Dr. Whitney: Today we’re talking with the author of The Gift of Being Different, Monica Berg and it’s a fantastic book for kids that teaches them that their differences make them strong. So welcome to the show!

Monica: You know, it definitely is a book for kids, but I’ve gotten so much feedback from parents and adults that after having read it, they’re really relating! They’re able to process things that happened in their childhood now as adults and we’re noticing that this doesn’t just affect kids. It’s an issue we all have.

Dr. Whitney: I think every single human has thought things about feeling different. That they don’t seem to be like everyone else or they don’t have their life together like everyone else.

Monica: When we actually acknowledge our differences, it allows us to be more cohesive. But when we’re just trying to blend in and be the same as everyone else, that’s when we notice differences more and start to judge each other. It’s really backwards.

Dr. Whitney: Tell us about the inspiration for the book. Why did you want to write it and how did it come about?

Monica: When my youngest was 8, she was really struggling to read and write. Where most of her classmates were starting to get into chapter books, she was struggling with single sentences. But on the flip side, she could create these complex thoughts and problem solve in a way that kids her age couldn’t understand. So teachers were really confused and it wasn’t immediately clear that what she was struggling with was dyslexia. 

When we got that diagnosis, I really wanted to make sure I understood it so that I could present it to her in a way that didn’t make her feel less than. And in order for her to see that it was truly a learning difference, she had to understand what a difference was. Because of a lot of life circumstances happening around us, I hadn’t had a chance to sit and explain it well to her.

So one day we were getting ready and she asked me, “Am I getting all of this extra help because I’m stupid?” And I obviously had to take that moment right then to explain to her. And that became the book, which is one in a 10 part series. These heart to heart conversations on life and how to approach these things, transitioning the thoughts around what you think is your worst thing and how it’s actually your best thing.

Dr. Whitney: I will circle back around to that in a second, but first tell me about getting the diagnosis. As a pediatrician, I know it can be tricky to jump through all those hoops. Was it easy to get it? Did you struggle with it?

Monica: I think the first thing parents need to do is be informed. You want to be able to talk to your kids about what they’re going through because you don’t want them to feel ashamed or like they have to keep it a secret. They’re going to notice learning differences between themselves and their peers so if you can have conversations about what makes everyone different as a good thing, they’re able to feel more confident in it. So when you’re informed, you have options and you can decide what to do with the information.

And it really allowed me to frame it for her in a way that empowered her. She could see people that had dyslexia too and step into the fact that this is her superpower.

Dr. Whitney: I love that. We had a similar situation with my daughter when we got her autism diagnosis. Before we had the official word, she talked about having this “Elsa” inside of her. And that when she got angry, her ice went everywhere. But when she could harness it, it created something beautiful.

Once we got her diagnosis, she told us she wasn’t autistic and she didn’t want to have it because, to her, that was the same as the kids who had lots of behavioral problems at school or who couldn’t talk (which we know those kids are just differently and beautifully wired as well). But I started to research other people who were wired similar to her and wanted to show her this list of all these great people that are doing great things, BECAUSE of the way their brains worked. And so when we started reading books about these people, she was able to relate and feel valuable and seen.

Monica: The way differences have been viewed for a long time is that we need to help these people become more comfortable in society. When in reality, the rest of us need to become more tolerant and conscious of the fact that everyone is different, but some people’s differences are more obvious. I would guess that once you got the diagnosis, she probably started to behave a little bit differently. You had less expectations on her and she felt seen and heard. And she had a place to be the beautiful girl that she is.

And that’s the point of the book: enough of this cookie cutter idea that people need to change in order to make us feel more comfortable or that they need to change because that’s the way the world is or how it’s always been.

Dr. Whitney: You’re absolutely right. Her behavior changed and my behavior changed. We were able to help her articulate where she was in a decision making process. Do you not want to go to the party because you just don’t want to be in a crowd? Or because you know you probably would enjoy yourself when you’re there, but the thought of going makes you feel anxious? One we’re going to push through and one we’re just going to let it be.

Monica: Love that. I listened to a conversation between my daughters where she was asking for help with math homework for a friend who was over. She said, “I don’t understand it. Can you help us?” There wasn’t any negativity or self-loathing message, which is how differences were framed when I grew up. But when we can help them see that we’re all different and some are just more noticeable, we’re creating healthier adults!

Dr. Whitney: Tell me about writing this with your daughter. Were there parts that you had to rewrite because her experience was different than yours? Or things that she really wanted to include?

Monica: What’s really cool is that she is the narrator, but it’s just based on life. So it’s our conversations, it’s our experiences. So there were parts that she would say, “I wouldn’t say that” or “I’d do that differently”, but we were able to do things in this very messy, organic way that I think is magic.

Dr. Whitney: It’s been so interesting to see how this generation of parents are being really intentional about the care they’re giving to their children. And seeing that mind-body connection. I imagine that undiagnosed dyslexia could give her anxiety or depression if she was feeling stupid all the time and no one was telling her that she wasn’t.

Monica: There was only a few months from the time that we really noticed the problem until we got her diagnosis, so I don’t think she was hanging out in those kinds of feelings for very long. But now that the book is out, I’m hearing stories from her about how she felt at school that I’ve never heard before. And it’s been really great to open up those conversations about it.

Dr. Whitney: Has she gone on any promotional tours with you?

Monica: Not yet, we are pitching it though. She’s done podcast episodes and even interviewed my husband myself on our podcast and is loving it. When we do book signings or we are sending a book to someone and enclosing a letter and she misspells a word, she can see it as her uniqueness and beauty. And the letters we get from kids and parents are so wonderful! We’ve been able to bond with strangers over this because everyone is going through something hard and that’s part of life. Every challenge there’s a beautiful gift waiting, but you have to be able to change the way you see it.

Dr. Whitney: So many kids are able to see themselves as the awesome superheroes they are because of these types of books and conversations. Where can people find out more about you and the rest of your books?

Monica: You can purchase all my books on Amazon. My podcast is Spiritually Hungry and they can also find me on instagram or on my blog.