When I was 8 years old, I had a t-shirt that on the front said, “You throw like a girl…” and on the back it read, “...doesn’t mean what it used to.” I LOVED how that shirt made me feel. As a kid, my dad was a high school football coach for over 25 years and I spent many afternoons doing homework in the bleachers during practice. When I was really little, I thought that one day I’d be out there playing too.
Until one day, some boy at school told me that I couldn’t play football because I was a girl, and girls cry too much. Yikes. At the time, that cut pretty deep. I wanted everyone to know that I could do anything a boy could do. And even though, today, I have zero desire to actually play football, I still carry that with me.
I think the same thing happens to us as women in the workplace. Somewhere along the way we were told or we observed this idea that our femininity doesn’t belong in the workplace. Maybe even that it damages it. We feel this pressure to perform, achieve, or even act like “one of the boys” in order to get ahead, to get noticed, or to fit in.
What are we really saying when we do that? Ultimately, I think we’re agreeing (if not simply complying) with the notion that we would be better at our jobs if we were men.
While I don’t think any of us
actually believe that, when we decide to hide or water down our feminine side in order to climb the ladder, that’s the message we’re sending. And that hurts our jobs, our companies--and our sons and daughters. Can you imagine if my daughter told me that she would be a better test taker or line leader at school if she were a boy?
Heartbreaking.
But that’s the message we’re living out when we decide to “tone down” our femininity.
As a woman, I make the workplace better for everyone.
We need women - especially moms - in the workplace. There’s something distinctly different about our experiences, even the way our brains work. My feminine energy is unique to me and exquisitely powerful. When I tap into my fierce feminine energy, that's when I'm my most passionate, assured, and clear.
When women are themselves in the workplace, instead of trying to be something they're not, that's when work culture truly changes.
The other approach is exhausting.
I talked about this a couple of weeks ago in
this blog about taking off our masks. Vulnerability isn’t a characteristic that is praised much anymore. It’s generally seen as weak,
especially among men. So why would we, as women, want to be a part of that?
When we feel like we have to hide the deepest parts of who we are, there’s always the fear that you might slip up. That the REAL you will make an appearance and everyone might find out.
That
you
have emotions.
That you have fears.
That you are strong.
That you are capable.
Men and women ARE different. And that’s a good thing!
I love what
Mary Beth Ferrante writes: Moms don't leave their passion, ambition, and goals in the delivery room. In fact, for many moms, the opposite rings true. We are more driven to make an impact, to grow businesses, and to work for something that's bigger than ourselves. As mothers, we build and enhance skills through parenting that enable us to be even more successful and better leaders.
Let’s be proud of what we bring as women when we work. Let’s realize that “girl energy” can be badass and strong! One of my favorite dance party jams --sans kids, obviously-- is Lizzo’s Like a Girl. The hook says:
So if you fight like a girl,
cry like a girl
Do your thing, run the whole damn world
If you feel like a girl then you real like a girl
Do your thing, run the whole damn world
I mean, COME ON!! Do your thing! Run the whole damn world!
Mama, one of the best ways I know of to embrace who you are is to first
know who you are. And in order to do that, you’ve got to care for yourself. We’ve got ALL sorts of tools and practical resources on this in our video library over in the
Modern Mamas Club.
And it is completely FREE for 30 days, with one premiere event each month, featuring expert panelists like Dr. Whitney!
@modernmommydoc
