There’s a very damaging belief that if we just believe in ourselves more or try to manifest away our circumstances, we can make huge, sweeping changes in our lives. That we can do all of the hard work of learning mindful self-compassion, changing the way we talk to ourselves, or reacting differently in certain situations. And that we should be able to learn this all by ourselves. While that might be true for a slim number of people, Dr. Whitney talks this week about why you need to put yourself at the center of your life in order to really see the need to link arms with others to get the help you need.
Key takeaways:
- You have to place yourself at the center of your life in order to own your value and worth. And this is crazy difficult for women. Part of putting yourself in that center position is by getting help. We’re constantly talking about mindful self-compassion, being kind to yourself, and tapping into your body’s needs–but we often assume we have to do that all by ourselves with no help.
- There’s a damaging belief that if we just believe in ourselves or try to manifest away our circumstances, we can make huge, sweeping changes in our lives. But we have to change the actual faulty thinking in our head. We have to change the neural pathways in our brain. We can’t do that by just thinking positive thoughts.
Here’s what I did to get help:
- I went to a couple’s therapist with my husband. We needed a mediator because our needs are SO different. And as much as I hate paying for it, it saved my marriage. And I don’t see us ever stopping.
- I went to my own therapist that I go to every other week. And what’s different than just reading the things that I’m learning from her in a book, is that she’s gonna call me on it when I’m not living it out. When I’m not looking at things realistically, when I’m being too hard on myself, or when I need to have stronger boundaries.
- Medication. I take anti-anxiety meds every single day. Therapy and being a parent to an extremely anxious child have taught me SO much about myself and one giant thing I’ve discovered was that I have been dealing with anxiety my entire life and had no idea that’s what was going on. Whatever tools that are helpful, not harmful, and are at our disposal, we should have no shame in using.
- Outsource. Nannies, robots that help with my daughter’s social and emotional regulation, meal services. All of these things give me margin to focus on the things that I can do really well and that bring me joy. Let’s normalize not doing everything just because we “can.” What about things that don’t cost money? School counselors, podcasts, books from the library–if these things are going to make you feel better in your brain and your body, DO IT!
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About the Episode: There’s so much parenting advice out there, and most of it doesn’t matter nearly as much as the internet wants you to think. (Seed oils? We have bigger fish to fry.) In this solo episode, Dr. Whitney gets back to basics and shares the six evidence-based parenting principles she focuses on as a pediatrician, the ones she dug into with a leading child development researcher. She also shares how these play out in real life as a mom of two neurodivergent kids, because guidance only helps if it actually fits your family. Key takeaways: Be sensitive and responsive. Simple practices like mirroring your child’s emotions and “serve and return” interactions build a loving, trusting foundation. Dr. Whitney shares how a Halloween decorating session turned into a deep conversation about religion once she slowed down and got curious. Meet kids where they are, especially at their worst. Drawing on Tina Payne Bryson, co-author of The Whole-Brain Child , Dr. Whitney explains that soothing a meltdown isn’t giving in. It’s letting your child know they’re not alone in a big feeling. Model self-regulation, and repair when you lose it. Self-regulation predicts academic success better than IQ. The goal isn’t staying calm all the time, it’s understanding why you got dysregulated, coming back to baseline, and offering yourself some self-compassion. Set limits for your kids and yourself. Every child’s needs are different (screen time affects Dr. Whitney’s two daughters very differently), but all kids need limits, and so do parents. Taking time for yourself models something healthy. Aim for authoritative, not permissive. High expectations paired with warmth and grace is the sweet spot. “Gentle parenting” can blur into permissiveness, which research shows is as harmful as authoritarian parenting. Protect unstructured time. Kids need boredom and free play to become self-directed. For ADHD and autistic kids, Dr. Whitney recommends offering a few options and letting kids choose. Support internal motivation. Using a “mirrors facing outward” image from her own therapist, Dr. Whitney explains why we want kids to trust their own instincts rather than constantly look outward for approval. Want to Start Raising Body-Confident Kids Today? 📘 Order the Books Raising Body-Confident Kids If you've ever caught yourself saying something to your kid about their body that sounded exactly like what your mother said to you, this book is for you. Raising Body-Confident Kids is a research-backed, judgment-free guide for parents who want to break the cycle of diet culture and body shame without swinging into toxic positivity or giving up all structure around food and movement. It answers the real questions parents are actually asking about Ozempic, about picky eaters, about what to say when your kid is being bullied for their body, and about social media influences. This is a practical, values-based game plan you can actually use, even if your own relationship with your body is still a work in progress. My One-of-a-Kind Body My One-of-a-Kind Body gives kids the language and understanding they need to care for their bodies with respect without fear, shame, or appearance-based messaging. Through inclusive illustrations and evidence-based health education, the book teaches body literacy, boundaries, and self-trust in a way kids can actually grasp. 👉 www.raisingbodyconfidentkids.com/books
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