There’s a very damaging belief that if we just believe in ourselves more or try to manifest away our circumstances, we can make huge, sweeping changes in our lives. That we can do all of the hard work of learning mindful self-compassion, changing the way we talk to ourselves, or reacting differently in certain situations. And that we should be able to learn this all by ourselves. While that might be true for a slim number of people, Dr. Whitney talks this week about why you need to put yourself at the center of your life in order to really see the need to link arms with others to get the help you need. 



Key takeaways:

• You have to place yourself at the center of your life in order to own your value and worth. And this is crazy difficult for women. Part of putting yourself in that center position is by getting help. We’re constantly talking about mindful self-compassion, being kind to yourself, and tapping into your body’s needs–but we often assume we have to do that all by ourselves with no help.

• There’s a damaging belief that if we just believe in ourselves or try to manifest away our circumstances, we can make huge, sweeping changes in our lives. But we have to change the actual faulty thinking in our head. We have to change the neural pathways in our brain. We can’t do that by just thinking positive thoughts.

Here’s what I did to get help:

1. I went to a couple’s therapist with my husband. We needed a mediator because our needs are SO different. And as much as I hate paying for it, it saved my marriage. And I don’t see us ever stopping.
2. I went to my own therapist that I go to every other week. And what’s different than just reading the things that I’m learning from her in a book, is that she’s gonna call me on it when I’m not living it out. When I’m not looking at things realistically, when I’m being too hard on myself, or when I need to have stronger boundaries.
3. Medication. I take anti-anxiety meds every single day. Therapy and being a parent to an extremely anxious child have taught me SO much about myself and one giant thing I’ve discovered was that I have been dealing with anxiety my entire life and had no idea that’s what was going on. Whatever tools that are helpful, not harmful, and are at our disposal, we should have no shame in using.
4. Outsource. Nannies, robots that help with my daughter’s social and emotional regulation, meal services. All of these things give me margin to focus on the things that I can do really well and that bring me joy. Let’s normalize not doing everything just because we “can.” What about things that don’t cost money? School counselors, podcasts, books from the library–if these things are going to make you feel better in your brain and your body, DO IT!

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