Sometimes I wonder: If there were a scoreboard tallying up my parenting wins and fails, would I have the courage to look at it?
I know you can relate. As mamas, we feel the pressure to do it all perfectly. Meet the deadlines, pack the organic carrots, get that date night on the calendar, and be an interesting, dynamic human being. (Or at least someone you wouldn’t mind hanging out with.) Factor in months of serving as your child’s nanny/teacher/parent/best friend, and it can feel like every day is adding up to a net negative. Forget looking for a work-life balance. Right now, it’s all about work-life survival.
Parenting, Pandemic-Style
Parenting is never easy, of course. But we often make it so much harder for ourselves than it really needs to be. Why? Perfectionism. Usually, perfectionism is considered a virtue, and it can be truly inspiring from the outside. But when the “perfect” life comes at the cost of your happiness, your sanity, and your children’s well-being, it’s poison. (Check out my podcast, “Fighting Perfectionism,” with Amy Stoeber for more on this.) And I’ll be the one to say it: When you’re trying to raise (and possibly teach) kids during a year-long pandemic while holding down a job and a relationship, you have to let the perfectionism go.
This was driven home for me back in mid-March when I found myself hiding in a closet. I wasn’t acting out “Panic Room.” I wasn’t even playing hide-and-seek. No, I was literally hiding from my children, trying to concentrate on finishing my patient notes and attending emergency office meetings via Zoom. (My office was closed to most in-person appointments, but healthcare work never stops, especially during a pandemic.)
I hadn’t even hit the half-hour mark before my kids came looking for me. “Mooooooommmm! She’s bugging me…and I don’t want that movie. Where are you?”
I muted myself, turned off my webcam, and tried to get my girls settled while I half-listened to the conversation going on without me on the computer. My kids were upset, my partners didn’t look happy, and I was caught in the middle. I was trying to do it all, but I succeeded in doing nothing very well.
Sound familiar?
The pandemic has made it harder, but juggling the circus of responsibilities we have as modern moms doesn’t ever really let up. And to make sense out of the chaos, I often rely on what I call a centered vision for my life. I know what I want my life to look like in five years, I know what to focus on to get there, and I know what to delegate or delete to avoid any detours along the way.
This is a concept I really flesh out in my Mama Reset Self-Care Retreat (at Home), and it’s mission-critical for getting my life on the track I choose for myself. But when life throws me a curveball — in this case, a pandemic — I keep that in my back pocket and switch to survival mode.
How to Banish Burnout:
For those of you who are still working from home, who stay home but are now acting as both teachers and parents, or who are simply slogging through some combination of the many situations out there, here are my sanity-saving tips for at-home survival:
Designate areas of your home for specific tasks, and create visual cues that let your kids know you’re off-limits, whether it’s a stop sign on the door to your basement office or a cutout of a hand on the guest bedroom-turned-meditation studio.
Play with your kids early in the day. Children hate waiting for our attention, so devote the early hours to them. If at all possible, focus on getting them outside and moving so that when you finally do sit down to work, they won’t be so antsy.
Consider an alternative schedule, especially if you have a partner who is also working from home and can trade “shifts” with you throughout the day.
Be transparent with your colleagues and partners. If you’re home with your kids, set expectations accordingly.
Just say no to obligations that don’t serve you or your family’s needs. The school fundraiser, your neighbor’s pet — whatever suddenly needs you probably doesn’t really.
Make time and space for yourself. Trust me, that’s more important than it sounds.
If you’re looking for more expert advice on how to optimize your work-life balance, join my live Q&A on Instagram tomorrow, November 4, at 12:15 p.m. PST. My guest will be life strategist Katie Matusky from Entropy Organized (also in my Mama Reset Self-Care Retreat program), and she’ll be answering all your questions while dishing out practical tips and advice.
At the end of the day, whether you’re at home or the office, whether it’s a pandemic or regular life, my hope for you is that you give yourself all the grace that you need. After all, packing crackers instead of a sandwich for lunch one day or missing a Zoom class doesn’t really constitute a parenting fail. Focusing on an imaginary checklist that you think will make you a perfect parent, however, kind of is. We only have these kids as kids for so long. Our job, first and foremost, is to focus on loving them and the journey.
Hang in there, Mama. Parenting is tough, and never more so than now.
