This one is going to be a tough one for some to hear, but it’s so, so important: Joy isn’t just for the privileged. In fact, it’s not a privilege at all.
Joy is a choice.
I know some of you reading this want to push back. And I want to leave you space for that. But let me explain.
When we view joy and living our life with intention as something that’s only a privilege to the upper class, we’re giving away our power. The power to choose our own feelings and outlook. The power to change our life.
We’re saying, “I can only have a good life if_____.” And more often than not, that blank is filled in with something outside of our control. It’s others-centered.
I’ll finally be happy when I…
...get a high-paying job.
...get married.
...have a more supportive partner.
In fact, joy in life has so much less to do with others and so much more to do with empowering yourself to CHOOSE it!
Choosing joy isn’t an if/then. It’s a both/and.
I can go through REALLY tough circumstances and still choose joy.
I can fight every day in the trenches, wondering if I’m making any progress, and still choose joy.
I can have less resources available to me than many others and still choose joy.
I can’t begin to imagine the struggles that you go through on a daily basis. And the same is true for you and my life. But it’s not about who wins the Struggle Olympics, because everyone’s story has value.
When you choose joy
despite
your circumstances, you’re choosing to be your best and biggest advocate. It doesn't matter your level of inequity, the injustices against you, your race, or your socioeconomic background. Choosing joy is fundamental to making change in our lives,
even while we work to address all of the other social and gender inequality and racial injustice issues that we all want so desperately to change.
I want you to know that I’m fully aware that when it comes to living a Centered Life, parents with unlimited or larger sources of expendable funds and time can, of course, more easily throw money at the stress of everything outside the circle. They have resources to buy apps and invest in high-end performance coaches to help them deal with the non-negotiables. They can also more easily outsource to house cleaners and nannies for the swappables. Which, from the outside, can feel like it’s
easier for them to choose joy.
However, EVERY parent can tackle those areas outside their circle in small, approachable ways and
still have that choice for joy.
That could look like:
- Making a time and a place within the week or day for repetitive home chores like laundry, dishes, or work emails
- Learning how to work with your parenting partner to build more equity
- Building a parenting village
- Setting an expectation with children in age-appropriate ways that they contribute to household chores
- Streamlining your home environments by eliminating clutter
- Developing awareness of gender-biased requests on your time for committee involvement by your employers
- Being thoughtful about setting boundaries with extended family and friends.
They might look different to everyone, but the choice to choose joy remains.
Likewise, a self-care routine is not just for the rich and famous, and doesn’t have to cost a dime (the same could be argued for choosing joy!) Self-care could look like accessing social work, counseling, or care management services through a county program or a health care system for one mom and could look like reclining the seat in the car and being quiet for 5 minutes before re-entering the home after a long, stressful work day for another.
It could be as simple as making a commitment to turning off the television and heading to bed so you’re more rested and ready for stressors the following day. It could mean addressing depression, anxiety, or substance abuse with the help of community resources. It could mean practicing positive coping skills in moments of extreme chaos with mindful self-compassion.
Living your life on purpose isn’t available just to the rich because we all HAVE purpose. We can all choose intention because we were all MADE with intention. Seeing joy as a privilege means that it can be taken away. And no person, institution, or system can take away your choice for joy.
I know first-hand that working mom life is hard, but I also know it doesn’t have to be impossible.
Trust me. The best way to get unstuck isn’t to work harder. It’s to use a framework that gets real results, no matter what area you need to tackle first.