I see a lot of parents-to-be in my office and they have a lot of questions. They also have a variety of expectations when it comes to having a new baby.
Most of their questions are about sleep and breastfeeding. Often, though, there are a lot of questions about how to preserve some sense of normalcy, about how to keep things as easy and fun as possible. To be honest, I get the most nervous for the parents looking for things to stay the same. I encourage them to, instead, consider this a moment in time that will soon be over but that tends to go best when expectations are in check.
You will have fun again, I tell them, you will have date nights, you will at some point (kind of) get back to who you were before you became mommy or daddy. Right now, though, it’s time to dig in your heels and expect there will be a lot of tough days and nights. There will be moments of complete bliss, to be sure, but being a parent can be, well, annoying at times. You don’t have your freedom, you lose control of your schedule, you get lost in a sea of feeding and pooping and sleeping, then doing it again (if you're looking for a free new mom guide to help you along, click here).
Setting Realistic Expectations
Is it worth it? Absolutely. Is it hard? You betcha. Turns out it’s better to be mentally prepared for a period of awkward transition than to expect smooth sailing from the get-go. Becoming a parent, just like starting any new and challenging job, usually involves a steep learning curve at the beginning.
Dealing With a Tough Baby
Now, maybe you've already had a new baby and that baby is TOUGH—one with colic or who is just straight up a lot of work (If you have an easy baby, congratulations. Now, stop telling other parents how easy your baby is. They will only go home and cry in private.).
If you have a “hands-on” baby, first remember this: it will get better, believe me. I’ve been there and I know it does. But, while you wait till that magic day, do this as much as possible:
Talk about it. That is the only way to get the support you need. Call your mom or your sister, get to a mommy support group, call Baby Blues Connection, meet up with a friend. Better yet, have the friend come to you.
Expectations vs. Reality
If you are struggling with a baby under the age of four months that you think has colic, talk to your provider. Dealing with a colicky baby all day and all night can cause discord between parents, maternal depression, and anxiety. Your pediatrician can help by doing a thorough history and physical to make sure there isn’t a more serious medical condition and can offer support and resources to help you cope with the stress of a baby that doesn’t give you a break.
Colic is a real, difficult, confusing thing to go through with your baby. The good news: it does end. Your baby will not fuss and cry forever. But while you’re waiting for that magic day to arrive, reach out for help if you need it and take as much care of yourself as possible
I know first-hand that working mom life is hard, but I also know it doesn’t have to be impossible.
Trust me. The best way to get unstuck isn’t to work harder. It’s to use a framework that gets real results, no matter what area you need to tackle first.