MMD BLOG


CATEGORY:

BREASTFEEDING + NEW MAMA

BREASTFEEDING | WHEN YOU'RE NOT THE PARENT YOU HOPED YOU'D BE

 Modern Mommy Doc


PUBLICATION DATE:

December 22, 2017

BREASTFEEDING | WHEN YOU'RE NOT THE PARENT YOU HOPED YOU'D BE

 Modern Mommy Doc

CATEGORY: BREASTFEEDING + NEW MAMA

She was already crying when I opened the door to the exam room. She sat, defeated, her newborn baby snuggled closely in her arms, huge crocodile tears slipping down her cheeks. Try as she might, she could not get the latch right when she tried to nurse. She told me she must be one of those "breastfeeding failures." She had spent the last four days in pain as her baby clamped down on her again and again. Now, exhausted and defeated, she wasn't sure how to move forward.


I watched as she told me her story. Her shoulders were heaving as she took gulping breaths between sobs. I knew what she really meant: "I feel like I have already failed at this whole mother thing and I am less than a week into it. I am not the parent I hoped I would be."



Breastfeeding is a parenting area ripe for disappointment.


We put a ton of pressure on mothers-to-be, then don't educate them well before their babies are born on the potential pitfalls of this not-so-intuitive task. After birth, support from other experienced breastfeeders is usually minimal at home. Add in that we often put the onus on moms to do most of the day and night care within a family? Bam. Stress City, here we come (you can get information and help preparing to be a new mom by subscribing to our free guide here).


No wonder we have so many new moms that don't keep going.


FACT: While 79% of new moms start out breastfeeding, only 49% are still breastfeeding at six months and, at 12 months, the rate drops to 27% (rates as of 2011 from the CDC).



Of course, I get and support the Breast is Best movement when possible. The benefits of breast milk and breastfeeding are super clear. I want to help nursing parents reach their breastfeeding goals. But, for those who cannot or do not breastfeed, they often feel (or are made to feel) like they are somehow parenting failures because of their struggles or decisions in this ONE AREA.


Breastfeeding is not the only opportunity to feel, potentially, like a parenting failure. What about when we raise our voice at our toddler when we’re stressed or realize we've been ignoring our baby while we peruse our social media feed? How about the time my doctor friend missed her own kid's broken arm? Yeah, those feel like real "Mother of the Year" moments, too.


Or the bigger, longer-term fears we all have? That the core issues we deal with ourselves are going to royally going to ruin our kids in some way? My mild anxiety (or my a little too laid-back personality), my own parents’ failures, my lack of expertise in all things child-related - all of these insecurities can get in the way of doing our best day by day.



One mom in my office put it so well:


“I handle multi-million dollar sales transactions on a daily basis. I sit in a conference room with other business leaders and can influence their decision-making at the drop of a hat. But getting my toddler to put on her shirt? Somehow, I fail every day at doing that without getting flustered and losing my cool. It’s so demoralizing. I’m scared of what I’ll mess up when she gets older and it really counts.”




Social media feeds our worries on this ALSO.


You’ve seen the articles: “10 Things That Will Mess Up Your Relationship With Your Teenager,” “The 5 Tips You Need To Raise Brave Girls.” They are well-intentioned, and they often have really useful information, but, read enough of them and, in the end, they can leave you feeling stuck, not motivated if consumed without the right perspective.


Our friends, our parents, our significant others - pressure and guilt can come from all sides, piling on a sense that it’s all or nothing. That good enough is never enough. That only the best will do.


But the real secret to successful parenting is understanding and dealing with our own personal struggles and pain points, not pretending they don’t exist or acting like, if we just smile a little brighter, others won’t notice our humanity.


Going to therapy, or to lactation or to our pediatrician for help. Understanding we are not as in control as we think we are most of the time. That sometimes we do our best and take all the classes and read all the books and IT STILL DOESN'T WORK. Taking a look at our own “weaknesses” and fears - these are the things that really make a difference.


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About the Episode: In this episode of the Modern Mommy Doc Podcast, Dr. Whitney sits down with Miyaeva Renae—full-time creator, business owner, and intentional mom—to talk about the real side of new motherhood. Miyaeva opens up about the anxiety and overwhelm she faced after having her son, Stetson, and the rituals that helped her navigate postpartum life with more calm and self-compassion. From calling on her mom and her village for support to learning the importance of asking her fiancé for breaks, she shares how she learned to prioritize her own mental health while caring for her baby. You’ll also hear: How social media both fuels perfectionism and provides unexpected mom-to-mom support. Why ASMR and organization videos became part of her “calm the chaos” toolkit. Her honest take on breastfeeding, weaning, and the bittersweet milestones of a first year. The behind-the-scenes of life as a creator—and why she’s shifting from picture-perfect posts to more authentic, supportive content for moms. The story behind her new clothing line, Every September, created to fill the gap for boy moms who want neutral, stylish mommy-and-me outfits. This conversation is equal parts refreshing and relatable—a reminder that no mom has it all together, and that sometimes the best gift we can give ourselves is permission to be real. Key Takeaways: Motherhood isn’t perfect—and that’s okay. Miyaeva shares how postpartum anxiety pushed her to let go of perfection and focus more on the present moment with her son. Support systems matter. Leaning on her mom, best friend, and fiancé helped her find calm during stressful moments. Self-care can be simple. From eye masks to slippers to a warm shower, Miyaeva shows that little rituals make a big difference in mental health. Authenticity over perfection. Social media can amplify pressure, but it can also create powerful connections when moms are honest about the highs and lows. New ventures come from lived experience. Her clothing line, Every September, was born from her own frustration as a boy mom looking for stylish, neutral mommy-and-me outfits. About Our Guest Miyaeva Renae is a full-time digital creator, entrepreneur, and mom to her one-year-old son, Stetson. Known for her organizing hacks, “day in the life” videos, and calming ASMR routines, she has built a supportive online community of moms who value honesty and relatability over perfection.  Beyond content creation, Miyaeva is the founder of Every September, a clothing brand designed to make mommy-and-me matching accessible and stylish—especially for boy moms. She’s passionate about helping moms feel seen, supported, and less alone in the messy, beautiful reality of parenthood. ✨ Follow Miyaeva: TikTok & YouTube: @miyaevrenae Instagram: @miyaeva Clothing Line: everyseptember.co Want to Start Raising Body-Confident Kids Today? 📘 Pre-order the Book Order your copy of My One-of-a-Kind Body before it launches on October 20, 2025. 👉 www.raisingbodyconfidentkids.com/books 🎁 Claim Your Free Bonus When you pre-order, you’ll also get access to a FREE video mini-course with five bite-sized lessons for parents. In just 25 minutes, you’ll walk away with: Simple, script-style ways to respond when your kid says, “I hate my thighs” How to talk about health without weight talk What to do when your own inner critic shows up How to interrupt diet culture at home The first step to raising a body-confident kid—even if you didn’t grow up as one 📩 Subscribe to The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast for more episodes on parenting with confidence and clarity. Leave a review using the hashtag #ModernMommyDoc.
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ON THE PODCAST


By Dr. Whitney October 1, 2025
About the Episode: In this episode of the Modern Mommy Doc Podcast, Dr. Whitney sits down with Miyaeva Renae—full-time creator, business owner, and intentional mom—to talk about the real side of new motherhood. Miyaeva opens up about the anxiety and overwhelm she faced after having her son, Stetson, and the rituals that helped her navigate postpartum life with more calm and self-compassion. From calling on her mom and her village for support to learning the importance of asking her fiancé for breaks, she shares how she learned to prioritize her own mental health while caring for her baby. You’ll also hear: How social media both fuels perfectionism and provides unexpected mom-to-mom support. Why ASMR and organization videos became part of her “calm the chaos” toolkit. Her honest take on breastfeeding, weaning, and the bittersweet milestones of a first year. The behind-the-scenes of life as a creator—and why she’s shifting from picture-perfect posts to more authentic, supportive content for moms. The story behind her new clothing line, Every September, created to fill the gap for boy moms who want neutral, stylish mommy-and-me outfits. This conversation is equal parts refreshing and relatable—a reminder that no mom has it all together, and that sometimes the best gift we can give ourselves is permission to be real. Key Takeaways: Motherhood isn’t perfect—and that’s okay. Miyaeva shares how postpartum anxiety pushed her to let go of perfection and focus more on the present moment with her son. Support systems matter. Leaning on her mom, best friend, and fiancé helped her find calm during stressful moments. Self-care can be simple. From eye masks to slippers to a warm shower, Miyaeva shows that little rituals make a big difference in mental health. Authenticity over perfection. Social media can amplify pressure, but it can also create powerful connections when moms are honest about the highs and lows. New ventures come from lived experience. Her clothing line, Every September, was born from her own frustration as a boy mom looking for stylish, neutral mommy-and-me outfits. About Our Guest Miyaeva Renae is a full-time digital creator, entrepreneur, and mom to her one-year-old son, Stetson. Known for her organizing hacks, “day in the life” videos, and calming ASMR routines, she has built a supportive online community of moms who value honesty and relatability over perfection.  Beyond content creation, Miyaeva is the founder of Every September, a clothing brand designed to make mommy-and-me matching accessible and stylish—especially for boy moms. She’s passionate about helping moms feel seen, supported, and less alone in the messy, beautiful reality of parenthood. ✨ Follow Miyaeva: TikTok & YouTube: @miyaevrenae Instagram: @miyaeva Clothing Line: everyseptember.co Want to Start Raising Body-Confident Kids Today? 📘 Pre-order the Book Order your copy of My One-of-a-Kind Body before it launches on October 20, 2025. 👉 www.raisingbodyconfidentkids.com/books 🎁 Claim Your Free Bonus When you pre-order, you’ll also get access to a FREE video mini-course with five bite-sized lessons for parents. In just 25 minutes, you’ll walk away with: Simple, script-style ways to respond when your kid says, “I hate my thighs” How to talk about health without weight talk What to do when your own inner critic shows up How to interrupt diet culture at home The first step to raising a body-confident kid—even if you didn’t grow up as one 📩 Subscribe to The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast for more episodes on parenting with confidence and clarity. Leave a review using the hashtag #ModernMommyDoc.
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