EPISODE Highlights:
- We all see memes on the internet, and we’ve even said similar things here on Modern Mommy Doc, that tell us self-care isn’t selfish. But I feel like we need to be very clear on this subject. Are there forms of self-care that can be selfish? As a maternal and child public health expert, I have to say there absolutely are. A new study in 2021 showed us that moms with children under 5 saw alcohol consumption increase a startling 323% from 2020-2021. Granted, a lot of people drank more during the pandemic, but moms were the group that saw the biggest increase. This same group stated having more than 7 drinks in a week or 3 or more drinks at a time.
- So I wanted to dig into what could be behind this. Why is it a coping mechanism? The study gave a few reasons why we might have seen this stat. One was this social media trend of “mommy wine culture” that normalizes using alcohol to deal with parenting stress. The other was the accessibility to alcohol through delivery options like DoorDash and Post Mates and to-go options from restaurants.
- We have to start differentiating between coping in ways that will cause harm to us and our family and self-care. If you don’t have a problem with alcohol, having a drink at the end of the day can be harmless. Going out with a friend and having a glass of wine is just as simple. In the same way, it’s fine to take a trip away from your kids to be with your partner. But it gets excessive and points to a deeper issue when you need so much time away that being with your kids seems impossible. You cannot sustainably have a strong connection with them or speak into their lives when you’re never with them. Or if I choose to stay late one day a week at work so that I can make the most of the other time with my family, that’s great. But it’s when I’m constantly gone that becomes the problem.
- True self-care is about taking care of yourself in the most intimate ways and building connection with yourself to understand who you are. We are all interconnected with everything in this world. And the best way we can use our unique skills and talents that we were gifted with is to be as aware and connected with ourselves as possible. The best forms of self-care are the ways that allow you to do that.
- What does self-care look like that doesn’t cause collateral damage to you or your family? That could be incrementally taking 5 minutes in the car before you come into the house. Or going to a concert with a friend. Or buying store bought cookies for the bakesale instead of making them at home. It could be setting a boundary like not staying the entire time at a birthday party. Or giving a task to someone else. Or carving out some time just for yourself. Journaling. Practicing self-compassion when things are tough.
- What are the ways that you take care of yourself that don’t actually lead you to the outcome that you want and what are the ways that you cope that are actually supportive to you and others around you? Is it causing collateral damage because you’re doing that form of self-care in excess or is it the thing itself that needs to go?
- Let’s address the idea from memes that basically say “if you think you’re a shitty parent, you’re not.” It’s this blanket statement that lets you off the hook. If it talked about making mistakes and showing yourself grace, that’s a different story. No one wants to be a bad parent, but if you’re CONSISTENTLY showing up with your kids in a manner where you’re yelling at them, constantly short with them, or reactive instead of responsive – and that’s just your M.O. for months and years at a time – that’s going to cause collateral damage with your kids. So we have to think about the actual cause and effect of our actions and how we’re taking care of ourselves.
- There are things that are out of our control (systemic issues and injustices) but there are also things that are within our control. There are responsibilities that are ours to bear. No matter what the circumstances are, you’re at least able to be curious. You won’t automatically be a perfect parent. It’s a journey for everyone that requires a lot of grace. You can learn to be kind and aware enough of yourself and your circumstances to recognize that you do bear responsibility.
- So in light of the circumstances that you live within, what steps do you need to take to set yourself up for the most success possible while causing the least amount of damage to yourself and those around you? When you are curious enough, give yourself grace and time to know yourself better, and care for yourself in ways that have a lasting positive impact, there is change that’s possible. There is hope, it’s not all your fault, but there IS something you can do about it.
About the Episode: In this episode of the Modern Mommy Doc Podcast, Dr. Whitney sits down with Miyaeva Renae—full-time creator, business owner, and intentional mom—to talk about the real side of new motherhood. Miyaeva opens up about the anxiety and overwhelm she faced after having her son, Stetson, and the rituals that helped her navigate postpartum life with more calm and self-compassion. From calling on her mom and her village for support to learning the importance of asking her fiancé for breaks, she shares how she learned to prioritize her own mental health while caring for her baby. You’ll also hear: How social media both fuels perfectionism and provides unexpected mom-to-mom support. Why ASMR and organization videos became part of her “calm the chaos” toolkit. Her honest take on breastfeeding, weaning, and the bittersweet milestones of a first year. The behind-the-scenes of life as a creator—and why she’s shifting from picture-perfect posts to more authentic, supportive content for moms. The story behind her new clothing line, Every September, created to fill the gap for boy moms who want neutral, stylish mommy-and-me outfits. This conversation is equal parts refreshing and relatable—a reminder that no mom has it all together, and that sometimes the best gift we can give ourselves is permission to be real. Key Takeaways: Motherhood isn’t perfect—and that’s okay. Miyaeva shares how postpartum anxiety pushed her to let go of perfection and focus more on the present moment with her son. Support systems matter. Leaning on her mom, best friend, and fiancé helped her find calm during stressful moments. Self-care can be simple. From eye masks to slippers to a warm shower, Miyaeva shows that little rituals make a big difference in mental health. Authenticity over perfection. Social media can amplify pressure, but it can also create powerful connections when moms are honest about the highs and lows. New ventures come from lived experience. Her clothing line, Every September, was born from her own frustration as a boy mom looking for stylish, neutral mommy-and-me outfits. About Our Guest Miyaeva Renae is a full-time digital creator, entrepreneur, and mom to her one-year-old son, Stetson. Known for her organizing hacks, “day in the life” videos, and calming ASMR routines, she has built a supportive online community of moms who value honesty and relatability over perfection. Beyond content creation, Miyaeva is the founder of Every September, a clothing brand designed to make mommy-and-me matching accessible and stylish—especially for boy moms. She’s passionate about helping moms feel seen, supported, and less alone in the messy, beautiful reality of parenthood. ✨ Follow Miyaeva: TikTok & YouTube: @miyaevrenae Instagram: @miyaeva Clothing Line: everyseptember.co Want to Start Raising Body-Confident Kids Today? 📘 Pre-order the Book Order your copy of My One-of-a-Kind Body before it launches on October 20, 2025. 👉 www.raisingbodyconfidentkids.com/books 🎁 Claim Your Free Bonus When you pre-order, you’ll also get access to a FREE video mini-course with five bite-sized lessons for parents. In just 25 minutes, you’ll walk away with: Simple, script-style ways to respond when your kid says, “I hate my thighs” How to talk about health without weight talk What to do when your own inner critic shows up How to interrupt diet culture at home The first step to raising a body-confident kid—even if you didn’t grow up as one 📩 Subscribe to The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast for more episodes on parenting with confidence and clarity. Leave a review using the hashtag #ModernMommyDoc.
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