I could start just about every piece I write in the exact same way and list all the hundreds of things working moms have to do in a day that they aren’t feeling like they have enough time, emotional space, or skill to do. It’s the ever present push and pull between work and home, right? When we feel like we’re killing it at work, we feel like we’re slacking at home. When we feel like we’re Betty Homemaker, we’re sure we’re going to get fired because it doesn’t feel like you’re giving it all at work.
This struggle is so commonplace and bleeds into every area of our lives: our relationships with our spouses, kids, and friends, our emotional well being, our physical health. That’s why I could talk about it all the time and it would never get old. Because it has such far-reaching effects that every single working mom has to deal with it on different levels every day.
In order to successfully and stresslessly manage your home and work life, we have to first take a step back and look at an overview of our life from an aerial perspective. Let’s imagine your vision as a circle and your whole life as a box around that circle. Your centered vision contains all the things that give your life purpose. In the corners of the box are where you put the things that have to happen in your life, but that don’t fit within your specific vision--things like tasks, responsibilities, and obligations.
And that’s where the tension lies. In order to make room for our centered vision, we have to give less physical, emotional, and mental energy to those things that just don’t fit within that circle.
Let’s take a look at how I categorize each of these areas outside the circle and what to do about them.
The Non-Negotiables: These are the things that only you can do.
It doesn’t matter if you find them enjoyable or not — the fact is you have to do them, even though they don’t necessarily have a place in your overall vision for your life. We have to get them done, but with as little time or effort as possible.
EXAMPLES: work, answering personal emails, breastfeeding, etc..
THE SOLUTION?
Create systems and rely on smart organizational tools that make it easier for you to accomplish the tasks. This is all about time blocking, routines, and rhythms. Trello is your new best friend. You’re welcome.
The Swappables:
These are tasks that have to get done, but they don’t serve you. They can either be delegated to others or completely automated.
EXAMPLES: Grocery shopping, yardwork, bill pay, etc.
The solution?
Hand. Them. Off. They can be handed off to your partner, your kids (if they’re old enough), others in your parenting village (friends/family members), professionals, or even technology (e.g., auto bill pay). Grocery pick up is LIFE.
The Contaminators:
These are the tasks or commitments that fill your schedule but aren’t really necessary. They eat up your time and your family’s time, keeping you unnecessarily busy.
EXAMPLES: Extra committees/volunteer obligations, your child’s fifth extracurricular activity, physical clutter/toys/gear, etc.
The solution?
Perform a monthly audit to determine where you feel overwhelmed and stretched too thin. Commit to creating a physical environment and daily schedule that gives you space for reflection, re-evaluation, and mindful presence. Check out the podcast with Allie Casazza for some uber motivation on decluttering.
The Heartstrings:
These are the tasks that are important to you — you may have to do them or want to do them — but they’re definitely outside the circle containing your ultimate vision for your life.
EXAMPLES: Calling Grandma, health appointments, a trip to your in-laws, etc.
The Solution?
Designate a time for these tasks that works for you. Instead of cramming them into the nooks and crannies of your schedule when you’re feeling obligated or guilty, mindfully choose times when doing them meets your and your family’s needs.
Every time I go through these categories, I have things that immediately come to mind that I can shift to someone/something else or get rid of entirely. What area do you see yourself struggling with the most? What area are you owning?
Come celebrate your wins and get advice from mamas right in the thick of it
over at the Modern Mamas Club!
