A lot of times, it seems like you’re disappointed with how Christmas turns out for you. What else could we do, besides more presents, that could help it feel more special?” You’ll be surprised what they come up with!
Practice Radical Acceptance (and help your kiddos with it too!)
As much as I’d love to give you advice that will work every time so your kids end every Christmas season by running to give you a big bear hug and a huge “THANKS mom for all you do! You’re the best!”, that’s just not gonna happen. Kids are still kids and most of the time, THEIR reactions also don’t live up to OUR expectations.
So you also need to go into this season with the mentality that some days are going to be great. And some might suck. But that’s okay. It would make sense to feel stressed when money is tight. It would make sense to feel sad when you’re missing family. It would make sense that you’re disappointed not to be able to attend your favorite event of the year.
But the sooner you can accept those feelings as good and valid, the sooner you can move forward. Same with your kids! Help them to see that all their feelings make sense, but [X] is how to move forward.
Then you BOTH can have a very merry holiday season.
