MMD BLOG


CATEGORY:

BOUNDARIES + CENTERED VISION

8 SIGNS YOU MIGHT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH BOUNDARIES

 Modern Mommy Doc


PUBLICATION DATE:

April 11, 2022

8 SIGNS YOU MIGHT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH BOUNDARIES

 Modern Mommy Doc

CATEGORY: BOUNDARIES + CENTERED VISION

Hi. My name is Dr. Whitney, and I’m a recovering People Pleaser.


Hi, Dr. Whitney.


When I was younger, I was a “good kid.” I never really got in trouble. All my teachers loved me. I answered questions when I was supposed to (always with a raised hand) and was quiet when I knew that’s what they wanted.


I was
that kid in class.


But it didn’t just stop after elementary school.


Early in dating, I never wanted to fight with Scott because I didn’t want him mad at me. I, as a full-grown woman, still gave into my mom’s requests that I knew would turn my day upside down. I said yes to all the things at work so that no one would have an excuse to say anything negative about me.


Through (a good amount of) therapy, I’ve learned I was doing those things not just because I was a nice person who wanted to do nice things for other people (I REALLY wish that was the reason.) What it really boiled down to was the fact that I had a hard time setting and keeping boundaries with other people. I tried so hard to avoid conflict with other people because I was convinced their feelings and comfort were more important than mine.


So this one is for all the women who’ve said yes to a request at work when they knew it was going to wreak havoc on their family. Who’ve stayed silent in meetings because they didn’t want to rock the boat. Who’ve not said anything to the in-laws about the amount of sugar they hand out at their house, even though their kids will be tantruming for hours on the way home as they hit that sugar crash.

Here are 8 signs you may have a problem setting and keeping boundaries:


1. You absolutely hate it when you let other people down. This means that you often go along with other people’s plans and say yes to things you wouldn’t usually choose to do, and possibly don’t want to do. Extra committees, agreeing to restaurants that you know you won’t be able to find anything for your kid’s health restrictions on the menu, choosing to go along with a haphazard schedule at work in order to accommodate your boss’ new whim.


2. You feel like how other people feel is up to you. You worry whether they’re having a good time and are feeling good. You go out of your way to make sure this is the case. Which means you feel guilty and anxious pretty regularly. You can never feel settled because there’s always going to be a person who is upset or a fire to put out. And you have to be the one to do it.


3. You are constantly tired and don’t even know why. And every mama said, “AMEN!” While it’s different than “mom-tired,” it’s incredibly common. It happens as you’re giving all your energy away by constantly tending to everyone else’s needs and putting your own on the backburner.


4. It’s easy for other people to take advantage of you. You’re pretty sure
that’s not what you agreed to, but you’d rather not say anything. And they know you won’t either. You may even wonder if you’re being manipulated by those who are closest to you.


5. You are annoyed…all the time. On the reg, you’re never really doing the things you want to do and are usually going along with others. Which leads to resentment of others and their choices. It may also be because…


6.In your heart of hearts you think no one respects you. Which is proooobably because you’ve been pushed over too many times, so they don’t think they need to.


7. It’s hard for you to make your own decisions. Especially based on what you want because you’re always thinking about what everyone ELSE wants. When you actually have to decide for yourself, it’s exhausting and it can really make…


8. You’re less than sure about who you are, what you like, or what matters to you. It can feel like you are having an identity crisis. What do you like or dislike? What does it even feel like to make a decision based on what you WANT to do rather than what you THINK others want you to do?


Do you find yourself identifying with some of those? Been there (sometimes still there.) 


Head over to the
Modern Mamas Club App and join the discussion so you can learn from other moms who’ve felt the same way and how they draw healthy boundaries in their lives. And don’t miss next week’s blog where we look at 3 Steps to Setting and Keeping a Healthy Boundary!

Raising Body-Confident Kids Starts at the Doctor's Office!

START NOW
By Modern Mommy Doc • October 9, 2026
About the Episode: There’s so much parenting advice out there, and most of it doesn’t matter nearly as much as the internet wants you to think. (Seed oils? We have bigger fish to fry.) In this solo episode, Dr. Whitney gets back to basics and shares the six evidence-based parenting principles she focuses on as a pediatrician, the ones she dug into with a leading child development researcher. She also shares how these play out in real life as a mom of two neurodivergent kids, because guidance only helps if it actually fits your family. Key takeaways: Be sensitive and responsive. Simple practices like mirroring your child’s emotions and “serve and return” interactions build a loving, trusting foundation. Dr. Whitney shares how a Halloween decorating session turned into a deep conversation about religion once she slowed down and got curious. Meet kids where they are, especially at their worst. Drawing on Tina Payne Bryson, co-author of The Whole-Brain Child , Dr. Whitney explains that soothing a meltdown isn’t giving in. It’s letting your child know they’re not alone in a big feeling. Model self-regulation, and repair when you lose it. Self-regulation predicts academic success better than IQ. The goal isn’t staying calm all the time, it’s understanding why you got dysregulated, coming back to baseline, and offering yourself some self-compassion. Set limits for your kids and yourself. Every child’s needs are different (screen time affects Dr. Whitney’s two daughters very differently), but all kids need limits, and so do parents. Taking time for yourself models something healthy. Aim for authoritative, not permissive. High expectations paired with warmth and grace is the sweet spot. “Gentle parenting” can blur into permissiveness, which research shows is as harmful as authoritarian parenting. Protect unstructured time. Kids need boredom and free play to become self-directed. For ADHD and autistic kids, Dr. Whitney recommends offering a few options and letting kids choose. Support internal motivation. Using a “mirrors facing outward” image from her own therapist, Dr. Whitney explains why we want kids to trust their own instincts rather than constantly look outward for approval. Want to Start Raising Body-Confident Kids Today? 📘 Order the Books Raising Body-Confident Kids If you've ever caught yourself saying something to your kid about their body that sounded exactly like what your mother said to you, this book is for you. Raising Body-Confident Kids is a research-backed, judgment-free guide for parents who want to break the cycle of diet culture and body shame without swinging into toxic positivity or giving up all structure around food and movement. It answers the real questions parents are actually asking about Ozempic, about picky eaters, about what to say when your kid is being bullied for their body, and about social media influences. This is a practical, values-based game plan you can actually use, even if your own relationship with your body is still a work in progress. My One-of-a-Kind Body My One-of-a-Kind Body gives kids the language and understanding they need to care for their bodies with respect without fear, shame, or appearance-based messaging. Through inclusive illustrations and evidence-based health education, the book teaches body literacy, boundaries, and self-trust in a way kids can actually grasp. 👉 www.raisingbodyconfidentkids.com/books
By Modern Mommy Doc • October 5, 2026
What really matters when it comes to college admissions (for you and for them).
By Modern Mommy Doc • September 17, 2026
Kids going off to college are mean for a reason.
By Modern Mommy Doc • September 10, 2026
Maybe winning back to school isn't what we really want, after all.
By Modern Mommy Doc • August 27, 2026
First-class service has a lot to do with first-class parenting.

Welcome! Get the information you need to win at parenting without losing yourself.

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By Modern Mommy Doc • October 9, 2026
About the Episode: There’s so much parenting advice out there, and most of it doesn’t matter nearly as much as the internet wants you to think. (Seed oils? We have bigger fish to fry.) In this solo episode, Dr. Whitney gets back to basics and shares the six evidence-based parenting principles she focuses on as a pediatrician, the ones she dug into with a leading child development researcher. She also shares how these play out in real life as a mom of two neurodivergent kids, because guidance only helps if it actually fits your family. Key takeaways: Be sensitive and responsive. Simple practices like mirroring your child’s emotions and “serve and return” interactions build a loving, trusting foundation. Dr. Whitney shares how a Halloween decorating session turned into a deep conversation about religion once she slowed down and got curious. Meet kids where they are, especially at their worst. Drawing on Tina Payne Bryson, co-author of The Whole-Brain Child , Dr. Whitney explains that soothing a meltdown isn’t giving in. It’s letting your child know they’re not alone in a big feeling. Model self-regulation, and repair when you lose it. Self-regulation predicts academic success better than IQ. The goal isn’t staying calm all the time, it’s understanding why you got dysregulated, coming back to baseline, and offering yourself some self-compassion. Set limits for your kids and yourself. Every child’s needs are different (screen time affects Dr. Whitney’s two daughters very differently), but all kids need limits, and so do parents. Taking time for yourself models something healthy. Aim for authoritative, not permissive. High expectations paired with warmth and grace is the sweet spot. “Gentle parenting” can blur into permissiveness, which research shows is as harmful as authoritarian parenting. Protect unstructured time. Kids need boredom and free play to become self-directed. For ADHD and autistic kids, Dr. Whitney recommends offering a few options and letting kids choose. Support internal motivation. Using a “mirrors facing outward” image from her own therapist, Dr. Whitney explains why we want kids to trust their own instincts rather than constantly look outward for approval. Want to Start Raising Body-Confident Kids Today? 📘 Order the Books Raising Body-Confident Kids If you've ever caught yourself saying something to your kid about their body that sounded exactly like what your mother said to you, this book is for you. Raising Body-Confident Kids is a research-backed, judgment-free guide for parents who want to break the cycle of diet culture and body shame without swinging into toxic positivity or giving up all structure around food and movement. It answers the real questions parents are actually asking about Ozempic, about picky eaters, about what to say when your kid is being bullied for their body, and about social media influences. This is a practical, values-based game plan you can actually use, even if your own relationship with your body is still a work in progress. My One-of-a-Kind Body My One-of-a-Kind Body gives kids the language and understanding they need to care for their bodies with respect without fear, shame, or appearance-based messaging. Through inclusive illustrations and evidence-based health education, the book teaches body literacy, boundaries, and self-trust in a way kids can actually grasp. 👉 www.raisingbodyconfidentkids.com/books
By Modern Mommy Doc • October 5, 2026
What really matters when it comes to college admissions (for you and for them).
By Modern Mommy Doc • September 17, 2026
Kids going off to college are mean for a reason.