You know that casual run in at Target? Where you bump into someone you sorta know but not really enough to have a full catch-up sesh?
It’s the exchange of the usual, “How are you?” and “Good thanks! Good to see you!”
And that’s it.
What would it look like if you actually answered that question honestly? I mean it might be a little awkward, right?
“How are you?”
“Exhausted. I can’t remember the last time I haven’t woken up already too tired for the day. I work really hard at my job and then come home to my kids, whom I adore, but they are just SO MUCH right now.”
OOOF.
But, if we’re honest, that’s how most of us feel. There’s so much taking away our attention and energy that there’s barely enough left to just shower or read a book at night.
Working moms are drained by their “attention economy” every single day. Just like our country’s economy is how we manage the input and output of goods, services, and the money exchanged for each of those, the attention economy is how we manage what’s vying for our attention and how we handle the withdrawals upon it.
And, if I had to take a guess, yours is probably in the red and in desperate need of a deposit.
Because what affects our energy levels aren’t just the big tasks like work and parenting and marriage. It’s all the micro-tasks that come along with it. It’s all the things that as moms we end up just taking care of as the she-fault parent.
Like arranging carpools, "tetrising" summer camp schedules to cover childcare gaps, scheduling orthodontist visits, ordering pet medication, managing your home, scheduling someone to mow the lawn, and handling the influx of emails from your finance guy/mortgage guy/all the guys.
I know you want to be an amazing parent. So do I. But sometimes that desire makes things feel even heavier and too demanding. All you have to do is Google, “Parenting Techniques for a ______ (strong willed/shy/middle/youngest/perfectionist) child and you’ll get thousands of responses.
Between all of the “shadow” tasks like the ones I listed above that just get added onto our plates and follow us around until they’re done and the rise of every new piece of technology that wants to hook us in, most of us are in a pretty big energy valley. Our attention is just pulled in too many places.
If this is what you’re feeling like, let me give you three things that have worked for me (and that I’m still working on!) when I feel like my ability to focus on the ONE thing I need to get done is hampered by the 498 other things on my list for the day.
Get better sleep.
I know, that seems pretty easy for me to say without a newborn who nurses 5 times a night. Or a toddler who’s potty training. But notice I didn’t say get MORE sleep. Sometimes that’s not an option. But what you really need is better sleep. We think that vegging in front of the TV (which I LOVE) for an hour before we go to bed is going to help us unwind, but in reality, it’s really actually making it harder for us to go to sleep. AND it can even affect our decision making abilities the next day! When you’re already feeling stretched too thin, you don’t need another reason why your brain can’t handle simple tasks.
Try this:
1) Start by kicking screen time to the curb for an hour before bed.
2) Make sure you get some type of movement in during the day. I’m not saying you have to run a marathon or even break a sweat. Simply stretching can get your body to relax!
Brain Dump.
Keep a journal with you at work, in your purse, by your bed. Basically everywhere 😀 This helps when you’re in the middle of a task and another one comes up. You can jot it down (along with all the other things on your mind) so you can jump back into your task at hand without having to be derailed by distraction.
Ask for support.
This one is the toughest but arguably the most important. If you’ve got a partner you are parenting with, you have to be able to express your needs. They want the best for you and your kids. Start by making a list of literally ALL the decisions/microtasks you have to make in the next week, or at least as many as you can think of. Share this with your spouse and ask them to take half. Explain to them that while taking your daughter to piano right around the corner might not seem like a big deal, but doing that while also figuring out what you’re bringing for the bake sale at school (and also making/buying), helping your son study spelling, and finishing your presentation for work IS a big deal and you need help.
Sidenote: If you want help, you’ve got to be willing to give up a little control. Trust me, it’s better for everyone.
What can you do THIS week to help yourself feel more centered and not pulled in so many directions?
