In this episode, Dr. Whitney explains different types of boundaries that we can create in our lives, three reasons why women have a harder time creating and keeping healthy boundaries, and three ways to build the skill of boundary building.
Key takeaways:
- There’s often two ends of the spectrum when it comes to unhealthy boundaries: porous boundaries where you let people walk all over you and rigid boundaries, where you’re always the one setting the very strict restrictions.
- Examples of different types of boundaries:
- Time: how much of my time will I commit to giving you?
- Physical: I don’t feel comfortable with you touching me that way.
- Emotional: I’m not going to let you make me feel that way.
- Self: I’m going to choose to pay attention to my own emotions, not get invested in everyone else’s all the time
- We have to get to a point where we’re truly desiring healthy boundaries for ourselves and our families and caring less about others’ reactions to those boundaries.
- Three reasons we, as women, have a harder time holding healthy boundaries for ourselves:
- The way we were trained as girls when we were growing up teaches us to accommodate everyone else so we don’t rock the boat. We’re told that personal relationships, and the emotional status within them, are more important than how you feel.
- Women are taking on the overwhelming majority of the physical, emotional, and mental tasks that it requires to run a home and manage a family. And then we let that spill over to our work tasks as well. We constantly feel like we have to put other people’s needs before our own.
- We have no idea who we are. Which leads us to wonder if we even know what we want out of life–which naturally allows soft boundaries to come into play because you can’t create a boundary around something that you don’t even know how you feel about it. And the way out of that is pretty easy:
Have a centered vision for your life (know what you want!) You have to decide if you’re worthy of having a fulfilling life.
Build body-awareness. What do you feel when you aren’t holding your boundaries? What are you noticing in your body when a boundary is crossed? When you’re able to pay attention to that, you’re much more able to recognize that it’s happening and really start to hold your own boundaries.
Don’t try to do this by yourself. Surround yourself with people who want the same things as you. A therapist, a parenting coach, other women who are wanting to head in the same direction as you. One of our favorite places to see this happening is in our Modern Mamas Club !
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About the Episode: There’s so much parenting advice out there, and most of it doesn’t matter nearly as much as the internet wants you to think. (Seed oils? We have bigger fish to fry.) In this solo episode, Dr. Whitney gets back to basics and shares the six evidence-based parenting principles she focuses on as a pediatrician, the ones she dug into with a leading child development researcher. She also shares how these play out in real life as a mom of two neurodivergent kids, because guidance only helps if it actually fits your family. Key takeaways: Be sensitive and responsive. Simple practices like mirroring your child’s emotions and “serve and return” interactions build a loving, trusting foundation. Dr. Whitney shares how a Halloween decorating session turned into a deep conversation about religion once she slowed down and got curious. Meet kids where they are, especially at their worst. Drawing on Tina Payne Bryson, co-author of The Whole-Brain Child , Dr. Whitney explains that soothing a meltdown isn’t giving in. It’s letting your child know they’re not alone in a big feeling. Model self-regulation, and repair when you lose it. Self-regulation predicts academic success better than IQ. The goal isn’t staying calm all the time, it’s understanding why you got dysregulated, coming back to baseline, and offering yourself some self-compassion. Set limits for your kids and yourself. Every child’s needs are different (screen time affects Dr. Whitney’s two daughters very differently), but all kids need limits, and so do parents. Taking time for yourself models something healthy. Aim for authoritative, not permissive. High expectations paired with warmth and grace is the sweet spot. “Gentle parenting” can blur into permissiveness, which research shows is as harmful as authoritarian parenting. Protect unstructured time. Kids need boredom and free play to become self-directed. For ADHD and autistic kids, Dr. Whitney recommends offering a few options and letting kids choose. Support internal motivation. Using a “mirrors facing outward” image from her own therapist, Dr. Whitney explains why we want kids to trust their own instincts rather than constantly look outward for approval. Want to Start Raising Body-Confident Kids Today? 📘 Order the Books Raising Body-Confident Kids If you've ever caught yourself saying something to your kid about their body that sounded exactly like what your mother said to you, this book is for you. Raising Body-Confident Kids is a research-backed, judgment-free guide for parents who want to break the cycle of diet culture and body shame without swinging into toxic positivity or giving up all structure around food and movement. It answers the real questions parents are actually asking about Ozempic, about picky eaters, about what to say when your kid is being bullied for their body, and about social media influences. This is a practical, values-based game plan you can actually use, even if your own relationship with your body is still a work in progress. My One-of-a-Kind Body My One-of-a-Kind Body gives kids the language and understanding they need to care for their bodies with respect without fear, shame, or appearance-based messaging. Through inclusive illustrations and evidence-based health education, the book teaches body literacy, boundaries, and self-trust in a way kids can actually grasp. 👉 www.raisingbodyconfidentkids.com/books
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