Becoming a mom is an amazing experience full of joy and gratitude. It also can bring about feelings of shame and guilt that are overwhelming and keep us stuck. Dr. Whitney talks about why moms are feeling more shame than ever, how to handle it, and why walking through those emotions is actually a powerful thing.
Key takeaways:
- Many moms carry around this narrative with us all the time that there is something wrong with us. That we are the only ones who don’t have everything figured out or that we are the only ones who don’t have perfect children, a perfect home, or a perfect marriage.
- As I was faced with a situation where both of my girls were having a hard time (visibly, vocally, emotionally, all the things) in public, I tried to narrow down what I was feeling. It was embarrassment and shame. Shame that I didn’t have my life “together;” that it’s not perfect. Even though in my executive functioning mind, I know it’s not specifically my fault. And even if it was, it’s been wired into me from generations passed down for years.
- As moms, we often turn the situations and circumstances regarding our kids and families onto ourselves: It’s my fault. There must be something wrong with me. I must be the reason things aren’t going the right way. This type of thinking perpetuates all the pandemic issues that we’re facing and all the issues that are coming to light with systemic bias.
- A recent study showed that twice as many women as men were feeling isolated since the pandemic. This only exacerbates the problem because it makes us feel that we are the only one experiencing those feelings. Part of the reason we feel like this is because there’s been a societal expectation that women can just do it all if they just dig deep enough. And if you can’t, there’s something wrong and you wind up feeling immense shame.
- If you are experiencing shame, things you should know: 1) It’s not your fault. It’s the society that we live in that tells us that motherhood should be a certain way and it’s an unattainable picture. So when you don’t measure up, shame is the byproduct. 2) You have not been taught to practice self-compassion. You’ve been taught to just pull yourself up by your bootstraps and keep going.
- One of the most powerful lessons to learn is that you can’t get “over” an emotion without going through it. When we feel shame, that doesn’t have to be the thing that defines us. It’s data that comes in and we can learn the tools to combat it. Instead of reacting to it and diving into the shame hole, we can recognize that we’re feeling it because of the circumstances around us, and tell ourselves that we are not alone in this feeling.
- If you could see behind every post on instagram or behind every person who looks like they have it all together, you’d see that to be human is to have shame. The quicker we are able to get to a place of self-compassion, the sooner we will be able to take that data from a shame input and get to the other side of it while not letting it define us. It also allows us to recognize that negative and false narrative that says that everything going “wrong” with our kids or our marriage is our fault. With this, we’re able to approach the very real issues with grace, self-awareness, and self-kindness as opposed to shame.
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About the Episode: In this episode, Dr. Whitney sits down with Dr. Jay Gargus and Dave Justus from NeuroQure to discuss the power of early clarity when it comes to autism detection and why earlier intervention can fundamentally change outcomes for childre n and families. Dr. Gargus explains the science behind early behavioral therapies and why their impact goes far beyond short-term skill-building. Research shows that early, evidence-based interventions can lead to measurable, lifelong improvements in IQ, so cial skills, independence, and educational placement, often determining whether a child can thrive in mainstream education or requires ongoing specialized support. The conversation also tackles a critical and often overlooked issue: access. Dave Justus shares the personal motivation behind NeuroQure’s work and explains why the test is being launched at cost, with installment plans and employer subsidies, while the team works toward insurance coverage. The goal is to prevent families from losing precious years waiting for answers. Together, they emphasize a hopeful message for parents: families don’t need to wait for a future “silver bullet.” We already have therapies that work and getting kids connected to them earlier can change the course of a lifetime. In this episode, we discuss: Why early autism detection leads to lifelong changes—not just short-term gains What a 17-point IQ difference actually means for education, independence, and quality of life How early intervention can shift developmental trajectories as early as 6 months The science and validation behind current autism therapies Why NeuroQure is pricing testing at cost while pursuing insurance coverage How early clarity can reduce long-term strain on families, schools, and healthcare systems This episode is a powerful reminder that timing matters and that early access to answers can make an extraordinary difference for children and the families who love them. About Our Guest: Dr. Jay Gargus, MD, PhD is a physician-scientist and nationally recognized expert in neurodevelopmental disorders, with decades of experience researching the biological underpinnings of autism. His work has focused on translating well-established science into meaningful, real-world interventions that can improve lifelong outcomes for children. Dr. Gargus emphasizes that early, evidence-based therapies are already available—and that connecting families to them sooner can fundamentally change developmental trajectories. Dave Justus is a parent and the founder of NeuroQure, whose work is driven by personal experience navigating delayed autism diagnosis and intervention. Motivated by the belief that early clarity can spare families years of uncertainty, Dave is focused on expanding access to early testing through cost-based pricing and ongoing efforts to secure insurance coverage. His mission is simple but powerful: ensure families don’t have to wait for answers that could change everything. Want to Start Raising Body-Confident Kids Today? 📘 Order the Book Order your copy of My One-of-a-Kind Body 👉 www.raisingbodyconfidentkids.com/books 🎁 Claim Your Free Bonus When you order on our site, you’ll also get access to a FREE video mini-course with five bite-sized lessons for parents. In just 25 minutes, you’ll walk away with: Simple, script-style ways to respond when your kid says, “I hate my thighs” How to talk about health without weight talk What to do when your own inner critic shows up How to interrupt diet culture at home The first step to raising a body-confident kid, even if you didn’t grow up as one 📩 Subscribe to The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast for more episodes on parenting with confidence and clarity. Leave a review using the hashtag #ModernMommyDoc.
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