Okay, we all have our thing. That thing we do that we know is weird, but we justs can’t help ourselves.
My thing is lists. I love them so much. I love making them. I love crossing things off of them. I love creating lists for other people, too (I’m a giver. What can I say?)
But one day, while staring at my color coded system of beauty, I caught myself thinking, “Man, there’s a lot of things on that list. I must be a great mom, because look at all that stuff I’m doing!” It became this symbol of pride for me. It was like my worth written down on paper.
Not so much the busyness of it all, but just the sheer number of tasks on there.
Was I exhausted after getting my list done? Yes. Was I probably grouchier after having accomplished them all? Absolutely. Were there things added to the list after I was done…which meant I was never really done? 100%.
But if I was so drained, why did I feel so good about myself?
I think it’s what a lot of moms feel sometimes. We get stuck in this false belief that the more we do, the more we’re worth.
The more our family can look to us and think, “WOW! My mom is the best!” must mean that we really WERE a good more. It’s like we’re trying to convince ourselves that we’re actually equipped to do what we’ve been called to do and that we’re doing a good job at it.
So I guess the question remains: what’s it going to be? Will you keep running yourself ragged into burnout and exhaustion just to validate yourself? Or will you take another way?
Let me give you some perspective. One of the things that I had on my plate was the girls’ lunches. Ignoring the advice that I have counseled thousands of women on, I felt a desire to be a fun mom with their lunches. I thought that my girls would love little faces made with their fruit. I thought they would feel so loved and appreciated with the little notes I wrote every day.
But it became a thing I dreeeeaded. What would I write today? I did a knock-knock joke yesterday, so I better write something inspirational today. What face could I make that would be recognizable and simple?
I was just sure that this would be the thing that would make my daughters’ school years simply magical and they’d talk about it as something so fondly remembered to their kids. So I HAD to keep doing them.
Wrong.
I was throwing lunches together one morning as we were headed out the door (again, ignoring some of my own advice) and no one got a cute sandwich pig and no one got a note. And neither of them said a word about it.
Was it a fluke?
I simplified lunches the next day and the day after and literally haven’t heard a single thing about it.
This is not an attack on those that go all out for things like lunches. If you love it, you do you. This is to simply point out that often when we’re so focused on “achieving” for achievement’s sake, we get wrapped up in things that don’t matter at all. Or ones we THINK will matter to our kids and they could not care less about them.
So we’re running ourselves ragged, trying to wave our flag of, “Look!! I did it! I provided for my kids and I worked a full-time job and I was a great wife and I baked cookies for the bake sale! They were organic!”
And we’re the only ones who care.
What if, instead, we looked at our whole list and chose the things that a) really did make our kids feel loved b) made our spouse feel loved and appreciated the way they receive that kind of care and c) allowed us to show up as our best self.
Ask your kids. Have conversations with your partner. Find out what really matters to them.
Maybe your kids would prefer that you got to pick them up from school a couple days of week rather than be the room mom. Maybe your husband would much rather sit and have a conversation after dinner rather than you slaving over a home cooked meal and then having to do all the dishes together (even though you THOUGHT that’s what he wanted because that’s what his mom did.)
If we’re trying to achieve simply for achievement’s sake, then we’ve missed the mark. We’re toiling in vain. Get back to your center points to really take a look at what means the most to you and go after THAT with all you’ve got.
We talk a lot about our centered vision and how to make that happen in our lives in the
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