I don’t know about you and your partner, but my husband and I have been around each other more in the last four months than probably ever before.

With the shift to living physically distanced and working from home as much as possible, families are finding themselves at home together more A LOT and well, let’s just say that this definitely has both pros and cons. 

For parents, this is an opportunity for whoever usually bears most of the weight at home to be able to take some of that load off and entrust their partner with some of the tasks around the house and with the kids.

However, this doesn’t come easily or naturally. The process of adapting to being around each other constantly and balancing parenting tasks takes some adjusting on both sides.

Maybe this transition hasn’t been so seamless for you. Maybe it doesn’t feel like you’re working as a team and one person is (or seems to be) taking on everything. So how can you have a successful parenting partnership in this day and age? How can you ensure that you and your partner are equally confident, important, and invested in taking care of your family and your household?

Don’t underestimate the importance of open communication.

How do you communicate with your partner? Communication matters in every one of our relationships, but especially our relationships with our significant others and our co-parents. When communication isn’t clear, neither is anything else. Have you and your partner discussed how your home life is different now due to COVID-19? Do you need to have a deep convo about how you can more effectively balance taking care of your kids now that you are both with them nearly 24/7? 

In addition to these more formal ‘big picture’ conversations, it’s important to have open and clear communication on the daily. Don’t wake up and turn to your husband and say “I’m going to a meeting, can you help with the kids?” Be direct and say, “I have a meeting from 8:00-8:30am. Can you get the kids ready, give them breakfast, and pack their backpacks so that we can leave at 9:00 am for camp?” Being specific will help you set expectations and eliminate any confusion or misunderstanding that could later turn into tension.


Your partner is not your employee.

I’ll be honest, it took me a LONG time to recognize when I was treating my husband with a “I’m the boss and you’re the employee” mentality—but what I do know is that it’s NOT helpful! It’s okay for you to show your partner how you want things done, but Mama, you also need to learn to let go of the little things that really don’t matter all that much. Is it really that important if your kids’ outfits don’t match the way you’d hoped? Or if their meals aren’t perfectly balanced every time your partner makes them? Or even if your partner doesn’t address behaviors exactly the way you do? 

Let your partner take control over different tasks (and encourage him or her to do so!) and refrain from constantly measuring their performance and reacting when they don’t do things exactly how you would. What’s important is that you’re both able to contribute to your family and know that you are trusted by the other person to do so. I know that this is easier said than done, but it will relieve tension and stress for both of you.


Connection is key. 

The idea of the importance of connecting with your partner and kids may seem fluffy, but it really is an underrated tool for life. Make time and have energy for connecting with them outside of your normal day to day—outside of scheduled activities, meal times, and routines. You don’t need to do anything fancy, just be together intentionally and be present and in the moment, not distracted or consumed by other things that need to be completed. Doing this is an act of investment in your kids and your partner and an opportunity to grow together as a family.


In all of this, be mindful of how things have changed.

Have compassion for yourself and each other and know that parenting in partnership will be a constant work in progress.

Figuring this all out might take a while, and that’s normal and perfectly okay. Give yourself grace. 

For more on this topic, check out this podcast episode I did with Jancee Dunn on “How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids” and this blog post on “Reducing Your Mental Load by Sharing it with Your Partner.”