Not long ago, Bumble C.E.O. Whitney Wolfe Herd took her company public. That a woman-owned dating app reached such a milestone (and swiped left on Tinder’s offer to buy it) is impressive enough. That Herd marked this milestone while holding her baby in her arms…well. That was an even more powerful message than telling women they can and should make the first move in the dating world.
Women like Herd are inspiring for so many reasons, not least of which is their apparent ease in balancing motherhood with crazy business success. But after a swell of collective pride at watching Herd officially make Bumble a publicly traded company, I felt that old familiar pang of bewilderment. How do people like Herd make it look so easy?
What has your day looked like so far, Mama? Did it involve a mad dash around the house as you got everyone up and fed and out the door (or on their screens)? Did it include a spilled coffee or, worse, no coffee on your way to morning meetings? Did you wonder at least once how you’d manage to juggle everything in the 12 or so hours left of your day?
The simple truth is that motherhood is hard. (I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.) And if we are to find not just success but joy in it, we have to remember that burnout is not inevitable. In fact, burnout can and should be avoided altogether.
GIRL MOM ON FIRE
Like many other things, motherhood effectively changes all our associations around the word “burn”. Remember when it meant an intense longing for that guy/girl across the room? Or a clever comeback? Or even a good workout? Yeah, these days it’s more likely to be paired up with that unfriendly preposition, “out”. And no wonder.
As therapist Kristen Genzano explains in my Mama Reset Self-Care Retreat (at Home), we as mamas take on an extraordinary number of responsibilities and commitments. Look at that sentence again. It’s easy to glide right over it, nodding in agreement but not really feeling it.
And feeling it is key to avoiding burnout. Not in a painful way, but in an honest and thoughtful way. So I encourage you to, right now, take 15 seconds and just mentally take stock of everything you’re committed to doing today. Work, kids, husband, home, family, friends, community, school projects — I’m willing to bet it’s a long list. Take a longer view (of your week, your month), and that list gets longer, too. So much of what we do, Genzano explains, is often unconsciously committed to.
HOW TO BEAT THE BURN
With so much orbiting around us, how do we stay replenished and grounded? It starts with adding yourself to the list of commitments.
What if, Genzano asks, you gave yourself just one-tenth of the attention you give everything and everyone else? What might change?
This doesn’t have to be especially difficult or time-consuming. In fact, Genzano offers a simple exercise that you can, to start with, do just once a day. And it looks like this:
· Pause what you’re doing.
· Place your hands over your heart, your belly, or another soothing place.
· Take a slow, deep breath.
· Ask yourself, “What do I need to support myself right now?”
The answer might be simple — a glass of water, a bite to eat, a moment alone. It might be more complicated, like an evening out or someone to talk to. But whatever it is, you have to tune in, acknowledge it, and provide for yourself.
CALLING MOMS EVERYWHERE
The theme for this year’s International Women’s Day (coming up on March 8!) is “Choose to Challenge.” So maybe, in addition to challenging the world to acknowledge women’s achievements and contributions, we can also challenge ourselves. We can challenge ourselves to create more balance in our lives. We can challenge ourselves to be kinder to ourselves. We can challenge ourselves to reset and recharge, whether that’s with a two-minute daily breathing exercise or a self-paced guided retreat.
We can take care of ourselves and, like Whitney Wolfe Herd, show our babies how it’s done.
I know first-hand that working mom life is hard, but I also know it doesn’t have to be impossible.
Trust me. The best way to get unstuck isn’t to work harder. It’s to use a framework that gets real results, no matter what area you need to tackle first.