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About Our Guest:
Whitney Casares, MD, MPH, FAAP, is a practicing board-certified pediatrician, author, speaker, and full-time working mom. Dr. Whitney is a Stanford University-trained private practice physician whose expertise spans the public health, direct patient care, and media worlds. She holds a Master of Public Health in Maternal and Child Health from The University of California, Berkeley, and a Journalism degree from California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo. She is also CEO and Founder of Modern Mommy Doc.
Dr. Whitney advocates for the success of career-driven caregivers in all facets of their lives, guiding them toward increased focus, happiness, and effectiveness despite the systemic challenges and inherent biases that threaten to undermine them. She speaks nationally about her Centered Life Blueprint, which teaches working caregivers how to pay attention to what matters most amid pressure, at multibillion-dollar corporations like Adidas and Nike, and at executive-level conferences. She is a spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics and medical consultant for large-scale organizations, including Good Housekeeping magazine, Gerber, and L’Oreal (CeraVe). Her work has been featured in Forbes, Thrive Global, and TODAY Parenting. She is a regular contributor to Psychology Today.
Dr. Whitney practices medicine in Portland, Oregon, where she and her husband raise their two young daughters.
About the Episode:
In this episode, Dr. Whitney talks about the foundational piece that is missing that we must develop BEFORE we start implementing strategies for equity at home and in the workplace: self-worth. We must decide that we are worth fighting for and that we are valuable before we take on the giant systemic issue of inequity. Without it, there’s not much we’re fighting for and we’ll quickly lose steam and settle into societal norms.
Episode Takeaways:
- There are so many great tools out there, like Eve Rodsky’s idea of fair play for equitable workloads in relationships, as well as the minimum standard of care, that are helping women take huge strides towards equity in their home and workplace. However, sometimes, those strategies are a great second step and what we need to do first is to change the foundational principles that are actually holding us back from making that change. In 2023, we have to take ownership of our roles as women and realize that, even in the midst of systemic issues, we are either perpetuating the way we are treated in the workplace and at home or changing the game. We have control over certain aspects of our ability to be treated with the level of value that we actually have and bring to the table. There are 4 things we can do, no matter what our work or home situations are like, and no matter what the policies are that begin with the idea of knowing your self-worth.
- #1 We have to be aware of the conditioning that women in America have been getting since we were little, to not be too loud or aggressive and to be a “good little girl.” In recent contract negotiations, I found myself having to really be sure of the value and contribution I bring to the table. If I wasn’t, I would fall into making sure that, ABOVE getting my worth, I was kind. That I was well liked. That no one was mad at me. I always want to bring professionalism with me in my work, but if I do all of those things in place of allowing my contributions to be fairly compensated or even acknowledged, I’m perpetuating poor treatment.
- For example, let’s look at the fight for work-from-home vs mandated in-office hours. In many cases, employees find that they actually are more productive at home and are able to work more efficiently, but there’s still a lot of tone-deaf pushback from employers to say that people must work from their physical locations, which generally affects women more than men. When we are aware of those inequities, we have to push past the fear that we won’t be liked or that we need to stay quiet, in order to see real change happen.
- #2 Really dig into your self-boundary. There are all types of boundaries, such as boundaries around your time, money, or physical space. We often forget about the most important one, your self-boundary. If you have a really poor self-boundary, that means you’re willing to abandon your own needs for the sake of the team or for the sake of someone else, whose needs you’re putting above your own. Without these self-boundaries, you’re going to end up compromising your worth and it’s going to show up in your bodily symptoms (fatigue, headache, anxiety), usually at a pretty inconvenient time.
- #3 Treat yourself with self-compassion, which is the idea that you deserve to treat yourself the same way you would your best friend–with compassion and the benefit of the doubt. When you do this, you’re giving yourself grace for when you’re having a hard time, because you know you have a lot on your plate, you were overwhelmed, or because you were over-functioning. As moms, we’re usually terrible at this. Self-compassion recognizes the feelings that you’re having, validating those feelings, recognizing that you’re not alone in those feelings, and then treating yourself with as much kindness and empathy as possible. This allows you to set stronger self-boundaries and not allow people to treat you poorly, because you feel so strongly about what you’re worth and what you need.
- #4 Patience, practice and accountability. You can practice this using some compassionate-assertive language when you’re talking with other people. It allows you to show that you have compassion for what someone is going through, but doesn’t allow you to take on the burden of what they’re unwilling to carry. You also have to have that personal accountability piece in place in order to make sure that change is continually happening, not just the one time someone is called out. We had to do this when divvying up the chores in our house. Once we brought awareness to how much of a load I was taking on, my husband eagerly helped me split our tasks. However, he didn’t really fully jump on board to be consistent, until we had our therapist following up, as well as seeing other couples modeling what they were doing as well. It became our social norm. Finally, I just have to have lots and lots of patience. It’s taken us centuries to get to this point where we’re even aware of the inequities. It’s going to take generations until we get to where we want.
More Blogs on this Topic:
- All I want for Christmas is you…doing more around the house
- If you’re having a hard time being nice to yourself, read this
- Ending the resentment cycle for good
More Podcast Episodes on this Topic:
Not sure how to navigate your next visit with your child's pediatrician? I've got you.
About Our Guest: Whitney Casares, MD, MPH, FAAP, is a practicing board-certified pediatrician, author, speaker, and full-time working mom. Dr. Whitney is a Stanford University-trained private practice physician whose expertise spans the public health, direct patient care, and media worlds. She holds a Master of Public Health in Maternal and Child Health from The University of California, Berkeley, and a Journalism degree from California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo. She is also CEO and Founder of Modern Mommy Doc. Dr. Whitney advocates for the success of career-driven caregivers in all facets of their lives, guiding them toward increased focus, happiness, and effectiveness despite the systemic challenges and inherent biases that threaten to undermine them. She speaks nationally about her Centered Life Blueprint, which teaches working caregivers how to pay attention to what matters most amid pressure, at multibillion-dollar corporations like Adidas and Nike, and at executive-level conferences. She is a spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics and medical consultant for large-scale organizations, including Good Housekeeping magazine, Gerber, and L’Oreal (CeraVe). Her work has been featured in Forbes, Thrive Global, and TODAY Parenting. She is a regular contributor to Psychology Today. Dr. Whitney practices medicine in Portland, Oregon, where she and her husband raise their two young daughters. About the Episode: Dr. Whitney shares the principles she's learned as a solopreneur in the health and wellness space, the failures she's faced, and the truths she wishes she would have known from the very beginning. Episode Takeaways: This is not an episode about “how to grow a multimillion dollar business” or how to double your following overnight. I really shy away from talking about business because it’s disheartening to see that most of the people making online are people who are trying to teach you how to make money online. This is an episode that comes from many conversations I’ve had recently with people who are wanting to start a side hustle or even a full blown business, but are curious how to do that with the rest of life that’s going on around them. I’ve recently made a hugely drastic shift in my career and have moved from private practice into a company called Blueberry Pediatrics . It is a shift that still allows me to practice medicine as well as still running Modern Mommy Doc full time. The thinking behind this shift really is born out of these 8 tips I have about running a business while you’re working full time or maybe still taking care of your family. 1) Know your why. We’ve heard it a thousand times, but if we don’t know the driving force behind why we want to do a certain thing, it’s infinitely easier to stop doing it when things get hard. Ask yourself why you’re so committed to this one particular area. In my business, my why is to help, support, and encourage women (specifically working moms) so they don’t feel alone in their journey. So when I’m pulled away from my family for a time period or I’m exhausted from traveling, I remember the greater mission behind what I do. 2) Expect that you’re going to fail. I just pulled the plug on a project we had been working on at Modern Mommy Doc for two years: the Modern Mamas Club app. I thought it was going to be so valuable for moms, when in reality it was just duplicating what we already had. I learned so much through that process and at the beginning, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Failure is a natural part of growth. 3) Prepare to invest in your business. With your time, with your money, with your emotions. People ask me how I grew and I told them it took a lot of time and a lot of my own money. There were times that that was discouraging, but because all of this was tied to my why, I was able to push forward. 4) Figure out what you can outsource and what has to be done by you. At the beginning you might not have any money to outsource with. But set yourself up for success and know what you’ll hand off when you get to that point. Don’t waste time trying to do it all. 5) Network based on what you love & pay for good PR. When you want to grow your business, network with the people that you genuinely connect with, not just because you might get a sale. Figure out who it would be mutually beneficial for you to get to know. And when it comes to PR, you’ve gotta pay to play the game. PR isn’t for instant leads, but is also a long game like networking. You show up, do the interviews, and every once in a while something will pop and you might get a ton more exposure. 6) Prepare for other people to not be on your level and to try to pull you back down to theirs. No one wants the homeostasis to change. That’s why it’s so important to surround yourself (even virtually) who believe in you and/or who are on the same journey with you. It doesn’t have to be in the same industry, but look out for other working moms that you can get to know. 7) Give something back to yourself along the way. If you aren’t making a single dollar and giving it all away to the business, you’re down a quick path to resentment. I understand all the moms who just over-function and grind it out to get things done (I was one!) but you’ve got to get a reward from the thing that you’ve been putting so much into. A small way I do this is by working at a coffee shop a couple times a week. It reminds me that I’m so grateful for my job, that it’s flexible so that I work where I want, and that I’m in control of my life. A big way I do this is through a travel rotation with my kids and husband. Each trip I go on while consulting, I’ll rotate through taking one daughter, then the next, then my husband, then I’ll do a solo trip. These are trips they never would have been able to take on their own, and it’s a cool way my business gets to give back to my family. 8) The way you set up your business is a marker if you will be successful. Not the way you structure it, but the mindset you have around it. In fact, there are so many parallels between the way I run my business and the things I taught in my newest book, Doing It All: trying to build efficiency into how I do my tasks, batching my work, not spending extra time on stuff that doesn’t matter at all, swapping out for what others can do for me, pairing things that aren’t enjoyable with things that are, not letting things contaminate my time, and making sure my desk, home, and calendar are decluttered. More Blogs on this Topic: T he forgotten boundary: setting limits with yourself Thanks for the cookies in the breakroom, I’m still tired Wake up, working mama. Are you wasting your life? More Podcast Episodes on this Topic: T ranslating “mom skills” into “boss skills” How to be an ambitious, out of the box, career maker and an engaged mom How to claim your confidence as a working mom
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