This episode does not focus on healthy diet plans or how to get to a certain size of body. Instead, Dr. Whitney focuses on why women are viewing their bodies so negatively and what we can start to do to change that.
Key takeaways:
As a child of the 80s and 90s, I was a witness to all of the diet fads that were around. The diet cookies, the grapefruit diet, the insane workouts. I was either watching my parents go through it or I was participating in it. I was a constant runner all through high school, college, and medical school and in high school, I was on the dance team, so I was surrounded by the messaging about what foods were good or bad for you based on how it would make your body look–not on how it made your body feel or what it could do for your body.
For a long time, I was really angry about how my parents and the culture I grew up in talked about appearance. As a kid and teen, I was able to read Shape magazine, 17 magazine, or see celebrities with tiny bodies and it seemed like my parents didn’t have any filter when it came to how they felt about their body and their judgment on others’ bodies, even around me as a young person. I felt led down this path that only could end with me not loving my body because that’s what all of the discussions I heard about bodies were about.
Now on the other side of that, I’m incredibly careful about how I talk about my body and food around my girls. We don’t talk about good and bad foods or “diets” or that something could make you fat. I had to switch my anger towards my parents and the culture I grew up in towards society as a whole. And I wasn’t going to let these people that don’t know me at all dictate the way I feel about myself.
The world says to us: Unless we are a certain size or look a certain way, we are not valuable and bring less into the world. It has trained our partners, our parents, ourselves–everyone, really— to expect something from us that is unrealistic. It’s not just hurtful, it’s harmful.
Let’s talk about racism as it relates to body image. I would never want to speak for the experiences of people that I do not represent, but it’s very clear in the caucasian community. For centuries, women were expected to be so corseted that you would have a fainting couch. I don’t want to perpetuate the standard of beauty that was a white rich woman at her plantation! Every single person, no matter their color and shape, are acceptable.
Something I am trying to remind myself and teach my girls: there are no good foods and there are no bad foods. There aren’t treats or sneak foods. There aren’t foods you eat just because it’s healthy. Every food has its value and it’s a process to decide what that specific value it has for you in that moment. Maybe it brings me pleasure because it tastes good. The trick is acknowledging that that’s the value it brings and that’s why I need that food right then. Maybe it’s kale that can be delicious but also brings me energy so I can show up my best at work. Some foods only have a good mouth taste but don’t give me energy. And then I’ll be more tired and cranky. But that doesn’t mean they’re off limits, I just have to see and understand the value. We will be miles ahead of where we were when we grew up if we can teach that to our kids.
It’s a lifelong journey with food, our bodies, and our image. It can take generations to break those stereotypes and change the expectations that we have. Look at it like equity within your household and at work. There are people fighting and doing really good things in this field. I would love it if I could just snap my fingers and for things to be changed. And I know generations before us who have not been trained that way. So undoing all the expectations around gender roles in home and at work, is not going to be something that happens overnight. Same thing with our bodies and the way we look at them. Since the beginning of time, women have been objectified. It takes time to undo all of that.
When we say we don’t like our bodies, we are, in large part, saying that we don’t like ourselves. It’s almost impossible to trust yourself if you don’t like yourself. So the message that you’ve gotten from society that your body is not good enough the way that it is and needs to change, translates into you don’t like yourself, which translates into you don’t trust yourself.
And that makes it so every other aspect of life, you trust yourself less. When you're having a business conversation and don’t know if you should trust your gut on something. When you’re trying to build equity in your home. It undermines your ability to trust yourself as a parent, as an employee, as an employer, as a leader. Every facet of your life as a woman is undermined because of a societal impact of body stereotypes in the country that we live. So this is why it’s not a one and done mindset change. This is why it takes time. Be patient with yourself mama.
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