Here at Modern Mommy Doc, we talk about living a Centered Life a loooot. Like, if you haven’t heard us talk about it lately, you’re probably not paying attention (or ya know, you’re just living your life 😉) I see living your Centered Life as the answer to so many questions and the remedy to most sticking points working moms will face. And it would be so much simpler to live that life if we didn’t have to deal with…well, life!
Just like parenting would be so easy if it wasn’t for those damn kids, right?
But we’re not living our life in a bubble. We can’t just be all, “This is my vision board for my life. Now I’m gonna go live it.” There’s still responsibilities and ish that has to get done. So this month we’re gonna look at all the things that HAVE to happen, but don’t necessarily fit within your specific vision and how to deal with them.
We’re talking tasks, responsibilities, and obligations.
All the fun stuff.
This month we’ll look at The Swappables, The Contaminators, and The Heartstrings, and today we’ll start with The Non-negotiables.
Non-negotiables are the things that only you can do. It doesn’t matter if you find them enjoyable or not — the fact is YOU have to do them. For me, those things look like documenting patient notes at my office, answering personal emails, or breastfeeding. As much as I’ve tried to outsource it to my husband, he just didn’t produce enough milk. Plus, his nipple hair was really bothering the baby.
The biggest thing to remember with Non-negotiables is the same thing we tell our kids about doing their homework or eating vegetables: this process will go so much faster and will be easier for everyone involved if you can try to have a good attitude about it. I’m not talking about toxic and unrealistic positivity (“I’m SO grateful there’s pee all over this toilet when I clean it, because it reminds me that my children have healthy bodies.” No. Hard pass.) But when we go into something that we know isn’t our favorite and aaaalll we’re doing is reminding ourselves of all the reasons we hate it, it makes that task infinitely more terrible.
Here’s one way you can try to remedy it: go through your list of Non-Negotiables and see if you can create a habit around one by linking it with something that you DO enjoy. Clearing out that inbox? Do it with a glass of your favorite wine in hand. Breastfeeding? Make that the only time you’re reading that trash novel on your phone.
Or you could try turning it into a ritual that brings some form of joy or comfort. For instance, teachers have to grade homework and I don’t think I’ve ever met one who got into teaching because they were excited to grade papers on their nights at home. But what if everytime you had papers to grade, you put on your softest jammies and got to sit in your favorite spot in the house? Then you at least got to be cozy while you work through that stack of papers.
Lastly, with Non-Negotiables, you’ve gotta schedule it. It’s actual science that our brain will try to run away and avoid things that will cause us pain–even if that pain is just boredom. We can find every reason why we should be doing something else, ANYTHING else. If I’m not careful, I can be the QUEEN of avoiding a task for weeeeeeks that would actually take me a solid 20 minutes to accomplish. But when it’s on my calendar, I know when it’s coming up and I know that when my designated time is up, I can move onto something else (but don’t forget to schedule another time to finish whatever isn’t done!)
The Non-Negotiables aren’t something we love to do, by definition. Otherwise they’d probably be inside that circle. But when you can approach them with a different attitude, pair it with something else, and get it on your calendar, they’ll start to suck just a little less. And that’s how I’ll know I’ve done my job.
