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February 6, 2020
Here’s the thing, mama. You just can’t do it alone. Not even if you think you can.
I’m kind of a Lone Ranger by nature…or at least I would be if I could get away with it. Half the time I feel like it’s easier if I just do everything myself and don’t have to rely on anyone else. The thing is, though, doing it all alone and never reaching out for help means two things: 1. all of the pressure is on us for our work projects, home improvement endeavors, finances, kids’ emotional well being,… fill in the blank… to go well and 2. we over-function, leaving us exhausted and resentful. Trust me, I’ve learned the hard way, it’s better to have a team...and to actually rely on that team.
If you haven’t read Jancee Dunn’s How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids and you have a male partner, you need to, Sister. Her book talks all about how to build a team mentality with your partner based on equity and mutual respect. Notice I did not say equality. Equality is overrated when it comes to partner relationships. I said equity because, in the end, that’s what most of us really want and that’s more realistic. Sometimes in my relationship with my husband, I’m doing ninety percent of the work and carrying ninety percent of the responsibility. That’s perfectly okay as long as, on a regular basis, the scales are fully tipped in his direction.
Successful moms understand they aren’t the only person in their homes or communities who can care for their children well. Hello, grandparents, daycares, nannies, friends, partners!
Easier said than done, right? When we’re used to being the only one in charge, it can be exquisitely painful to do away with our role as the parenting information and expertise gatekeeper. It can also be crazy hard to get out of a martyr mindset, proud of the fact we’re the ones who do the most and carry the heaviest loads.
It’s so worth it, though, Mama. Having a support system is absolutely critical for our own health and for the ultimate health of our kids.
Next week, we’ll be getting into the sixth and final area of focus for highly-successful moms: being extremely intentional about the way we parent. Until then, you can get more information, inspiration, and practical tools to win at parenting without losing yourself on The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast.
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