I love my girls more than anything in this entire world. But. Sometimes they’re a lot. Being a mom is a LOT.
Parents face the weirdest dichotomy every day: you’d literally take a bullet for your kid, but you might lose your ish if they ask for a snack one more time.
That’s kinda my feelings around school starting. I LOVE that we get more time together during the summer. But I’m also so relieved knowing that that time is going to be dwindling down in the next few weeks.
It doesn’t help that there’s this sphere of motherhood on the internet that will tell you that if you don’t savor every single second of your kid’s childhood that you’re simply not a good mom. Or if you don’t want to bottle up the fighting and the messes and the noise and hold onto it for as long as you possibly can, then you’re the worst of the worst.
So no, I don’t think it’s helpful when the old lady approaches us at the grocery store – when one of my daughters is losing her mind because they’re out of the Lunchable she normally gets and the other is crying because her sister smacked her forehead in her moment of rage – and then proceeds to tell me how much I’m going to miss this someday.
First, I find that very hard to believe. Second, even if I did, heaping on the guilt while I’m trying to navigate my kids’ behavior at the store is less than helpful. And just makes everything worse.
Same thing with this idea that it’s not okay to be excited that school is starting. We are ALL aware that our days with our kids are limited. We know that each summer passing means one less summer before they’re grown and gone.
But believing that each moment needs to be magical or that if we aren’t popping out of bed each day excited to be mother of the year means we are somehow less capable, is simply harmful to all moms.
All parents really.
I actually think it’s a great thing that my girls are going back to school, because it helps me to be able to be really present in the moments that I am with them. I have less guilt shutting work down at the end of the day because I know I got in really good focused time and was able to accomplish (mostly) everything that I wanted for the day. And then I have ZERO guilt when it’s movie night and I get to BE with my family.
I know there’s moms out there who want to be with their kids every single second. Who don’t get overwhelmed by the extra noise or the extra messes. Who genuinely miss them the moment they aren’t with them. And that’s awesome for them!
But I’m not one of those people. I really do enjoy my time that I get to myself. I LOVE my job. I get excited for adult conversation. And I get REFUELED by the times that I’m away from my kids.
Does that make me a bad mom? Nope. Just human.
So if you’re having a hard time feeling guilty about actually being excited because your kids are headed to school in a few weeks, try this practice with me:
Instead of feeling guilty, lean into gratitude.
Instead of telling yourself that you’re a bad mom because you want time to yourself, remind yourself you’re grateful for being able to recharge so you can be the best mom to your kids.
Instead of telling yourself that you’re terrible because you’re looking forward to your kids going to school, remind yourself that you’re grateful that your kids go to a safe school where they’re going to get a great education.
Instead of telling yourself that you’re a bad mom because you’re at your whit’s end just a few weeks into summer, remind yourself that you’re grateful for the moments you’ve displayed patience with yourself and your kids (and for the show on Netflix that gave you a solid 30 minutes of uninterrupted work time!)
Instead of feeling guilty, lean into gratitude and see how that changes your perspective. Because you’re a great mom who loves her kiddos the best way she can. And that looks different for every one of us.
