What's that? You want to take your kids out to eat with you, actually enjoy the restaurant AND finish all your food without stuffing it in your mouth as fast as you can? Sounds a little ambitious? You think that’s an impossible dream? Nah, you just need these parenting tips on eating out with your kids:

1. Plan Your Escape Route.

As soon as the food comes and you've gotten all the extra sauces and silverware you need, ask them to bring the check. Let your server know that you're not planning on leaving for awhile but that, if things devolve quickly, this way you won't be inconveniencing anyone at the restaurant. The wait staff will love it and you can high-tail it as soon as YOU and yours start to feel stressed out.

2. Bring Your Own (Multiple) Distractions.

I pack a ton of lightweight, screen-free distraction options with me each time I head out to eat with my littles. Crayons and coloring book? Check. Thin paperback book? Check. Food of my own for the one-year-old to nosh on? Check. Believe me, the server will NOT mind if you bring in some outside food for a very small child If the alternative is a screaming very small child.

3. Invest In a Happy Mat.

I love this little contraption. It's a machine-washable silicone plate and placemat combo that sticks to the table so your baby or young toddler can't throw the porcelain plate they give you at the cafe across the room, hitting another patron in the head (I'm not sure that's exactly what they were trying to prevent when they designed it, but it definitely does prevent that scenario). The one downside is that the original version is kinda huge for taking along with you but, thank heavens, these people thought of everything. They made a mini version you can use for travel. I keep my full-size Happy Mat at the house.

4. Choose Your Restaurant Wisely.

I am all about allowing kids to be in grown-up settings where they have an opportunity to learn manners and etiquette (at the grocery store, while shoe shopping, etc). As for restaurants? I think, hey, if your kid is fancy and you want to take them to a fancy restaurant, go for it!! Sometimes that plan works out beautifully. Often it doesn’t. Make sure you're paying attention to your child’s mood, sleep level and, generally, how things are going that day when you pick your place to eat. Sometimes, going to a restaurant where there are a ton of other kids or where you know your noise will be drowned out a bit by the surrounding chatter can make you less on edge as you try to enjoy your meal.

5. Let Your Kids Play Until the Food Comes.

In Portland, we love our indoor restaurant play areas, complete with mini kitchens and wooden play fruit. In other parts of the country, where it doesn’t rain so stinkin’ much, playing with your child outside in a nearby park while the other parent orders and waits for the food to come can make everyone happier in the end.

6. Know When to Call "Uncle."

Try as we might to ALWAYS predict how time with our children will go, there are some moments when you realize it's time to call it quits. There have been plenty of times we've decided to divide and conquer- letting my husband get one or both of our screaming children back into the car while I get the check as fast as possible. We lick our wounds on the way home, asking ourselves why we ever thought it was a good idea to leave the house and venture out into the world.

Sometimes after we have a negative experience at a restaurant I think, “Why do I torture myself like this? Why do I even bother going places where I have to corral cats while I try to keep food from flying around the room?” But, in the end, we always do it again. Why? Because, as hard as it can be to get out and about, it’s worth it to try new things, to explore the world, to LIVE LIFE with our children.

When you go out to eat with young kids, you’re always rollin’ the dice- that’s clear. You can win (nine times out of ten) if you plan ahead, bring the right gear and know your limits.