When my daughter was a baby, every year I would have unrealistic expectations for how my holidays would go, and then be so disappointed in myself when they weren't remotely there. It would trigger me into a spiral of being upset and miserable and to drag everyone down with me. I spent several years in this cycle until I finally told myself that happiness is so much better than a perfect holiday. 

I mean what is a perfect holiday anyway?

Think back to a few of your previous holidays. Was there a time that you said to yourself: “If I had just been able to  ________________, I would've been happier this holiday.” 

What is it? For me, I wanted to:

Brush my daughter’s hair and make it perfect before we left the house. I wanted her to at least wear a cute outfit instead of just throwing regular old clothes on her. 

Make something to share with the entire family. I wanted to contribute and feel valued at Thanksgiving from my family and feel appreciated. 

Be in a great place with my husband and feel happy driving over to the in-law’s house, and when we arrived I wanted them to be able to tell that we were having a happy day so far.

I wanted to do it all, and I wanted everyone to know it, too.

Because that’s what had been modeled for me.  That’s what’s plastered all over Instagram. It’s what we see in magazines and on Pinterest. What a “perfect holiday” or “perfect” life looks like.

Instead my holiday mornings went like this: 

I snoozed my alarm. A few times. I had been up working really late and once I finally forced myself out of bed, it was a wet messy bun, and I was struggling to get my kid a shower before we left. What was she wearing again? Oh. Stained pajamas. Clothes in the back seat and a loud “I want to wear this, Mommy.” 

As we drove to our Thanksgiving destination, I had complained the entire time about how crappy I was feeling, which also made my husband upset, too.

You see, he had also worked all week. Except he set his boundaries in place, was ready to have a great Thanksgiving dinner, and here I was ruining it all. 

I had purchased everything to make a delicious artichoke dip that takes about 10 min of prep. (It’s a throw-it-in-the-oven-when-you-get-there kind of thing.) Well, the artichokes remained diced in their cans, and I arrived at my in-law’s home empty handed.

If you’re reading this and feel like you’ve been totally shame-bombing yourself during your own holiday weekends, let me tell you: You can make room for more holiday magic with your kids, and we’re going to show you how.

First, let’s get a couple things straight:

Because you’re a working mom, maybe cooking a meal for a large group of people would do you in. So you don’t. And that’s ok.

Because you’re a working mom, maybe cleaning the house is the last thing on earth you want to do with your extra time. So you don’t. And that’s ok.

Because you’re a working mom, maybe you feel accomplished if you just get that last thing done for work at home, so you do it. And that’s ok, too.

Because you’re a working mom, and you did that last thing, maybe now you don’t have time to make something for your family before you leave. So you bring it with you and you’re still able to contribute.

Or maybe you don’t bring anything at all, and that’s ok.

Things don’t always go 100% according to plan.

We want to make sure you can get as centered as possible this holiday season, so we’ve put together a list of tips and things to get you through:

My #1 tip? Just don’t procrastinate. Do any large organizational tasks now, and use the My Centered Day Tear Pad to map out your day according to your Centered Vision!

If you’re not hosting:

• Take time for your #Youlife. If you’re self-employed, or can afford to take a couple days off before Thanksgiving, take them off in advance. Look at your calendar and make it known to YOURSELF and others that you’ll be out. 

• Contributing to the Festivities. If cooking or baking is your happy place, of course, go to town. Plan to do this the night before or have a definite plan around when you’ll have time to actually make the thing. Otherwise, a bottle of wine, or cider is always a nice gesture. Store bought items are also great. Just be sure to put them on your list of to-do’s before the actual day otherwise it could end up on the chopping block.

• Set the mood with a craft or activity. I love getting back to nature and wreath making is one of my favorite things to do, that the kids can join in on, too! Here are a few other ideas:
• Make Your Own Tea Blend
• Wreath Making Kit and Dried Florals
• DIY Macrame

• Showers for you and the kids the night before. This way you can enjoy your morning and pop on some makeup if you please. Pick out your kids’ clothes on the Tuesday night before and have them ready to go for Thursday morning. (including socks!)

• Wake up early and spend Thursday morning doing something by yourself. Whether that is reading a new book, drinking coffee in the crisp fall air, working out, doing yoga, or simply watching your favorite show before anyone wakes up! 

If you’re hosting (here’s where it gets good):

• Rent your dishes. This is the most genius idea that not enough people take advantage of. Did you know when you rent dishes from a rental company you don’t have to wash them? You can simply scrape and put them back into the bins that they came in. They are also surprisingly cheap! Depending on your local rental company, you can get dishes, flatware, and dishes from .10c-$1.50/pc. for standard dishes. Or you can rent the most amazing tablescape here.

• Order your pre-cooked turkey now. There are so many places to get a pre-cooked turkey without the stress or worry that it won’t turn out great. There are also local delis around the world that do “The Half-done Turkey” where you can purchase an almost-done turkey from a small business. You’re supporting your local deli and also sort-of cooking thanksgiving dinner, too. 

• Make it a potluck for the side items. Regardless of you cooking your turkey or not, you can totally request that everyone bring a side-dish. Send out a group text as early as possible and ask everyone to bring a side and coordinate amongst themselves who will be bringing what. A quick google sheet is always a great way to stay organized. Feel free to make a copy of this one here and share.

• Cleaning the house. Take one whole day for cleaning and/or delegate to your partner to split up the load. Be sure to get your kids in on the cleaning action. (We have info all about when you kid should be helping with what in our Video Library within the Modern Mamas Club.) Another idea is to hire a small cleaning crew to come in just for this special occasion. You don’t have to be wealthy to put your emotional and physical well-being first. You deserve to be happy and healthy, and have a wonderful holiday. If delegating your cleaning and sacrificing a few extra bucks means that you’ll be happier, is it worth it? I think so.

If you take some of this advice, I promise you’ll have so much more time with your kids to make magical moments, magical memories, and less time stressing, feeling shame, and freaking out—or maybe eliminate it altogether. 

I talked a lot about these concepts and cycles on the podcast this month. You can listen to the episode here.

Take time this Thanksgiving for your family and yourself, Mama. Work will be there when you get back. Holidays are for your #YOULife.