We live in a milestone-oriented society that celebrates each step on the ladder that is life. This is a great thing, but it can also teach us, and our children, to focus too much on the “next step,” and can unfortunately take attention away from the equally, if not more, important aspects of life that include the simple, mundane and everyday occurrences.
While celebrating wins is wonderful, it’s certainly not everything. There is so much more to life than winning, succeeding, graduating, moving on and overachieving. And we know this well as parents who’ve lived a handful of decades and felt the weight of some of life’s less successful and less celebratory moments.
Life has taught us, more than it has our children, to stop and smell the roses, so to speak. We know how to savor sipping a cup of coffee in the early morning hours before our partner or kids are awake, or how to appreciate the solace that is taking a quiet bubble bath with a glass of wine in hand. Yes, these are simple life moments, but they are also worth celebrating.
For us parents, it begs the question: How can we rewrite the script for our kids and reposition our society’s overarching impression that life is all about the next step, the next level, the next big moment, the next “success?” How can we all start approaching life in a way that allows us to appreciate the journey, not just the end result?
Here, Dr. Whitney shares her best secrets for how to redefine what it means to live life’s journey.
1. Train your kids’ creativity muscles by giving them opportunities to be bored.
Our society tells us that if we sit idly for too long, it’s automatically a bad thing; that we should be up and at ‘em 24/7 working hard to crush the goals set out for us. But, as we know from the past year, doing a whole lot of nothing can actually be quite rejuvenating. So even though life’s resuming and activities are back up and running, maybe we should still practice saying “no” to certain playdates or get-togethers, or even say no to screens for a full day so our kids have the chance to find other, more creative ways to play (or just so they have the chance to just be still within themselves).
2. Avoid pre-planning the weekends.
This one goes right off the first tip, but it’s important to set it aside separately. The pandemic taught us the beauty of not jam-packing our schedules too tight (or hardly at all). So why not let at least one Saturday a month unfold without a pre-designated agenda? Consider holding a family meeting over pancakes about your plans and needs for the day instead of arranging activities for your kids and yourself ahead of time. It’s amazing how free you feel when you have no obligations and can choose the way you want to relax in the moment.
3. Practice attuned special time with your kids.
Barbie Dreamhouse creative play does not make me feel particularly alive, but my daughter LOVES it. When I stay fully present with her for 20-minutes of special time doing what she wants to do (without corrections or constructive feedback from me), she feels seen and loved — and she has the space she needs to open up to me about worries she has or exciting news she wants to share.
4. Ritualize parallel play.
A scooter ride side by side to the grocery store, watching a movie together on the couch on a Tuesday night, riding in the car to school — these aren’t mind-blowing events, but they are ways we let our kids know we’re there in the really good, over-the-top exciting moments, in the really bad, heart-wrenching times, and in the not-so-special, in-between stretches, too. That’s when they, off the cuff, share about a bully at school. That’s when they ask us why we chose to marry our partner. Never underestimate the mundane times. Our kids need us for those, too.
Bottom line: Let’s
all focus on living more every moment, not just the “important” ones! That way, we save life’s journey, not just a handful of occasions.
Written by Jenn Sinrich
Jenn Sinrich is a freelance editor, writer and content strategist located in Boston, Massachusetts. She received her BA in journalism from Northeastern University and has a decade worth of experience working for a myriad of female-focused publications including SELF, Parents, Women's Health, BRIDES, Martha Stewart Weddings and more. When she's not putting pen to paper (or, really, fingers to keyboard), she's enjoying the most precious moments in life with her husband and daughter.
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