Okay, do you remember in the movie Bridesmaids, those amazingly awkward sex scenes between Kristen Wiig and Jon Hamm? There were SO many hilariously cringy parts that make me laugh every single time. I mean, it has to be said that his character is crazy selfish. But that’s part of what made it so good.

They just couldn’t get on the same wavelength in the bedroom. She’s trying everything (and I mean EEEEVERYTHING) to make sure they both have a good time and nothing was working–plus he just kept going back to what he wanted. She tries over and over to do all the things that are “supposed” to work according to every Cosmo article, but it just wasn’t getting the job done, if you know what I mean.

My FAVORITE part is later on in the movie after she goes back to him when she’s feeling all mopey, and he’s a jerk AGAIN. So she tells him she’s probably just gonna invite this other guy (George Glass 🤣) to her friend’s wedding instead of him. And his reply is, “Okay, but can this George do this to you?” and he starts to confidently and awkwardly grope her boob, sure it was gonna send her into convulsions of pleasure.

And she goes, “Uh yeah. Probably.” I die. It’s the beeest.

Okay, Whitney, what does that have to do with anything? As much as I’d love to talk about the comedic gold that is throughout that movie, I do actually have a point.

Awkward boob grabs trying to get you to the big O are just as effective as random bubble baths and manicures for self care. THEY JUST DON’T WORK.

Now before you come at me telling me how much you love baths and manis, let me clarify by saying that they don’t work if that’s not actually what helps you. If you’re a stressed out mama who is running back and forth between practice pick up and drop offs, throwing dinner on the table at 8:30 after you ran to the grocery store for the 4th time that week, and trying to rehearse your presentation for work while trying to fold socks–adding another “to do” on your list isn’t going to get you anything besides more stressed, no matter how “relaxing” the task is.

Self care is only self care if it actually helps you take care of yourself.

If it winds up making you feel more frazzled when it’s over, not self care. If you dread preparing for it, not self care. If it doesn’t make you a better _______ (fill in the blank: human, mother, partner, employee, employer, sister, friend, etc…) it’s not self care.

Can a bubble bath make you a better mom? ABSOFREAKINGLUTELY.

If time to yourself without any other agenda is what you need, then of COURSE you’re going to come out better. But if what you really needed was to just say no to volunteering at school (and yep, saying no is totally a form of self care) then you’ll only feel more stressed because of the time you spent.

How do you know where to start? Just try things and see how you feel? That’s one way, but it could be a long process to find the right fit (just ask Kristen Wiig).

Instead, you have to focus on what makes you tick. Really get into what makes you feel aligned and gives you purpose. Here at Modern Mommy Doc, we call that your Centered Vision.

You can’t prioritize and focus on what you really need and what will move the needle if you don’t even know what’s important to you. But once you have those areas mapped out, it’s a game changer. You can then see exactly what would hit the right button for you when it comes to self care.

For example, one of my points in my centered vision has to do with financial independence and health. So as strange as it sounds, one huge way I practice self care is by staying on top of our budget. We’ve got software that makes it much less of a chore than entering it in manually, but I’m able to get a really quick picture of where we stand each week.

Armed with that info, I’m a million times less stressed when my daughter comes and tells me there’s a birthday party this weekend and she needs to buy her friend a present and a new outfit for the party–oh and new ice skates too. Because I practiced my self care of just keeping an eye on the budget, I know exactly what’s left in our kids entertainment line item, so I’m not tempted to just swipe the credit card and figure it out later.

Self care can look like bubble baths and manicures. But it can also look like taking a night class on a foreign language to get ready for your trip next year. It can look like a buying a new pair of shoes because they’re pretty or it can look like not hanging out with the other soccer moms during practice, so you can listen to a podcast in your car.

Whatever it looks like for you, REAL self care gives you power. And that’s something you can only find by experiencing it yourself.

Want more? Tired of feeling like you have to do it all to be a good mom? Guess what? You don't! Check out my newest book release here.