🎶 Here comes in-laws,

here comes in-laws,

right down stressed out lane 🎶 

Okay, I couldn’t help myself. This week marks the beginning of about 8 weeks of what could be insane amounts of stress in your home, job, and your family.

The holidays can be such an amazing time of refreshment (don’t laugh!) and enjoying your family. But they can also be a LOT.

497 parties to go to.

15 school plays.

32 dozen cookies to bake that will probably just have the frosting licked off.

Over the next few weeks, we’re going to give you the Working Mom’s Guide to the Holidays and tackle a few different things that come up for us EVERY year. Things that, if we let them, can absolutely ruin what could be a really magical time of year. Things like shopping, school and work parties, and aaaalll the pinterest traditions you could choose from.

This week, let’s chat about the stress that comes with family coming into town. Regardless if you have a great relationship with your family or if it’s strained, holidays usually mean more time together. And even on the best of terms, more can equal chaos or stress. 

At Modern Mommy Doc, when we’re trying to solve any problem, we’re going to point you back to your Centered Vision every single time. It takes an aerial view of your life and helps you decide what you want it to look like. This Centered Vision lets you be in the driver’s seat and take control of where your time and energy is spent.

But before you can apply it to what you want your holidays to look like, you must have a really clear picture of what that Centered Vision is. Everything else flows from that. For instance, if one of your centered points was family time, this will be something to really pay attention to as you schedule out your holidays.

Then you can run everything else through that filter, knowing what’s important to you. Here’s how that can work with family coming to town.

Set clear boundaries which are shaped by your priorities.

This doesn’t mean that when your Aunt Bethany drops by the house, you tell her, “Sorry, Aunt B. We’re only taking visitors on Tuesdays and Thursdays.” But what it does mean is that you can choose to have a longer visit with her rather than head out for the 4th office party that week because you know no one will even notice that you’re not there.

Boundaries can be set simply in your mind or by having clear conversations with your partner and family about when you’re available. “We’re really trying to stick to bedtimes lately so that everyone else is happier the next day. So we’re going to have to call it a night by 8. Thanks so much for understanding.”

Start early.

If you know that every year your mom has a party on Christmas Eve but your in-laws were planning on flying in that day, you can’t start talking about it on the 14th. Being upfront about something tricky like this is ALWAYS a better option. 

There doesn’t need to be any emotions attached to them either (even if the receiver of said boundaries decides to attach them!) Use something simple like, “We can’t wait to see you. We’ve got my mom’s party that night, so I’m happy to give you some great restaurant recommendations or you can hang back at the house and enjoy the quiet before the chaos of Christmas morning.”

Remember it’s your home and you set the tone.

We often think of the stress that comes with family coming to town only affecting the adults, but our kids really can unintentionally suffer as well. They aren’t going to say, “Mama, I’m feeling overwhelmed with all the people here. I think I need to get some time for myself in my room.”

More likely, they’re going to throw themselves on the floor at the most inconvenient time.

Instead of freaking out on your kid (been there!) try to stay as calm as possible as you remove them from the room. It’s SO easy to act out of embarrassment (also been there!) instead of from grace and love.

Give them a great big squeezy hug (pressure can help them be able to regulate again) and tell them, “Oh man. Those are big feelings. Sometimes I have big feelings like that too whenever I feel like there’s too many eyes on me. Let’s stay here a few minutes until it feels better to go back out.”

And don’t let the fact that family is in town pressure you into becoming this mom that you’re not. If you usually allow screen time after dinner, it’s OKAY that they still get it. What kid wants to sit through adult conversation? I barely want to do that.

You are not the built-in entertainer for all out-of-town guests (and neither are your kids!) and it’s more than fine for everyone to have some downtime.

Talk to your boss in advance.

Most of the time we know a few weeks out when people will be in town. Do what you can ahead of time to have a discussion about flexible work schedules or working from home. That way you don’t have to be in the midst of an already stressful time and asking for time off. 

Use it to your advantage!

This last one sounds weird, but if you’re comfortable with leaving your kids with the family that comes in town, get some free babysitting out of it! Extra time with grandma can be a date night, time to catch up on some work, or even just to be able to lie down!

Do you get stressed when family comes to town for holidays? Which point can you use to help alleviate that stress?