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RAISING CHILDREN | THE REAL MEASURE OF SUCCESS...AND HOW TO HELP YOUR KIDS ATTAIN IT

 Modern Mommy Doc


PUBLICATION DATE:

Dec 22, 2017

RAISING CHILDREN | THE REAL MEASURE OF SUCCESS...AND HOW TO HELP YOUR KIDS ATTAIN IT

 Modern Mommy Doc

CATEGORY: PARENTING + KIDS

We all want our kids to be successful - to be a leap ahead. Not ahead of every other kid, necessarily, but to their full potential. This is all a part of raising children.


So, how do we do it? And how do we achieve it (even more importantly) without making them stressed-out and overwhelmed in the process (by the way, if you have toddlers who tend to act out when they're stressed, check out our free toddler tantrum guide here)?


1. First Get a Grip On Your Parenting Goals and Philosophy


Is my goal to have my daughters be doctors like me? Why? Because that sounds successful? Not a good enough reason. Is my number one focus for them to be accepted into some highly-acclaimed academic institution? For what purpose? I have to check in with myself about my own motivations.


Instead, I try to make it my goal to raise daughters who 1. Are well-adjusted, self-sufficient, confident adults 2. Who love what they do-no matter what that is and 3. Who understand that they have to work hard to achieve their dreams. That is the REAL measure of success.


2. Allow Time for Imaginative Play To Foster A Love of Learning 


Just because I’m not gunning for Ivy-League admittance for my kids (not that it would be bad if they ended up there, it just isn’t my focus), it doesn’t mean I don’t look for educational opportunities every day. In fact, I do a lot of that. But my main goal with the activities is that my kids totally nerd out on whatever it is that THEY think is really cool, even if it's not in my interest area. I also make sure that they have plenty of free time to play without structure.


For example, my almost four-year-old is on a Julia Child kick these days. We stumbled upon some old In Julia’s Kitchen With Master Chefs episodes and she was hooked after one show. I noticed that, soon after she started watching, she asked me to pull out ingredients from the cupboard and began making little concoctions with them. At first, I asked if she was interested in an Easy Bake Oven, or some other way to actually cook food but she looked at me, appalled, when I suggested it.


“Mommy, these are experiments, NOT meals.”


No problem, kiddo.


She then proceeded to narrate her addition of the baking soda to the vinegar (“Ooh, look how it bubbles! It’s making a frothy foam”) and every single other ingredient she added in. She sounded like she was a cooking show host but, apparently, she imagined she was the star of a fancy chemistry presentation.


The counters were a mess. We probably wasted $20 in flour and salt, but she was so content as her little imagination soared. The next time we were at the library, she wanted to know if there were books about other types of mixtures - paints, dirt and water, other types of foods. It was a little magical.


3. Provide Age-Appropriate Learning Opportunities That Allow Kids To Build Competence and Confidence (But Don’t Overdo It). 


I care about keeping my priorities straight but I also care about stimulating my daughters’ little neural pathways . In the process of fostering a love of learning, I have to make sure to simplify so we don't get too overwhelmed.


Why? I’ve seen the effect of over-scheduling kids over and over in my office. The kids are so frantic and so are their parents.



Instead, I recommend focusing on one or two weekly non-school activities per kid per season (3 max!).


Mix it up while they are young, if possible, unless they find something THEY love that they want to stick with. If you can, find one active activity and one more “academic” or community option (think music class, art class). For older kids, let THEM choose from a handful of options, versus demanding that they be involved with a specific activity you really care about. If the coach/teacher is a bad fit, that’s one thing but, if at all possible, try to stick with whichever activity you choose through the season, then switch it up if it’s not working out so you can help foster a little perseverance and commitment.


4. Model Resilience and a Growth Mindset 


Allow your kids to see you fail and to rebound from your failures. Use family dinner times to talk about the best parts of your day but also about the challenges you faced and the ways you overcame them. Have your kids, when they are old enough, share their “Rose and Thorn Of The Day” as well. Work on letting them figure things out on their own, waiting to jump in with help until they ask you for it and, even then, assisting mostly by helping them to problem-solve the situation for themselves.


“Well, let’s see, how could you get your book back without yelling if your sister takes it?”


“I could give her another toy and ask if I could trade her.”


“I love that idea! Nice problem-solving.”


In your own work, look for ways you can adjust your attitude to consider yourself a “learner.” When you don’t do as well as you want to do, use it as an opportunity to grow as opposed to looking at each mini failure as a sign of ineptitude.


Approach your kids’ failures in the same way. “I can’t do that” is usually met with a “yet” in my house. “Did you try your best? Ok, then you did a great job!”


5. Aim For Goodness of Fit


When you get involved in activities or make choices on which schools/educational programs are best, look first at how it fits with the personality of your child. Does your child need a warm, supportive environment to thrive, even if it’s not seemingly as rigorous as another option? It might just serve you better in the long run. Does your kid need more structure and accountability? An educational program that fits that model may work better. The temperament of your child will often determine their needs and their ability to work well within the system where they go to learn every day,


A leap ahead - that's my focus for my kids and I bet it is for you, too. A leap to wherever they want to go. To whatever they want to be. To an understanding that success in life and work is not about fulfilling expectations, it's about finding the things that ultimately bring them joy and fulfillment.


The Overwhelmed Working Mom Freebie

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By SYSTEMIC CHANGE 18 Apr, 2024
About Our Guest: Whitney Casares, MD, MPH, FAAP, is a practicing board-certified pediatrician, author, speaker, and full-time working mom. Dr. Whitney is a Stanford University-trained private practice physician whose expertise spans the public health, direct patient care, and media worlds. She holds a Master of Public Health in Maternal and Child Health from The University of California, Berkeley, and a Journalism degree from California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo. She is also CEO and Founder of Modern Mommy Doc. Dr. Whitney advocates for the success of career-driven caregivers in all facets of their lives, guiding them toward increased focus, happiness, and effectiveness despite the systemic challenges and inherent biases that threaten to undermine them. She speaks nationally about her Centered Life Blueprint, which teaches working caregivers how to pay attention to what matters most amid pressure, at multibillion-dollar corporations like Adidas and Nike, and at executive-level conferences. She is a spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics and medical consultant for large-scale organizations, including Good Housekeeping magazine, Gerber, and L’Oreal (CeraVe). Her work has been featured in Forbes, Thrive Global, and TODAY Parenting. She is a regular contributor to Psychology Today. Dr. Whitney practices medicine in Portland, Oregon, where she and her husband raise their two young daughters. About the Episode: Dr. Whitney shares the principles she's learned as a solopreneur in the health and wellness space, the failures she's faced, and the truths she wishes she would have known from the very beginning. Episode Takeaways: This is not an episode about “how to grow a multimillion dollar business” or how to double your following overnight. I really shy away from talking about business because it’s disheartening to see that most of the people making online are people who are trying to teach you how to make money online. This is an episode that comes from many conversations I’ve had recently with people who are wanting to start a side hustle or even a full blown business, but are curious how to do that with the rest of life that’s going on around them. I’ve recently made a hugely drastic shift in my career and have moved from private practice into a company called Blueberry Pediatrics . It is a shift that still allows me to practice medicine as well as still running Modern Mommy Doc full time. The thinking behind this shift really is born out of these 8 tips I have about running a business while you’re working full time or maybe still taking care of your family. 1) Know your why. We’ve heard it a thousand times, but if we don’t know the driving force behind why we want to do a certain thing, it’s infinitely easier to stop doing it when things get hard. Ask yourself why you’re so committed to this one particular area. In my business, my why is to help, support, and encourage women (specifically working moms) so they don’t feel alone in their journey. So when I’m pulled away from my family for a time period or I’m exhausted from traveling, I remember the greater mission behind what I do. 2) Expect that you’re going to fail. I just pulled the plug on a project we had been working on at Modern Mommy Doc for two years: the Modern Mamas Club app. I thought it was going to be so valuable for moms, when in reality it was just duplicating what we already had. I learned so much through that process and at the beginning, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Failure is a natural part of growth. 3) Prepare to invest in your business. With your time, with your money, with your emotions. People ask me how I grew and I told them it took a lot of time and a lot of my own money. There were times that that was discouraging, but because all of this was tied to my why, I was able to push forward. 4) Figure out what you can outsource and what has to be done by you. At the beginning you might not have any money to outsource with. But set yourself up for success and know what you’ll hand off when you get to that point. Don’t waste time trying to do it all. 5) Network based on what you love & pay for good PR. When you want to grow your business, network with the people that you genuinely connect with, not just because you might get a sale. Figure out who it would be mutually beneficial for you to get to know. And when it comes to PR, you’ve gotta pay to play the game. PR isn’t for instant leads, but is also a long game like networking. You show up, do the interviews, and every once in a while something will pop and you might get a ton more exposure. 6) Prepare for other people to not be on your level and to try to pull you back down to theirs. No one wants the homeostasis to change. That’s why it’s so important to surround yourself (even virtually) who believe in you and/or who are on the same journey with you. It doesn’t have to be in the same industry, but look out for other working moms that you can get to know. 7) Give something back to yourself along the way. If you aren’t making a single dollar and giving it all away to the business, you’re down a quick path to resentment. I understand all the moms who just over-function and grind it out to get things done (I was one!) but you’ve got to get a reward from the thing that you’ve been putting so much into. A small way I do this is by working at a coffee shop a couple times a week. It reminds me that I’m so grateful for my job, that it’s flexible so that I work where I want, and that I’m in control of my life. A big way I do this is through a travel rotation with my kids and husband. Each trip I go on while consulting, I’ll rotate through taking one daughter, then the next, then my husband, then I’ll do a solo trip. These are trips they never would have been able to take on their own, and it’s a cool way my business gets to give back to my family. 8) The way you set up your business is a marker if you will be successful. Not the way you structure it, but the mindset you have around it. In fact, there are so many parallels between the way I run my business and the things I taught in my newest book, Doing It All: trying to build efficiency into how I do my tasks, batching my work, not spending extra time on stuff that doesn’t matter at all, swapping out for what others can do for me, pairing things that aren’t enjoyable with things that are, not letting things contaminate my time, and making sure my desk, home, and calendar are decluttered. More Blogs on this Topic: T he forgotten boundary: setting limits with yourself Thanks for the cookies in the breakroom, I’m still tired Wake up, working mama. Are you wasting your life? More Podcast Episodes on this Topic: T ranslating “mom skills” into “boss skills” How to be an ambitious, out of the box, career maker and an engaged mom How to claim your confidence as a working mom
By No More Hot Mess Moms 05 Apr, 2024
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By SYSTEMIC CHANGE 18 Apr, 2024
About Our Guest: Whitney Casares, MD, MPH, FAAP, is a practicing board-certified pediatrician, author, speaker, and full-time working mom. Dr. Whitney is a Stanford University-trained private practice physician whose expertise spans the public health, direct patient care, and media worlds. She holds a Master of Public Health in Maternal and Child Health from The University of California, Berkeley, and a Journalism degree from California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo. She is also CEO and Founder of Modern Mommy Doc. Dr. Whitney advocates for the success of career-driven caregivers in all facets of their lives, guiding them toward increased focus, happiness, and effectiveness despite the systemic challenges and inherent biases that threaten to undermine them. She speaks nationally about her Centered Life Blueprint, which teaches working caregivers how to pay attention to what matters most amid pressure, at multibillion-dollar corporations like Adidas and Nike, and at executive-level conferences. She is a spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics and medical consultant for large-scale organizations, including Good Housekeeping magazine, Gerber, and L’Oreal (CeraVe). Her work has been featured in Forbes, Thrive Global, and TODAY Parenting. She is a regular contributor to Psychology Today. Dr. Whitney practices medicine in Portland, Oregon, where she and her husband raise their two young daughters. About the Episode: Dr. Whitney shares the principles she's learned as a solopreneur in the health and wellness space, the failures she's faced, and the truths she wishes she would have known from the very beginning. Episode Takeaways: This is not an episode about “how to grow a multimillion dollar business” or how to double your following overnight. I really shy away from talking about business because it’s disheartening to see that most of the people making online are people who are trying to teach you how to make money online. This is an episode that comes from many conversations I’ve had recently with people who are wanting to start a side hustle or even a full blown business, but are curious how to do that with the rest of life that’s going on around them. I’ve recently made a hugely drastic shift in my career and have moved from private practice into a company called Blueberry Pediatrics . It is a shift that still allows me to practice medicine as well as still running Modern Mommy Doc full time. The thinking behind this shift really is born out of these 8 tips I have about running a business while you’re working full time or maybe still taking care of your family. 1) Know your why. We’ve heard it a thousand times, but if we don’t know the driving force behind why we want to do a certain thing, it’s infinitely easier to stop doing it when things get hard. Ask yourself why you’re so committed to this one particular area. In my business, my why is to help, support, and encourage women (specifically working moms) so they don’t feel alone in their journey. So when I’m pulled away from my family for a time period or I’m exhausted from traveling, I remember the greater mission behind what I do. 2) Expect that you’re going to fail. I just pulled the plug on a project we had been working on at Modern Mommy Doc for two years: the Modern Mamas Club app. I thought it was going to be so valuable for moms, when in reality it was just duplicating what we already had. I learned so much through that process and at the beginning, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Failure is a natural part of growth. 3) Prepare to invest in your business. With your time, with your money, with your emotions. People ask me how I grew and I told them it took a lot of time and a lot of my own money. There were times that that was discouraging, but because all of this was tied to my why, I was able to push forward. 4) Figure out what you can outsource and what has to be done by you. At the beginning you might not have any money to outsource with. But set yourself up for success and know what you’ll hand off when you get to that point. Don’t waste time trying to do it all. 5) Network based on what you love & pay for good PR. When you want to grow your business, network with the people that you genuinely connect with, not just because you might get a sale. Figure out who it would be mutually beneficial for you to get to know. And when it comes to PR, you’ve gotta pay to play the game. PR isn’t for instant leads, but is also a long game like networking. You show up, do the interviews, and every once in a while something will pop and you might get a ton more exposure. 6) Prepare for other people to not be on your level and to try to pull you back down to theirs. No one wants the homeostasis to change. That’s why it’s so important to surround yourself (even virtually) who believe in you and/or who are on the same journey with you. It doesn’t have to be in the same industry, but look out for other working moms that you can get to know. 7) Give something back to yourself along the way. If you aren’t making a single dollar and giving it all away to the business, you’re down a quick path to resentment. I understand all the moms who just over-function and grind it out to get things done (I was one!) but you’ve got to get a reward from the thing that you’ve been putting so much into. A small way I do this is by working at a coffee shop a couple times a week. It reminds me that I’m so grateful for my job, that it’s flexible so that I work where I want, and that I’m in control of my life. A big way I do this is through a travel rotation with my kids and husband. Each trip I go on while consulting, I’ll rotate through taking one daughter, then the next, then my husband, then I’ll do a solo trip. These are trips they never would have been able to take on their own, and it’s a cool way my business gets to give back to my family. 8) The way you set up your business is a marker if you will be successful. Not the way you structure it, but the mindset you have around it. In fact, there are so many parallels between the way I run my business and the things I taught in my newest book, Doing It All: trying to build efficiency into how I do my tasks, batching my work, not spending extra time on stuff that doesn’t matter at all, swapping out for what others can do for me, pairing things that aren’t enjoyable with things that are, not letting things contaminate my time, and making sure my desk, home, and calendar are decluttered. More Blogs on this Topic: T he forgotten boundary: setting limits with yourself Thanks for the cookies in the breakroom, I’m still tired Wake up, working mama. Are you wasting your life? More Podcast Episodes on this Topic: T ranslating “mom skills” into “boss skills” How to be an ambitious, out of the box, career maker and an engaged mom How to claim your confidence as a working mom
By Body Love 28 Mar, 2024
It's time to balance teaching our kids to love their bodies with teaching them how to take care of them.
By No More Hot Mess Moms 14 Mar, 2024
Getting your little one to sleep is about sustainability and evidence-based strategy.
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