In this episode, Dr. Whitney explains different types of boundaries that we can create in our lives, three reasons why women have a harder time creating and keeping healthy boundaries, and three ways to build the skill of boundary building.

Key takeaways:

• There’s often two ends of the spectrum when it comes to unhealthy boundaries: porous boundaries where you let people walk all over you and rigid boundaries, where you’re always the one setting the very strict restrictions.

• Examples of different types of boundaries:
• Time: how much of my time will I commit to giving you?
• Physical: I don’t feel comfortable with you touching me that way.
• Emotional: I’m not going to let you make me feel that way.
• Self: I’m going to choose to pay attention to my own emotions, not get invested in everyone else’s all the time

• We have to get to a point where we’re truly desiring healthy boundaries for ourselves and our families and caring less about others’ reactions to those boundaries.

• Three reasons we, as women, have a harder time holding healthy boundaries for ourselves:

• The way we were trained as girls when we were growing up teaches us to accommodate everyone else so we don’t rock the boat. We’re told that personal relationships, and the emotional status within them, are more important than how you feel.

• Women are taking on the overwhelming majority of the physical, emotional, and mental tasks that it requires to run a home and manage a family. And then we let that spill over to our work tasks as well. We constantly feel like we have to put other people’s needs before our own.

• We have no idea who we are. Which leads us to wonder if we even know what we want out of life–which naturally allows soft boundaries to come into play because you can’t create a boundary around something that you don’t even know how you feel about it. And the way out of that is pretty easy:

Have a centered vision for your life (know what you want!) You have to decide if you’re worthy of having a fulfilling life.

Build body-awareness. What do you feel when you aren’t holding your boundaries? What are you noticing in your body when a boundary is crossed? When you’re able to pay attention to that, you’re much more able to recognize that it’s happening and really start to hold your own boundaries.

Don’t try to do this by yourself. Surround yourself with people who want the same things as you. A therapist, a parenting coach, other women who are wanting to head in the same direction as you. One of our favorite places to see this happening is in our Modern Mamas Club !

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