I remember a mom friend telling me she had booked a day of massages and pedicures for herself a month after her second daughter arrived. I felt slightly annoyed. She said she needed it. Really? What a seemingly selfish thing to do. But, in reality, she was doing herself and her family a huge favor. Taking small chunks of time for yourself as early on as possible is one of the best ways to keep yourself from feeling trapped as a new parent.

My Early Parenting Mistake



With my first child, I got myself so bogged down by month three that I stormed into my bedroom after a night of very interrupted sleep and announced that I was going on a week-long trip with or without my husband once my daughter turned one. It was a little drastic but, at the time, totally necessary for sanity. My first child was so colicky, I needed something to look forward to.

What I See Now

Looking back, I see that if I had taken small breaks earlier on – a little trip to the coffee shop, a night out to dinner – it would have made a huge difference in my ability to stay resilient for the long-term. We did take that trip and, when I came back, I remember getting on the phone with my mother-in-law, who was incredibly supportive during those dog days of infancy. I told her, “I just feel so free. Like, if I need to leave for an hour or even a night, it’s no big deal. She’ll be okay and so will I.” I wish I had realized that earlier on.

You Really Do Need Self-Care

Take it from me and from my patients’ parents: You have to take good care of yourself to take good care of the ones you love (including your kids).