We're on week three of six diving into the core areas successful moms are intentional about: Their Own Dreams, Spending Time on Things That Matter, Making Space for Themselves, Investing in Their Mental and Physical Health, Parenting in Partnership, and The Way They Parent Their Kids.
This week, we're focusing on the third core area: intentionally making space for ourselves.
Successful moms make space for their own needs. On the surface, that makes them seemingly selfish but they don’t do it out of selfishness. They do it out of necessity.
They know that if they don’t take care of themselves well, they cannot take care of anything or anyone else well. That means they take time to reconnect to the deepest parts of themselves.
How does that play out in real life?
They Throw Off Mommy Guilt
When I interviewed Lauren Smith Brody, author of The Fifth Trimester: The Working Mom's Guide to Style, Sanity, and Success After Baby, for our upcoming podcast, she had a lot to say about mommy guilt. By using the word "guilt" all the time when we talk about how we feel bad we're away from our kids, or that we don't have enough time to make homemade cookies for the school bake sale, we imply wrongdoing, she told me. In reality, there's nothing wrong with pursuing a career for a woman or a man or with delegating baking to the experts at the local pastry shop. We've got to stop talking about mommy guilt and instead talk with less shame about the things we want to invest our time in or don't.
They Have Deep Connections with Other People Who Support Them
This includes friends, family, and, sometimes, professionals.
The moms I know who are living their most authentic lives know their limits. They are keenly aware that they need other people – that our lives were not meant to lived as lone cowboys (or cowgirls, as the case may be). They have learned over time to let other people in their village carry the load when it comes to childcare and mental household checklists, but they also get that they'll wither on the vine if they carry all of the emotional responsibility in their families.
They Give Themselves and Their Families a Lot of Grace
They know that being a mom is messy (literally and figuratively) and that no one does it perfectly.
If you still think other moms have got it all together, you're just straight wrong, Mama. We're all human and motherhood is hard. Sometimes it's fun and easy, but a lot of times (especially in the early years) it's hard.
They Give Themselves the Time They Need
I loved interviewing Carla Naumburg, author of How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids, because she's so direct as she talks about this topic. “…if you’re really honestly, absolutely convinced that you can’t move your body more or take a break from your phone for an hour every night, then you may have a lifestyle that is incompatible with not losing your sh*t with your kids,” she says.
Yes! This, this, this.
Next week, we're going to dig deeper on this last point, because it matters so much.
Can't wait to see you then. Missed last week's post on spending time on things that matter? You can read it here.
