“Mom, I don’t really like these apples. Can I have a different snack?”

That was the moment I lost it. I yelled to everyone who was listening (which was actually no one, honestly), “Does anyone see that I’m trying to work? Do you think I have nothing better to do with my time than to constantly find new ways to feed you tiny humans?”

If I’m being completely transparent, it wasn’t about the snacks. It wasn’t even really about the work. For me, it was a combination of things that created the perfect mom-storm:

I had a really long day at work and still couldn’t complete everything I needed to do at the office, so I had to bring it home. Which made me feel like a bad mom. 

One of my daughters was blasting some music to drown out the sounds of my other calming herself down with her emotional support robot (which made me feel like a terrible mom that she needed one in the first place and that I couldn’t help her myself…which is dumb because it helps her SO much.) The loud music from her sister was only making it harder for her to calm down.

I can’t say I was at my best in the moment that I lost control and started shouting into the cupboards while on the search for the perfect snack.

So what can we take away from my “learning experience”? I won’t call it a failure, even though that’s what it would look like to any other observer.

I think we need to realize that as moms, we’re kinda fortune tellers; we can basically predict the future. Think about when your kiddo goes to a sleepover. You know the next day they’re going to need a wide berth and might need some extra patience due to their lack of sleep.

Or how on Tuesdays, you know your husband has back-to-back meetings that last all day and he’s TOAST when he comes home. So you make sure that you have nothing else arranged for that evening.

See? Fortune teller.

Let’s look at how we, as moms, can apply the same thing to our lives:

Make a list of environmental factors that put you on edge.

Go through all of your senses and start to make a list and be as specific as possible. This could include:

• Too much noise in the car
• Too much clutter on the counters
• The feeling of being touched all the time
• Hearing your kids fighting
• Shoes and backpacks strewn about after school instead of putting them away where they belong

Pay attention to the times that you might be drained already.

It’s going to be different for every person and that doesn’t mean that anyone is a better or worse mom because of it. Grace is the name of the game here.

• On the days where it’s a marathon of meetings
• When you’re about to start your period
• When your mother-in-law is visiting
• When you haven’t had enough sleep

Take note about what situations might trigger you emotionally.

This one is harder because it’s not as easy to pinpoint when it happens. It’s usually a couple of layers deep.

• When your kids don’t have clean socks for school in the morning, which makes you feel like you aren’t doing enough.
• When you run out of your kids’ favorite snacks, which reminds you of the times when money was really tight.

Lastly, take a look at when your kids might need some extra grace.

They’re going to have harder days, just like us.

• When they’ve had friends over and are overstimulated
• After screen time is over
• First thing in the morning
• When they’re hungry

When you combine things from more than one of those categories, that’s when the action usually happens. But if you’re being really observant and paying attention to the signs beforehand, you might be able to calm the situation before it starts.

If we go back to the snack request heard ‘round the world, I could have seen it coming:

• I was already depleted from work.
• There was SO much noise happening.
• Mom guilt. Enough said.
• Big emotions from my kid.

I already knew that each of those separately would hit me hard and I wouldn’t be at my best. But I wasn’t prepared to handle all of them at once.

Had I given myself a few extra minutes in the driveway to give myself some breathing room before I went in, my fuse wouldn’t have been as short. If I had walked into my daughter’s room to ask if we could shut the door, there probably wouldn’t have been a chain reaction.

But I didn’t do those things because, at the time, I wasn’t aware of the things that could be triggering me. I just assumed everything was the worst.

But when you’re aware of all the deposits and withdrawals that are happening with your emotions and energy, you’re going to be so much more prepared to take on the things as they come.

We talk a lot about how to manage all of this as working moms in the Modern Mamas Club App! Join us by downloading the app today.