The other day, I read something that spoke more clearly to my life than any other piece of writing ever has.

I mean, it was a meme, but it makes me feel better to say “I read something.” It had words on it–that still counts!

It said:

I feel anxious today. So I think to make myself feel better, I’m gonna eat this whole cake. Which makes me feel anxious about my stress eating. Which makes me eat more cake. I am now more cake than I am human.

Usually I love to start these blogs off with something light hearted and funny before we dive in, but the topic of emotional eating and drinking is something that hits home for me. And I think it does for a lot of other moms too.

Let me get something clear first. There’s SO MUCH talk out there about diet and exercise. Like a ridiculous amount. And I am in no way an expert, nor will I tell you what I think you should and shouldn’t eat or how to move your body. That’s not what this is about.

What I’m talking about today is not eating cake at a birthday party to celebrate your daughter. Or even having another piece of cake the next morning for breakfast, laughing with your husband over the sink before you kids get up. 

I’m not talking about having drinks with your girlfriends simply because it’s Tuesday. Or even about getting smashed at a bachelorette party and having an amazing weekend.

I stand in no judgment of any of that at all. Or any of your decisions that you make for your life, actually. You’re an adult and one of the best (and worst) things about that is that we get to make whatever choice we want.

What I want to chat about today is eating and drinking in order to subconsciously fix something. To make ourselves feel a certain way. To try and numb the noise in our brain with another glass of wine or Oreos in your closet after your kids go to bed.

Like I said, I’m not an expert here. So I don’t even really want to give you “3 Steps to stop emotional eating and drinking.” I think that’s a topic for another day.

What I really just want to bring to light is why we do it in the first place–and I actually think that once we get a hold of that piece, it can really help get us down the “3 steps…” road.

Here’s what I believe it boils down to: control.

When there are so many things we see spiraling around us. When there are choices being outside of our hands. When our house feels like a bomb went off all the time and never feels like we can relax. When we are stretched so thin because we’ve said “yes” to all the things that actually drain us.

When we’re putting everyone and everything in front of our own needs.

We feel like we have no control over our lives. No ownership. No say in where our time and energy goes.

But what’s the one thing we feel like we can control? What goes in our bodies. We’re the ones actually lifting that fork or dumping that bag of chips in our faces.

In a world where we feel like all of our choices have been made for us, food feels like curling up on your couch with a blanket and a classic rom/com. It feels comforting.

And it feels like we’re telling something that we’re the boss.

Here are the times that I feel pulled the most towards emotional eating and drinking:

• When I’ve worked an insane day at the clinic stretching over 12 hours
• After I’ve lost it with my kids
• When I feel undervalued at work and my voice isn’t heard
• When our finances are out of control and we haven’t really checked in with the budget in awhile
• When my house is too cluttered and I can’t relax in my own home

And I know I said I wasn’t gonna give you steps to stop heading in this direction, but I want to share the questions I have learned to ask myself in those moments.

What am I feeling right now? What am I hoping to feel? Will this ________ (drink, candy, etc…) help me feel like that?

And then I can check in from there. Maybe I’m feeling happy that something happened and I want to celebrate! And that glass of champagne is a beautiful way to connect with my husband.

But maybe I’m feeling overwhelmed with my house and I’d really like to feel supported by my spouse. And eating takeout after my kids are in bed isn’t gonna get me anywhere near feeling like I’m on a team with my partner.

That’s one of the reasons I wrote my latest book, Doing It All. Because that’s what we’re taught, right? You can have it all and smile while doing it.

But if we don’t even know what we waaaaant to have, then there’s no way to know when we’ve got it! But if we can break it down to asking ourselves what’s really important, what we’re really after, then we’ll be one step closer to living a life aligned with who we really are.

Want more? Tired of feeling like you have to do it all to be a good mom? Guess what? You don't! Check out my newest book release here.