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FEELING TRIGGERED? STOP THE MAMA MELTDOWNS BEFORE THEY START.

 Modern Mommy Doc


PUBLICATION DATE:

Sep 12, 2022

FEELING TRIGGERED? STOP THE MAMA MELTDOWNS BEFORE THEY START.

 Modern Mommy Doc

CATEGORY: MOM RAGE

“Mom, I don’t really like these apples. Can I have a different snack?”


That was the moment I lost it. I yelled to everyone who was listening (which was actually no one, honestly), “Does anyone see that I’m trying to work? Do you think I have nothing better to do with my time than to constantly find new ways to feed you tiny humans?”


If I’m being completely transparent, it wasn’t about the snacks. It wasn’t even really about the work. For me, it was a combination of things that created the perfect mom-storm:


I had a really long day at work and still couldn’t complete everything I needed to do at the office, so I had to bring it home. Which made me feel like a bad mom. 


One of my daughters was blasting some music to drown out the sounds of my other calming herself down with her
emotional support robot (which made me feel like a terrible mom that she needed one in the first place and that I couldn’t help her myself…which is dumb because it helps her SO much.) The loud music from her sister was only making it harder for her to calm down.


I can’t say I was at my best in the moment that I lost control and started shouting into the cupboards while on the search for the perfect snack.


So what can we take away from my “learning experience”? I won’t call it a failure, even though that’s what it would look like to any other observer.


I think we need to realize that as moms, we’re kinda fortune tellers; we can basically predict the future. Think about when your kiddo goes to a sleepover. You know the next day they’re going to need a wide berth and might need some extra patience due to their lack of sleep.


Or how on Tuesdays, you know your husband has back-to-back meetings that last all day and he’s TOAST when he comes home. So you make sure that you have nothing else arranged for that evening.


See? Fortune teller.


Let’s look at how we, as moms, can apply the same thing to our lives:


Make a list of environmental factors that put you on edge.

Go through all of your senses and start to make a list and be as specific as possible. This could include:

  • Too much noise in the car
  • Too much clutter on the counters
  • The feeling of being touched all the time
  • Hearing your kids fighting
  • Shoes and backpacks strewn about after school instead of putting them away where they belong

Pay attention to the times that you might be drained already.

It’s going to be different for every person and that doesn’t mean that anyone is a better or worse mom because of it. Grace is the name of the game here.

  • On the days where it’s a marathon of meetings
  • When you’re about to start your period
  • When your mother-in-law is visiting
  • When you haven’t had enough sleep

Take note about what situations might trigger you emotionally.

This one is harder because it’s not as easy to pinpoint when it happens. It’s usually a couple of layers deep.

  • When your kids don’t have clean socks for school in the morning, which makes you feel like you aren’t doing enough.
  • When you run out of your kids’ favorite snacks, which reminds you of the times when money was really tight.

Lastly, take a look at when your kids might need some extra grace.

They’re going to have harder days, just like us.

  • When they’ve had friends over and are overstimulated
  • After screen time is over
  • First thing in the morning
  • When they’re hungry


When you combine things from more than one of those categories, that’s when the action usually happens. But if you’re being really observant and paying attention to the signs beforehand, you might be able to calm the situation before it starts.


If we go back to the snack request heard ‘round the world, I could have seen it coming:
  • I was already depleted from work.
  • There was SO much noise happening.
  • Mom guilt. Enough said.
  • Big emotions from my kid.


I already knew that each of those separately would hit me hard and I wouldn’t be at my best. But I wasn’t prepared to handle all of them at once.


Had I given myself a few extra minutes in the driveway to give myself some breathing room before I went in, my fuse wouldn’t have been as short. If I had walked into my daughter’s room to ask if we could shut the door, there probably wouldn’t have been a chain reaction.


But I didn’t do those things because, at the time, I wasn’t aware of the things that could be triggering me. I just assumed everything was the worst.


But when you’re aware of all the deposits and withdrawals that are happening with your emotions and energy, you’re going to be so much more prepared to take on the things as they come.


We talk a lot about how to manage all of this as working moms in the
Modern Mamas Club App! Join us by downloading the app today.


The Overwhelmed Working Mom Freebie

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By SYSTEMIC CHANGE 18 Apr, 2024
About Our Guest: Whitney Casares, MD, MPH, FAAP, is a practicing board-certified pediatrician, author, speaker, and full-time working mom. Dr. Whitney is a Stanford University-trained private practice physician whose expertise spans the public health, direct patient care, and media worlds. She holds a Master of Public Health in Maternal and Child Health from The University of California, Berkeley, and a Journalism degree from California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo. She is also CEO and Founder of Modern Mommy Doc. Dr. Whitney advocates for the success of career-driven caregivers in all facets of their lives, guiding them toward increased focus, happiness, and effectiveness despite the systemic challenges and inherent biases that threaten to undermine them. She speaks nationally about her Centered Life Blueprint, which teaches working caregivers how to pay attention to what matters most amid pressure, at multibillion-dollar corporations like Adidas and Nike, and at executive-level conferences. She is a spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics and medical consultant for large-scale organizations, including Good Housekeeping magazine, Gerber, and L’Oreal (CeraVe). Her work has been featured in Forbes, Thrive Global, and TODAY Parenting. She is a regular contributor to Psychology Today. Dr. Whitney practices medicine in Portland, Oregon, where she and her husband raise their two young daughters. About the Episode: Dr. Whitney shares the principles she's learned as a solopreneur in the health and wellness space, the failures she's faced, and the truths she wishes she would have known from the very beginning. Episode Takeaways: This is not an episode about “how to grow a multimillion dollar business” or how to double your following overnight. I really shy away from talking about business because it’s disheartening to see that most of the people making online are people who are trying to teach you how to make money online. This is an episode that comes from many conversations I’ve had recently with people who are wanting to start a side hustle or even a full blown business, but are curious how to do that with the rest of life that’s going on around them. I’ve recently made a hugely drastic shift in my career and have moved from private practice into a company called Blueberry Pediatrics . It is a shift that still allows me to practice medicine as well as still running Modern Mommy Doc full time. The thinking behind this shift really is born out of these 8 tips I have about running a business while you’re working full time or maybe still taking care of your family. 1) Know your why. We’ve heard it a thousand times, but if we don’t know the driving force behind why we want to do a certain thing, it’s infinitely easier to stop doing it when things get hard. Ask yourself why you’re so committed to this one particular area. In my business, my why is to help, support, and encourage women (specifically working moms) so they don’t feel alone in their journey. So when I’m pulled away from my family for a time period or I’m exhausted from traveling, I remember the greater mission behind what I do. 2) Expect that you’re going to fail. I just pulled the plug on a project we had been working on at Modern Mommy Doc for two years: the Modern Mamas Club app. I thought it was going to be so valuable for moms, when in reality it was just duplicating what we already had. I learned so much through that process and at the beginning, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Failure is a natural part of growth. 3) Prepare to invest in your business. With your time, with your money, with your emotions. People ask me how I grew and I told them it took a lot of time and a lot of my own money. There were times that that was discouraging, but because all of this was tied to my why, I was able to push forward. 4) Figure out what you can outsource and what has to be done by you. At the beginning you might not have any money to outsource with. But set yourself up for success and know what you’ll hand off when you get to that point. Don’t waste time trying to do it all. 5) Network based on what you love & pay for good PR. When you want to grow your business, network with the people that you genuinely connect with, not just because you might get a sale. Figure out who it would be mutually beneficial for you to get to know. And when it comes to PR, you’ve gotta pay to play the game. PR isn’t for instant leads, but is also a long game like networking. You show up, do the interviews, and every once in a while something will pop and you might get a ton more exposure. 6) Prepare for other people to not be on your level and to try to pull you back down to theirs. No one wants the homeostasis to change. That’s why it’s so important to surround yourself (even virtually) who believe in you and/or who are on the same journey with you. It doesn’t have to be in the same industry, but look out for other working moms that you can get to know. 7) Give something back to yourself along the way. If you aren’t making a single dollar and giving it all away to the business, you’re down a quick path to resentment. I understand all the moms who just over-function and grind it out to get things done (I was one!) but you’ve got to get a reward from the thing that you’ve been putting so much into. A small way I do this is by working at a coffee shop a couple times a week. It reminds me that I’m so grateful for my job, that it’s flexible so that I work where I want, and that I’m in control of my life. A big way I do this is through a travel rotation with my kids and husband. Each trip I go on while consulting, I’ll rotate through taking one daughter, then the next, then my husband, then I’ll do a solo trip. These are trips they never would have been able to take on their own, and it’s a cool way my business gets to give back to my family. 8) The way you set up your business is a marker if you will be successful. Not the way you structure it, but the mindset you have around it. In fact, there are so many parallels between the way I run my business and the things I taught in my newest book, Doing It All: trying to build efficiency into how I do my tasks, batching my work, not spending extra time on stuff that doesn’t matter at all, swapping out for what others can do for me, pairing things that aren’t enjoyable with things that are, not letting things contaminate my time, and making sure my desk, home, and calendar are decluttered. More Blogs on this Topic: T he forgotten boundary: setting limits with yourself Thanks for the cookies in the breakroom, I’m still tired Wake up, working mama. Are you wasting your life? More Podcast Episodes on this Topic: T ranslating “mom skills” into “boss skills” How to be an ambitious, out of the box, career maker and an engaged mom How to claim your confidence as a working mom
By No More Hot Mess Moms 05 Apr, 2024
You're not helping anyone by constantly abandoning yourself.
By Building You and YOUR Family's Best Life 04 Apr, 2024
What if just ONE thing could be the difference between your misery and your happiness?
By Body Love 28 Mar, 2024
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Basic wellness programs aren't enough to change the game for modern day workers. What we really need is systemic change.

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By SYSTEMIC CHANGE 18 Apr, 2024
About Our Guest: Whitney Casares, MD, MPH, FAAP, is a practicing board-certified pediatrician, author, speaker, and full-time working mom. Dr. Whitney is a Stanford University-trained private practice physician whose expertise spans the public health, direct patient care, and media worlds. She holds a Master of Public Health in Maternal and Child Health from The University of California, Berkeley, and a Journalism degree from California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo. She is also CEO and Founder of Modern Mommy Doc. Dr. Whitney advocates for the success of career-driven caregivers in all facets of their lives, guiding them toward increased focus, happiness, and effectiveness despite the systemic challenges and inherent biases that threaten to undermine them. She speaks nationally about her Centered Life Blueprint, which teaches working caregivers how to pay attention to what matters most amid pressure, at multibillion-dollar corporations like Adidas and Nike, and at executive-level conferences. She is a spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics and medical consultant for large-scale organizations, including Good Housekeeping magazine, Gerber, and L’Oreal (CeraVe). Her work has been featured in Forbes, Thrive Global, and TODAY Parenting. She is a regular contributor to Psychology Today. Dr. Whitney practices medicine in Portland, Oregon, where she and her husband raise their two young daughters. About the Episode: Dr. Whitney shares the principles she's learned as a solopreneur in the health and wellness space, the failures she's faced, and the truths she wishes she would have known from the very beginning. Episode Takeaways: This is not an episode about “how to grow a multimillion dollar business” or how to double your following overnight. I really shy away from talking about business because it’s disheartening to see that most of the people making online are people who are trying to teach you how to make money online. This is an episode that comes from many conversations I’ve had recently with people who are wanting to start a side hustle or even a full blown business, but are curious how to do that with the rest of life that’s going on around them. I’ve recently made a hugely drastic shift in my career and have moved from private practice into a company called Blueberry Pediatrics . It is a shift that still allows me to practice medicine as well as still running Modern Mommy Doc full time. The thinking behind this shift really is born out of these 8 tips I have about running a business while you’re working full time or maybe still taking care of your family. 1) Know your why. We’ve heard it a thousand times, but if we don’t know the driving force behind why we want to do a certain thing, it’s infinitely easier to stop doing it when things get hard. Ask yourself why you’re so committed to this one particular area. In my business, my why is to help, support, and encourage women (specifically working moms) so they don’t feel alone in their journey. So when I’m pulled away from my family for a time period or I’m exhausted from traveling, I remember the greater mission behind what I do. 2) Expect that you’re going to fail. I just pulled the plug on a project we had been working on at Modern Mommy Doc for two years: the Modern Mamas Club app. I thought it was going to be so valuable for moms, when in reality it was just duplicating what we already had. I learned so much through that process and at the beginning, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Failure is a natural part of growth. 3) Prepare to invest in your business. With your time, with your money, with your emotions. People ask me how I grew and I told them it took a lot of time and a lot of my own money. There were times that that was discouraging, but because all of this was tied to my why, I was able to push forward. 4) Figure out what you can outsource and what has to be done by you. At the beginning you might not have any money to outsource with. But set yourself up for success and know what you’ll hand off when you get to that point. Don’t waste time trying to do it all. 5) Network based on what you love & pay for good PR. When you want to grow your business, network with the people that you genuinely connect with, not just because you might get a sale. Figure out who it would be mutually beneficial for you to get to know. And when it comes to PR, you’ve gotta pay to play the game. PR isn’t for instant leads, but is also a long game like networking. You show up, do the interviews, and every once in a while something will pop and you might get a ton more exposure. 6) Prepare for other people to not be on your level and to try to pull you back down to theirs. No one wants the homeostasis to change. That’s why it’s so important to surround yourself (even virtually) who believe in you and/or who are on the same journey with you. It doesn’t have to be in the same industry, but look out for other working moms that you can get to know. 7) Give something back to yourself along the way. If you aren’t making a single dollar and giving it all away to the business, you’re down a quick path to resentment. I understand all the moms who just over-function and grind it out to get things done (I was one!) but you’ve got to get a reward from the thing that you’ve been putting so much into. A small way I do this is by working at a coffee shop a couple times a week. It reminds me that I’m so grateful for my job, that it’s flexible so that I work where I want, and that I’m in control of my life. A big way I do this is through a travel rotation with my kids and husband. Each trip I go on while consulting, I’ll rotate through taking one daughter, then the next, then my husband, then I’ll do a solo trip. These are trips they never would have been able to take on their own, and it’s a cool way my business gets to give back to my family. 8) The way you set up your business is a marker if you will be successful. Not the way you structure it, but the mindset you have around it. In fact, there are so many parallels between the way I run my business and the things I taught in my newest book, Doing It All: trying to build efficiency into how I do my tasks, batching my work, not spending extra time on stuff that doesn’t matter at all, swapping out for what others can do for me, pairing things that aren’t enjoyable with things that are, not letting things contaminate my time, and making sure my desk, home, and calendar are decluttered. More Blogs on this Topic: T he forgotten boundary: setting limits with yourself Thanks for the cookies in the breakroom, I’m still tired Wake up, working mama. Are you wasting your life? More Podcast Episodes on this Topic: T ranslating “mom skills” into “boss skills” How to be an ambitious, out of the box, career maker and an engaged mom How to claim your confidence as a working mom
By Body Love 28 Mar, 2024
It's time to balance teaching our kids to love their bodies with teaching them how to take care of them.
By No More Hot Mess Moms 14 Mar, 2024
Getting your little one to sleep is about sustainability and evidence-based strategy.
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