About the Episode:

Conflict in relationships is inevitable—but sometimes we make it even worse than it needs to be. In this episode, Dr. Whitney Casares explores why couples argue, how to approach disagreements in a healthier way, and what to do when communication breaks down. Drawing from relationship research and her own experiences as a working mom, she breaks down the Four Horsemen of relationship conflict (from Julie Schwartz Gottman & John Gottman), explains the difference between solvable vs. perpetual problems, and shares practical strategies for handling disagreements without resentment or blame. Plus, she highlights why the way we navigate conflict matters—not just for our relationships, but for the example we set for our kids.

Key Takeaways:

Not all conflicts can be “solved”—and that’s okay.

• Some problems have solutions (dividing household chores, setting routines), while others are perpetual (deeply ingrained personality differences, value clashes).

• The goal isn’t to eliminate conflict but to manage it in a way that fosters understanding.

Watch out for the “Four Horsemen” of communication breakdown.

According to relationship experts John and Julie Gottman, these four behaviors can signal trouble in a relationship:

• Criticism – Attacking your partner’s character instead of their actions.

• Defensiveness – Refusing to take responsibility and blaming the other person.

• Contempt – Showing superiority, sarcasm, or eye-rolling.

• Stonewalling – Emotionally shutting down and withdrawing from the conversation.

There are proven ways to counteract these patterns and improve communication.

Tools for Better Conflict Resolution:

• Soft Startups – Begin difficult conversations gently instead of launching into blame.

• Compassionate Assertiveness – Express your needs clearly while showing empathy for your partner’s perspective.

• Repair Attempts – Small gestures (like humor, touch, or an “I love you”) can defuse tension mid-argument.

• Taking Breaks the Right Way – If emotions are too high, step away and set a time to return to the discussion.

Your Kids Are Watching—And Learning.

• Kids who see their parents navigate conflict with respect and resolution grow up better equipped to handle disagreements in their own relationships.

• Healthy conflict isn’t about avoiding arguments—it’s about showing them that disagreements don’t have to mean disconnection.

Action Steps for Listeners:

📖 1. Learn the Gottman Method for Healthier Communication

• The Gottman Institute offers science-backed strategies for improving relationships and resolving conflict effectively.

• Explore their free resources and tools: www.gottman.com

⏸ 2. Practice the 20-Minute Timeout Rule

• When conflict escalates, take a 20-minute break to let emotions settle.

• Use that time to engage in a calming activity (e.g., a short walk, deep breathing, or journaling).

• Try guided mindfulness exercises at: www.headspace.com

💞 3. Use a Relationship Check-In Template

• Set aside 10 minutes weekly to discuss challenges, express gratitude, and align on priorities.

• Download a free relationship check-in guide at: www.therapistaid.com

👀 4. Take a Conflict Communication Quiz

• Understand your conflict style and learn how to improve your approach.

• Take the free conflict resolution quiz at: www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/conflict-resolution

🎧 Listen to the full episode for more strategies above.

#ConflictResolution #MarriageSupport #HealthyCommunication #ModernMommyDoc

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