With Christmas right around the corner, this is usually the time of year when the wheels come off for me. And most of the time it has nothing to do with the fact that I couldn’t find the perfect presents or that my centerpieces look wonky. It’s usually about something else entirely.
But apparently it’s not
just
at Christmas time that I get called the C-Word: controlling.
Shudder.
I hate that word.
A couple of years ago, my daughter wanted to be a fairy for Halloween. She said she needed wings and a magic wand. What I heard was, “I need you to buy me the best fairy costume out there or you will be a failure as a mother.” She had chosen something simple from Target, but I was on a hunt for the latest and greatest.
Once that night came, I primed and pruned and she was the FANCIEST looking fairy I’d ever seen. Until she was over it. She wanted nothing to do with any of my nonsense and went Trick or Treating in sweatpants.
I was trying to figure out what happened to predicate the meltdown. I helped her find the best costume. I fixed it when she didn’t put it on right. I even made her hair look even better than the way she did.
Weeeelll shoot.
Has anyone ever accused you of being too controlling? 🙋🏻♀️ While trying to take over a Halloween project isn’t THAT big of a deal (or at least that’s what I tell myself), if I’m honest, it probably had nothing to do with that costume at all.
I was feeling a lack of confidence and control in other parts of my life (namely at work) so I was grasping for straws in any other area I could.
We can’t control everything. Actually, we can’t control most things. But as working moms, I think it’s most often about trying to control the
wrong things.
For example, if you know the direction you want to take a project but you get pushback against it, it can soooo tempting to give in because you don’t want to appear “bitchy” (sidenote: no man has ever been afraid of appearing too “leader-y” because of a decision he’s made or an option he’s expressed.) So you release control over what you really need to push for--but then you end up micromanaging your daughter’s Halloween costume.
You begin to look for control in all the little things that don’t matter instead of focusing on what does.
It’s the same remedy as when you feel like your days are chaotic and conflicted. You feel pulled in every direction, all at the same time. Trying to do it all, but doing nothing well.
And it’s not like the holidays are doing us any favors. The pressure to send homemade personalized (vegan/gluten free) sugar cookies to your kids’ classes but also finishing out all the year-end projects at work..
The answer? A Centered Life.
In order to live that out, you first have to have a Centered Vision. You must have a clear idea of what life would look like for you if you were living according to what mattered most to you. Your centered vision is all the things that give your life purpose and that make you feel centered.
When you have this laid out, you’re able to get a bird’s eye view of how you want your life to really play out. And you can see how those things that seemed like a really big deal aren’t anywhere inside your ideal life. You don’t have space for it.
Which means you can push them aside, delegate them, or just let them roll away. BUT it also helps you clarify what IS really important to you. Like the working mama who is on snack duty for this week’s soccer game is going to be totally okay with buying suckers on the way to the game instead of spending all morning baking. When you know what’s really important, decisions are a HECK of a lot easier to make.
If you want to dive even deeper into the idea of living according to your Centered Vision, head over to
The Modern Mamas Club. It’s such an amazing space for women to encourage, empower, and really push each other as working moms. Join us at an event and you’ll get your first month free!
