Picture with me this very common dinner time family scene: Chicken, cheesy potatoes, and steamed broccoli on everyone’s plates. Adults happily eating. One child trying everything on her plate because she’s a first born and “a pleasure to have in class.”
The other child has finished all of their chicken and potatoes and refuses to eat even a bite of their vegetables.
If you’ve been there before, you’ve probably seen the pattern that comes next: sweetly asking your little one to eat their dinner turns to “just 3 bites.” Which eventually leads to, “If you just lick the freaking broccoli, I’ll give you this 3 scoop sundae.”
Now, what’s the goal here? To get the kiddo to eat their broccoli because it’s good for them and you love them so much that you want them to love eating vegetables so they can grow up healthy and strong.
What’s the problem getting in the way? That, to your kid, steamed broccoli tastes like mushy poop. Even though they’ve never tried it.
So, they lick the broccoli. You give them ice cream. Problem solved.
Except that the next time you serve it or another veggie, you’re gonna be pulling out that ice cream carton earlier and earlier.
Nothing was actually solved, except that your kiddo got to eat ice cream for dinner.
Wellness programs have a real problem.
That’s kinda how I feel about corporate wellness programs or the incentives they give their employees in an effort to show them they are cared for and supported.
90% of employers offer some sort of assistance program to their employees. This could range from mental health assistance to health incentives (like a stipend towards a gym membership) or even bringing in speakers to talk about financial planning or work life balance.
Even if it’s not a formal program, it could be in the form of hiring a massage therapist to come to the office for the day to give out free massages. Or bringing in catered lunches once a week to help offset individual costs.
All of those things are awesome.
However.
If once the ice cream is gone, broccoli is brought back to the table, somebody’s gonna end up crying.
I can speak from my experience as a pediatrician and from my conversations with fellow physician moms.
The research is clear about just how thin we've spread working moms.
Just look at the stats about burnout in my specific profession:
- According to a 2019 JAMA study, 55 percent of female providers who were responsible for five or more day-to-day household and parenting tasks considered changing careers. This study also noted female providers were still responsible for the day-to-day household duties within their home, compared to their male colleagues who relied on those female partners to handle things.
- A 2022 study lists the specific risk factors contributing to female physician burnout, including time constraints, increased household responsibilities compared to their male colleagues, and health necessities around childbearing, increased maternal age, and mental health.
- A 2023 study reported that in 2021, 56% of female providers reported they were burned out, compared to 41% in male physicians due to a lack of resources, less control over their schedules, more time spent with patients than male colleagues, imposter syndrome, gender bias, lower compensation, bias against mother physicians, and challenges in work-life integration.
- In a 2017 AMA study, 90 percent of mother physicians felt discriminated against during pregnancy and through postpartum. Pumping time and space is a consistent stressor.
And mine isn't the only profession full of people who need more, real support from their workplaces.
Here's what would really help working moms like me:
- Paid parental leave for moms AND dads.
- Childcare stipends or, even better, on-site childcare for those who work in brick and mortar settings.
- Flexible work schedules and work environments
- Representation at the highest levels of leadership
- Wellness events centered around meeting all the needs the corporation faceshe conflicting needs of the bottom line, people-first culture, and customer.
- Education opportunities for caregivers of all kinds about boundary setting, true self-care, efficiency, and delegation.
The “perks” corporations have used for years and years aren’t doing anything to combat overwhelm and burn out. The workforce is different than it was in 1950, and that means the ways the workplace supports it have to be, too.
Getting a 15 minute massage doesn’t help a mom pick up her daughter from daycare at 4:30, when every department chair meeting is at 5:00 each week. A day out at a spring training game or a staff-wide mini golf tournament doesn’t change the fact that women are being overlooked for positions because they have family obligations.
There’s a lot that employers can and do implement to help support their employees that actually do help. But in the end, the system is broken.
Recently, I left my private practice at a brick and mortar physician office and this general idea contributed a lot to it. I love being a doctor. I love being a mom. And I actually really liked where I worked.
But telling us there’s donuts in the breakroom on Fridays doesn’t help me when my daughter who has autism is having a meltdown, so I’m running 30 minutes late to work. And it certainly doesn’t leave me feeling refreshed and energized to see my patients in the capacity they deserve.
The world deserves women in the workplace that are passionate about what they do, are prepared for what’s on their plate, and who are genuinely supported by their organizations.
Those things actually make the broccoli taste better.
P.S. If you want to find out more about what I'm up to now, you can catch me helping parents virtually at
Blueberry Pediatrics. Don’t worry, the “Doc” part of Modern Mommy Doc is definitely here to stay!
