The Key to Newborn Parent Sanity? Getting Help In Ways That Are Actually Helpful

People always tell you when you have a new baby to get a lot of help. Take breaks, take turns with your partner, let others cook and clean for you, they say. Great advice, except that it often means, in the end, a house full of well-meaning people giving unsolicited advice and observations for about three weeks while you hold a screaming baby and tried to not completely lose it. I see the same with many of the new moms that come to me in my pediatrics clinic.

A potentially better plan?

Let family and friends come in smaller spurts. Order take out instead of having people cook every meal for you or, sometimes, have them just drop it off and then go home. Take some alone time so you can get the information you need and are really looking for (if you're looking for expert information on how to do this whole newborn thing, check out our online course, and The Newborn Baby Blueprint here).

Meaningful help might come from sources that seem less traditional, like a doula or a caregiver. We relied pretty heavily on our nanny when we had our second baby. She was someone I knew would be respectful of our family process, would provide continuity for our eldest and would not stress out easily. It’s not that your loved ones are not important, it’s that sometimes there is an extra layer of complexity to their constant involvement early on. Now that I've had two kids and commiserate on the daily with other seasoned mamas and new moms, I've realized that this is a pretty universal sentiment.

You’re an extrovert? It makes you depressed to not have a posse around you at all times?

Great. Let ’em help. But, if not, let the newborn period be your first lesson in exercising parenting boundaries: doing what will work the best for you and your family, even if it doesn’t please every single person you know.