It’s hard to believe that we’re passed the one-year mark since the onset of the pandemic that catapulted us into an entirely new way of life and challenged nearly everything we once considered as “normal.” We moms, dads and caregivers felt the ramifications and the weight of all of these changes perhaps more than anyone else, as we struggled to coordinate childcare, hold steady to our jobs and grapple with this new, anxiety-inducing way of life.
The result? Too much togetherness, a whole lot more bickering, an acute lack of personal space and the inability to do normal, everyday activities that made up our “me” time: going to the gym, meeting a friend for coffee, visiting the hair salon, getting a well-deserved massage…
If you made it through with some of your sanity intact, give yourself a pat on the back (and maybe buy yourself an iced coffee). And if you’ve made it out with a marriage intact, you deserve bonus points. I will admit that there were times I couldn’t bare sitting on the couch next to my husband for the umpteenth Saturday in a row watching yet another Netflix series I cared little for (an opportunity I would have killed for pre-pandemic).
I also can’t even keep count of the number of times nearly everything he would say and do (especially when it came to caring for our daughter) left me fuming at the mouth. As Dr. Whitney puts it so delicately: “The pandemic has been hard on us individually and as we’ve managed our kids’ needs, but it has also taken its toll on our relationship with our par.”
Easing Tensions As We Come Out of the Pandemic
If you’re having a hard time seeing the so-called light at the end of the tunnel, we get it. We’re all still dealing with the daily routine this pandemic has created for us—one that’s full of eye rolls, shoulder shrugs, “I don’t knows” and countless “I owe yous.” Hang in there, and while you’re at it, here are some of Dr. Whitney’s best tips for shifting the tensions in your home (and marriage) and creating a more positive partnership.
Turn Off Netflix Every Once in Awhile
Sure, it’s tempting to leave that TV on day and night, especially when you’re short on childcare and patience. But especially once the kids are in bed, avoid lounging on the couch with your significant other in a trance. Even though traditional date nights may be cancelled, that doesn’t mean that intimacy and communication between the two of you has to—or should—be. “Even if you can’t get out of the house with your partner to stare into each other's eyes for a few hours over a plate of over-priced pasta, you still need time to really connect and talk about how you’re feeling, what’s happening in your daily lives, and what you need from each other,” Dr. Whitney says.
Remember the Romance
When you can’t even remember what you did last weekend, or the three weekends before that, because they’re all melding together into one big, boring vacation to nowhere, it’s easy to let your relationship feel equally routine. But don’t reduce your relationship to a series of business meetings and shared chore lists, notes Dr. Whitney. “Romance doesn’t just happen on its own for most couples, especially those with kids under the age of five,” she says. Her suggestion: Put a little physical “togetherness” on your calendar so you can pivot to some type of activity that provides laughter, connectivity, and shared
enjoyment.
Give Each Other Space
“If the walls in my house could talk, they would say they’re sick of seeing me,” says Dr. Whitney. “Seriously, give yourself and your partner the gift of space and freedom to read a book outside, take a walk, or go for a drive without you or the rest of your family around.” Consider picking up the tip from Jancee Dunn’s book How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids:
Trade items of value (check out our
Instagram post
on this as well).
Check Out Our Parenting in Partnership Program
Relationships are challenging outside of a pandemic, so give yourself a break if you’re feeling the tensions rising extra high right now. You can also check out our on demand Parenting in Partnership Program, where you're sure to leave with a rekindled sense of joy for each other and for parenting.
"Take a giant step back when your partner doesn’t parent or partner the way you do. We all have strengths and weaknesses. If it’s not major, mama, let it go."
—Dr. Whitney
Written by:
Jenn Sinrich
I know first-hand that working mom life is hard, but I also know it doesn’t have to be impossible.
Trust me. The best way to get unstuck isn’t to work harder. It’s to use a framework that gets real results, no matter what area you need to tackle first.