Last week we walked through step 1 of dealing with barriers to self-care: simplifying and enjoying. This time, we'll talk about another important component:
planning ahead for potential barrierS
What are the things you already know will make it so your plan for self-care won’t work? How are you going to deal with them? Instead of pretending like everything will always work out, make back-up plans whenever possible. Make sure that, for the days something really important is on your calendar–a special date night with your partner, an inspirational conference you’ve been wanting to attend–you have your most reliable caregiver set up.
My mom, bless her heart, has not always been the timeliest. In my early parenting days, if I had an appointment that required me to be somewhere at an exact time, I either told her to come fifteen minutes earlier than I needed her to be there or I picked someone else to watch my kids. She’s much better now but, for a while, it took planning to make sure my plans were executed well. My husband, bless him, too, gets irritated when I leave early on a Saturday morning to go to a class or to meet up with a friend. In the beginning of our parenting journey, that made me resentful but now I see it as a reflection of his desire for early weekend family coziness after a hectic week.
Now, I plan to attend classes or connect with girlfriends later in the afternoon after we’ve had our family morning time to be together. I also pick opportunities to stack self-care onto times I’m already out and about (for work or for meetings) instead of leaving, then coming back, then leaving again. It’s less disruptive to my kids to have larger chunks of time apart than it is to have the constant emotional tug of war associated with me leaving, then re-connecting, then leaving again.
Your kids might not be as sensitive as my little ones are. You may have very punctual parents. Your partner may not get as hung up on weekend morning traditions as mine, but I bet you have other factors that threaten to ruin all your plans and I betyour kids and partner have needs you have to accommodate when it comes to self-care. Listen to those needs but don’t let them stop you from taking care of yourself. Instead, analyze the real, underlying issue (i.e. I feel like a bad mom when I take time for myself) and address it head-on.
Stay tuned for next week, when we'll discuss Step 3: Learning How to Filter
I know first-hand that working mom life is hard, but I also know it doesn’t have to be impossible.
Trust me. The best way to get unstuck isn’t to work harder. It’s to use a framework that gets real results, no matter what area you need to tackle first.