Last night we were snuggling as a family and watching a show with our kids before they went to bed. I hopped up to go to the bathroom at a commercial and, when I came back, my youngest asked me if she could have a snack.
I said, “Did you wait for me to come out of the bathroom so you could ask me for a snack? While you literally snuggle up to your daddy? You know he can answer stuff too, right? He understands how snacks work.”
Her answer, “Well, you just know where everything is.”
I think my eyes are still rolling.
It got me thinking about our roles in our house and how some re-teaching has had to be done over the last couple of years. I’ve had to re-teach my kids that mommy is not the only one who knows how to open fruit snacks, tie shoes, and fill water bottles.
But the biggest thing was re-training ALL of us that I am not the end all, be all when it comes to managing our home. I’m not the sole-keeper of our schedule. Or the only person who knows how to run the washing machine. Or get groceries for our family.
And that’s not me bashing on my husband as a lazy, good for nothing dude. Far from it. He’s incredibly hard working. I just got into the habit of taking it all on. Of being in charge of everything. And then doing all the execution as well.
Why would anyone do that? Simple: I didn’t know any different. I thought I needed to take it all on because I assumed no one would want to or be willing to help. So my only option was me.
But the result wasn’t pretty. I got resentful. Angry that no one was helping me, furious that they weren’t reading my mind about how overwhelmed I was. My husband got too detached from being an integral part of our family and having that close connection with our kids that he craves. And then he ends up feeling resentful as well–like he’s just a houseguest in his own home.
To keep us both sane and happy, we started having weekly family meetings to divide and conquer on “The Swappables”—all the tasks and responsibilities I’m so tempted to take on, but know I shouldn’t. And that doesn’t mean just handing off the things I don’t want to do to my husband. It’s a combination of things like delegating to our kids, dividing household tasks based on strengths and desires, and deciding what we can automate, hire someone else to do, or what we can opt out of.
For us, some of that looks like this:
- Scott takes care of all things dog maintenance and feeding.
- I tackle all the monthly bills (and have every single recurring one on autopay).
- The kids have to clean their own rooms before they start any screen time.
Don’t feel like you have to jump into all of this at once. If you had to think of ONE thing that is your biggest time suck, what would it be? Do you HAVE to be doing it? Or could you hand it off to someone else, automate it in some way, or simply opt out of it altogether?
Need some specifics on how to help team meetings with your significant other? Check out our
Parenting in Partnership Lesson in the
Modern Mamas Club App!
