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RELATIONSHIPS + MARRIAGE

THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET UNCOMFORTABLE: HOW TO SPEAK TO YOUR PARTNER SO THEY ACTUALLY LISTEN

 Modern Mommy Doc


PUBLICATION DATE:

August 2, 2021

THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET UNCOMFORTABLE: HOW TO SPEAK TO YOUR PARTNER SO THEY ACTUALLY LISTEN

 Modern Mommy Doc

CATEGORY: RELATIONSHIPS + MARRIAGE

Laundry, cooking, cleaning, meal-planning. All of the 400 tiny daily decisions about the kids (and that’s on a slow day.) In most cases, we’re doing a majority of it. Women are still carrying the brunt of the mental load and housework that it takes to keep a household running, even in families where both parents work outside the home. Fair? Probably not. But it’s the reality that we’re living in.


Now, while I’m never here to husband or man-shame (or partner-shame), it’s really easy to feel resentful or angry when we feel like our own needs aren’t being met AND we’re carrying more than our share of the weight on our shoulders. I know I can go from a perfectly happy wife to a rage monster in about 2 seconds when I have to bring all the groceries in from the car (from the shopping trip I just planned), clear off the counters before I can even put the groceries away, and then start dinner. 


All by myself. 



Feeling taken for granted (or assuming that’s what’s happening!) can instantly make me feel absolutely furious. And dismissed. And hurt.


Everyone needs a way to communicate with their partners so that they can actually hear you and BOTH of you can walk away feeling validated, loved, and understood. This means talking in a way that lets you both lower your guards down. 


Enter Compassionate Assertiveness. 


The goal here is to reduce defensiveness and come from a place of

curiosity while maintaining self-respect and boundaries.


How to communicate with Compassionate Assertiveness:


Be direct and firm, but loving. Give A LOT of kindness and compassion. The more you can assume the best about your partner and their intentions, the better. Bring curiosity to your conversations whenever possible.


Open the door to honest emotional conversations with phrases like, “The story I’m telling myself when you say X (or when you do Y) is ________. Is that true?”


Avoid critical and shaming language
. For every one negative encounter you have with your partner, it takes five positive interactions to get you back to a stable place. While we’re at it, avoid sweeping generalities in your conversations like “always” or “never.” They aren’t productive and end up causing more damage.


Make requests instead of demands. This builds trust and when both of you trust that you have each other's backs, you reduce the tension in your interactions. We’d all rather be on a team with someone instead of feeling like you have another boss telling you what you have to do.




More resources to check out before your next tough conversation:


  • Fair Play by Eve Rodsky: a time- and anxiety-saving system that offers couples a completely new way to divvy up domestic responsibilities Check out our podcast episode, How to Achieve a Happy Division of Household Labor, with her on August 5th as well!




You've got this, Mama!


Raising Body-Confident Kids Starts at the Doctor's Office!

START NOW
By Dr. Whitney December 17, 2025
About the Episode: In this episode, Dr. Whitney sits down with Dr. Jay Gargus and Dave Justus from NeuroQure to discuss the power of early clarity when it comes to autism detection and why earlier intervention can fundamentally change outcomes for childre n and families. Dr. Gargus explains the science behind early behavioral therapies and why their impact goes far beyond short-term skill-building. Research shows that early, evidence-based interventions can lead to measurable, lifelong improvements in IQ, so cial skills, independence, and educational placement, often determining whether a child can thrive in mainstream education or requires ongoing specialized support. The conversation also tackles a critical and often overlooked issue: access. Dave Justus shares the personal motivation behind NeuroQure’s work and explains why the test is being launched at cost, with installment plans and employer subsidies, while the team works toward insurance coverage. The goal is to prevent families from losing precious years waiting for answers. Together, they emphasize a hopeful message for parents: families don’t need to wait for a future “silver bullet.” We already have therapies that work and getting kids connected to them earlier can change the course of a lifetime. In this episode, we discuss: Why early autism detection leads to lifelong changes—not just short-term gains What a 17-point IQ difference actually means for education, independence, and quality of life How early intervention can shift developmental trajectories as early as 6 months The science and validation behind current autism therapies Why NeuroQure is pricing testing at cost while pursuing insurance coverage How early clarity can reduce long-term strain on families, schools, and healthcare systems This episode is a powerful reminder that timing matters and that early access to answers can make an extraordinary difference for children and the families who love them. About Our Guest: Dr. Jay Gargus, MD, PhD is a physician-scientist and nationally recognized expert in neurodevelopmental disorders, with decades of experience researching the biological underpinnings of autism. His work has focused on translating well-established science into meaningful, real-world interventions that can improve lifelong outcomes for children. Dr. Gargus emphasizes that early, evidence-based therapies are already available—and that connecting families to them sooner can fundamentally change developmental trajectories. Dave Justus is a parent and the founder of NeuroQure, whose work is driven by personal experience navigating delayed autism diagnosis and intervention. Motivated by the belief that early clarity can spare families years of uncertainty, Dave is focused on expanding access to early testing through cost-based pricing and ongoing efforts to secure insurance coverage. His mission is simple but powerful: ensure families don’t have to wait for answers that could change everything. Want to Start Raising Body-Confident Kids Today? 📘 Order the Book Order your copy of My One-of-a-Kind Body 👉 www.raisingbodyconfidentkids.com/books 🎁 Claim Your Free Bonus When you order on our site, you’ll also get access to a FREE video mini-course with five bite-sized lessons for parents. In just 25 minutes, you’ll walk away with: Simple, script-style ways to respond when your kid says, “I hate my thighs” How to talk about health without weight talk What to do when your own inner critic shows up How to interrupt diet culture at home The first step to raising a body-confident kid, even if you didn’t grow up as one 📩 Subscribe to The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast for more episodes on parenting with confidence and clarity. Leave a review using the hashtag #ModernMommyDoc.
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ON THE PODCAST


By Dr. Whitney December 17, 2025
About the Episode: In this episode, Dr. Whitney sits down with Dr. Jay Gargus and Dave Justus from NeuroQure to discuss the power of early clarity when it comes to autism detection and why earlier intervention can fundamentally change outcomes for childre n and families. Dr. Gargus explains the science behind early behavioral therapies and why their impact goes far beyond short-term skill-building. Research shows that early, evidence-based interventions can lead to measurable, lifelong improvements in IQ, so cial skills, independence, and educational placement, often determining whether a child can thrive in mainstream education or requires ongoing specialized support. The conversation also tackles a critical and often overlooked issue: access. Dave Justus shares the personal motivation behind NeuroQure’s work and explains why the test is being launched at cost, with installment plans and employer subsidies, while the team works toward insurance coverage. The goal is to prevent families from losing precious years waiting for answers. Together, they emphasize a hopeful message for parents: families don’t need to wait for a future “silver bullet.” We already have therapies that work and getting kids connected to them earlier can change the course of a lifetime. In this episode, we discuss: Why early autism detection leads to lifelong changes—not just short-term gains What a 17-point IQ difference actually means for education, independence, and quality of life How early intervention can shift developmental trajectories as early as 6 months The science and validation behind current autism therapies Why NeuroQure is pricing testing at cost while pursuing insurance coverage How early clarity can reduce long-term strain on families, schools, and healthcare systems This episode is a powerful reminder that timing matters and that early access to answers can make an extraordinary difference for children and the families who love them. About Our Guest: Dr. Jay Gargus, MD, PhD is a physician-scientist and nationally recognized expert in neurodevelopmental disorders, with decades of experience researching the biological underpinnings of autism. His work has focused on translating well-established science into meaningful, real-world interventions that can improve lifelong outcomes for children. Dr. Gargus emphasizes that early, evidence-based therapies are already available—and that connecting families to them sooner can fundamentally change developmental trajectories. Dave Justus is a parent and the founder of NeuroQure, whose work is driven by personal experience navigating delayed autism diagnosis and intervention. Motivated by the belief that early clarity can spare families years of uncertainty, Dave is focused on expanding access to early testing through cost-based pricing and ongoing efforts to secure insurance coverage. His mission is simple but powerful: ensure families don’t have to wait for answers that could change everything. Want to Start Raising Body-Confident Kids Today? 📘 Order the Book Order your copy of My One-of-a-Kind Body 👉 www.raisingbodyconfidentkids.com/books 🎁 Claim Your Free Bonus When you order on our site, you’ll also get access to a FREE video mini-course with five bite-sized lessons for parents. In just 25 minutes, you’ll walk away with: Simple, script-style ways to respond when your kid says, “I hate my thighs” How to talk about health without weight talk What to do when your own inner critic shows up How to interrupt diet culture at home The first step to raising a body-confident kid, even if you didn’t grow up as one 📩 Subscribe to The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast for more episodes on parenting with confidence and clarity. Leave a review using the hashtag #ModernMommyDoc.
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