If you’ve ever clicked on click-bait articles like, “Will my child be more aggressive because he’s in childcare?” or “When good nanny’s go bad: childcare horror stories,” you’re in good company. One of the most common issues I hear from working moms all surrounds the guilt and apprehension about childcare. Choosing the right one, feeling guilty that you have to choose it in the first place, or even feeling guilty that you DON’T feel guilty about sending them to childcare.
We’ve all felt it (sidenote: I’ve literally never heard a dad feel guilty about this. Just saying.)
But before I break down HOW to actually choose the best childcare option for your family, we’ve got to talk about the way this decision makes us feel. There’s SO much guilt around the fact that we work. Then there’s the guilt that work causes us to need care for our kids. Or the guilt that we WANT our children to have care so that we can work.
Listen mama, you work. That’s a fact. If we kept our kids with us while we worked JUST to keep them by our side or out of a different type of care, we’re actually doing them a disservice. When we’re so busy around our kids all the time, we’re not actually mentally present with them. Which is soooo much worse than sending them some place else for care.
Studies show that kids in good, safe childcare are just as resilient, and well-balanced as kids who are not. It’s called childCARE for a reason. We aren’t talking child neglect or child abandonment. You’re lovingly choosing someone else to care for your child. AND THAT’S OKAY!
Let me give you just a few things I look for in each type of childcare option.
Look for these markers of a high-quality child care center:
- High childcare worker to child ratio
- Vision driven owner or company: this will set the tone for things like discipline, cleanliness, employee satisfaction, etc…
- An invested director and teacher
- A welcoming and safe environment
Here are my top four strategies for finding an amazing in-home childcare provider, like a sitter or nanny:
- Focus on the Details: Be thorough and specific as you outline your needs. Make sure you’ve covered all the things that really matter to you as you create your job description, so that the standard of applicant is raised from the get-go and you don’t attract people who aren’t a good fit.
- Stay Serious: Present yourself in a way that attracts the person you want working for you. Get a contract together so that you look professional that delineates vacation and sick day expectations, salary, work hours, and household duties. A simple Google search can find you a free template!
- Plan Ahead: serious nannies aren’t looking for a position 2 weeks ahead of time, so start that search early! I posted my search for a nanny 6 months before I even needed them to start.
- Be Choosy: Feel free to weed out those who don’t quite measure up. This is your kid we’re talking about. You want a caregiver you feel great about.
If you’re sharing care with another family (or few families), here are a few things to consider when choosing Family Child Care:
- How do children spend their days?
- What are the specific policies on illness, feeding, and parent involvement?
- Is there a backup provider in case of caregiver illness?
- How are parents informed about how a child fares throughout the day?
- If you’re not satisfied, how much notice do you have to give to resign from care?
Here’s 4 tips if you choose to go with family and friends for childcare:
- Set specific expectations for your needs and your child’s needs
- Keep lines of communication open (clearer is always better)
- Develop a pretty thick skin when it comes to possibly having your parenting style questioned, or maybe hearing more about your child’s idiosyncrasies
- Be flexible: You might have to decide to let the chips fall where they may if things aren’t to your exact specifications (my friend’s dad gave her 2 year old candy EVERY day after his nap...but hey, he took a nap, right?!)
As you decide on what form of childcare best fits your family’s needs, you’ll find pros and cons for each. There just isn’t a BEST kind of childcare. What might work for one family may not work for another. The best option may even vary from child to child within a family. Your decision is extremely personal and will be based on a number of benefits and drawbacks, budgets and must-haves, and, in the end, priorities and what feels best.
From my experiences with families, my top picks are nannies, family members, and in-home child care settings for kids younger than 3 years. Once kids reach preschool age, the need for structure and social skill development outweighs the home care aspect. At that point, a mix of preschool and sitter/nanny is my top choice. Of course, budget often comes into play, and traditional child care settings with quality, reliable
caregivers are a great option too.
I care most about quality care settings–options that provide a safe space where kids can build deep, one-on-one connections with their caregivers and peers and is a place where kids do not get sick frequently (very important for all working parents). The program or person also needs to provide the level of flexibility you need. Finally, you want the adults caring for your child to have the same parenting goals and values you do, backed by a working knowledge of the core principles of successful caregiving.
This could be in the care of a child care center, an in-home child care setting, a nanny, a nanny share, a friend, or a relative.
The setting is less important than the atmosphere, structure, and people there. Focus on finding experienced, quality providers. Like most things in life, what really matters when it comes to child care is that you feel comfortable and confident with your choice.
Regardless of which choice you make, you already know what’s most important: that your kiddos feel safe and loved. And it's
absolutely okay if the reason they feel that way is because the other people watching them during the day (who aren't mom and dad) are so freakin' amazing.
While you contemplate the best option for you and your family, you can click to download and use the “Child Care Option Comparison Chart” below to help make your decision.
I know first-hand that working mom life is hard, but I also know it doesn’t have to be impossible.
Trust me. The best way to get unstuck isn’t to work harder. It’s to use a framework that gets real results, no matter what area you need to tackle first.